I'm sure that everyone feels this way one way or another and for different reasons I'm sure.
I'm not sure why I feel this way, I know that people love me and care for me! I think my brain plays tricks on what my heart knows...
I think that I'm always going to feel like this no matter how many times somebody will tell me "I'm more than enough" see, my biological mom left me at 2 and ever since I found out about her I've always questioned my worth, not only then though but also because my parents turned to the wrong side of the law which not only affected them but also my siblings and I. I feel as though I'm not enough to stick around for so yes, it is hard for me to love someone because what if I need you and it may not seem important to you but to me it is? And you don't show up¿, I would be heartbroken to know that when I needed/need someone you couldn't come. I know that I'm supposed to be the oldest and probably more independent at-least that's how I see it, I think people don't realize that even being the oldest you need someone and that someone for me was my granny. So not having her around has really torn me apart, I could talk to her about anything without hurting anyone's feelings in the process. So I normally like to keep things to myself unless I'm sharing it with kamryn (my bff) or my sisters. Because I'm terrified to say the wrong thing that might make you hate me and never talk to me again. I feel like this is Why I can't say "NO" to people who ask me things even though I don't want to do them. I'm 20 so because of my rational brain I keep telling myself to get over this, because you have people who care they just have their own lives.
At this point in time In my life I want to pack everything up and disappear and throw away my phone and just get a whole new perspective of my life without the worry of disappointing everyone I know.
I read an article about disappearing and it said, "just do it. Seriously. Drop everything and walk away from your entire life" I think about that a lot because I wish I had enough courage to do it and not having to constantly stick around for my siblings.
they might not know it but they're probably the only reason I'm alive and around right now,
