Two Girls, One Heart.

Truth Hurts

Ashley's P.O.V

I'm in tears yet again. Payton, Lauren, and Paige are on the couch in the dressing room trying to comfort me. I feel like every time I reach out to Y/N she just pulls away more. I honestly didn't even try calling her this time. I know it'll lead to some bullshit excuse and an apology and then sex. After that we're supposed to act like everything is fine again. Payton is going off on some rant about Y/N again with Paige just nodding her head. Lauren wasn't listening either it seemed because when I glanced at her she was sending messages on her phone. I didn't mean to stare for as long as I did. But out of the concern of my eye, I caught a glimpse of her lock screen...and my heart dropped.

Y/N P.O.V

As soon as I got back to the hotel I called Rickey and told him everything. He barely responded, just saying "what did you expect?" I got a few texts from Lauren asking where I went. But after I responded saying I was feeling sick....nothing. I feel like i'm standing in the eye of the storm I created. Something definitely isn't right. I couldn't even think straight at this point. I walked into the living room of my luxury hotel room, supplied by Ashley, and took a small bottle of liquor from the mini bar. Then another one...and another one. I wouldn't say I was drunk, my anxiety outweighed anything else I could feel. I decided to call room service since I hadn't eaten all day. About five minutes later there's a knock at my door. "That was quick." I say to myself going to answer the door. I didn't even think to look at the peephole. I opened the door to see Lauren standing before me. But...she didn't look angry, or sad, or anything. She looked ...empty?
"Hey." She says to me quietly. I can feel my heart beating even faster than before.
"H-hi." I mumble out.
"Can I come in?" She asks.
And with that I moved out of the way, letting her step in. She walked straight to the living room and sat on the couch. I went slowly to the same place. I sat next to her. For what felt like forever we stared at each other. But I still couldn't read her facial expression. Another knock at the door disrupted our awkward moment, and my heart dropped. I sat there, frozen and unable to move.
"You gonna answer that?" Lauren asks. I slowly get up and walk up to the door. I decided to look through the peephole this time. I felt a slight wave of relief. Room service. I opened the door and looked at the small bellhop holding a plate with a silver cover over it. "Hey sorry I'm actually not hungry anymore. Go ahead and charge me though. Thank you." I then reached in my pocket and handed him $20. Before he could speak I shut the door behind me and turned around to walk back in the living room where I left Lauren. I didn't even reach the couch before there was another knock at the door. "Fucking hell." I mutter under my breath, making my way back to the door. I swing it open and say "Look I said I don't wan-" but I was stopped mid sentence. There she was. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Her face was so flushed she looked like she could pop. All I could do was hang my head in shame. The jig was up. I slowly moved aside, letting her step in. She quickly and forcefully pushed past me. Going into the living room. I stood there for a minute, too afraid to move.
"Y/N GROW THE FUCK UP AND GET IN HERE." Ashley projects throughout the entire hotel. I didn't expect Ashley to be the one yelling honestly. She was always cool, calm, and collected. And Lauren was usually the one passionate enough to admit anger when she strikes it fit. I had broken them...both of them. I hesitantly walked into the living room, taking a seat on the recliner in front of the two girls. Lauren was still sitting, and her face was still calm. Ashley was standing, and shaking with rage.
"Why are we here Y/N?" Ashley asks in a low voice. I hesitate before stuttering out "ash ...i'm sure you kno-"
"NO FUCK THAT. Don't call me that. YOU TELL ME, YOU FUCKING SAY IT." She waits for me to answer. I still can't look at her. "SAY IT!" She screams, crying now at this point. I couldn't tell if it was out of anger ...or sadness...or both.
"Ashley," Lauren steps in and gently grabs her arm, "she's not worth all this energy. Come sit by me."
Ashley looks back at me again, and then takes a seat by Lauren.
Lauren speaks this time, "Honestly Y/N, there's not much to say. It's clear what you've done. But why?"
I finally get the courage to speak. "I.....I got carried away. I thoug- I thought I ....no. I KNEW I fell in love with you Lauren... and Ashley I've always loved you so.."
"No Y/N...no.. NO. FUCK THAT. You were...you were greedy. You were selfish. ALL THIS TIME Y/N.. AND- AND YOU CONVINCED ME I WAS CRAZY. YOU CHEWED OUT MY BEST FRIEND WHEN SHE HAD THE RIGHT TO BE SUSPICIOUS. YOU LET ME DOWN, YOU LET MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY DOWN, AND LAUREN." Ashley paused. "....and you let yourself down. I expected so much more from you."
I tried so hard not to cry because I knew it wouldn't be taken seriously.
"I was going to come clean.. I really was but-"
"But you didn't." Lauren cut me off this time. "It makes sense now. Everything does. Those nightmares you had? It was because you kept it all in huh? When you were laying next to me, you were texting her. And vice versa."
I sat there, looking down at the ground again. There was no point in apologizing. I was beyond that. We all were. Ashley then stood up and spoke one more time.
"There's nothing more to say here. You can't even look me in the eyes. I want your shit out of my place as soon as you get back." Ashley says and starts to leave. "Ditto." Lauren quietly comments as she follows Ashley out the door.

6 months later

It's been six months since I've spoken to anyone. Rickey tried so hard to keep in touch. But I told him that I wasn't even good enough to be his friend. Of course he wouldn't accept that though. But like everyone else, he backed away too. Or maybe it was me pushing him away...I don't know. I'd be lying if I said drinking hadn't become apart of my daily life now. I've become numb to my own body, and my own sense of self. It was just another day of finishing a fifth to myself. That's when I got a call from Rickey. I unwillingly answered it and heard his voice come through immediately.
"Y/N!"
"Hey Rick...what's up?"
"Did you hear? You were nominated for a grammy as a producer!"
"What? For what?" I asked completely shocked.
"Well...that's the thing. It's um...for your part in producing Ashley's last album. Ya know...before the breakup."
"Oh... wow. So she's nominated for a grammy as well?" I asked still shocked.
"Uh...no. Oddly enough no. The press is kinda saying you made her. It's uh.... ha. Yeah."
I paused at his words. I felt so....gross. To even have people remotely believe that I "made her" is completely out of my mind. That's when a sudden and random idea popped into my head.
"Hey Rickey....I have an odd request."
"Yeah?"
"Can I use your Instagram live?"
"What for ?"
"You'll see..."

I logged into Rickey's account. And scrolled through until I reached the live feature of instagram. I nervously hit start.
Right away hundreds of thousands of people joined. Everyone was in complete and utter shock that I actually showed my face on the internet.
"Uh...hi everyone. A lot of you might know me, a lot of you might not....but what nobody really knows...was my involvement with ash-....Halsey. And another woman named Lauren Jauregui. I've gotten credit for some things that...I shouldn't of. And I want to set the record straight. Because I deserve to be..."exposed" but the only person who is going to do that is me. So let me start from the beginning....it was in a cafe."

After I made the live video and posted it to Rickey's story, a surge of media came about. And just as I had planned, it painted Ashley and Lauren in good light. In a weird way, they got the credit they deserved. And of course there was a hate train after me. Although I will say it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. A lot of people praised me for my honesty. But, honestly I couldn't care less about that. I just wanted to try and do one right thing, after all the pain I caused.
All of the sudden I got an incoming call, not even looking at my phone I just answered.
"Hello?"
"Y/N?"
I recognized the voice immediately.
"Lau-Lauren?" I stutter out.
"Why? Why did you do that? Why did you post that live?"
"Well... I kept in the truth for so long. And it always comes out right? I just wanted to make sure...it really got out."
"Okay but your career! Look I'm still incredibly hurt about everything but that was just dumb!"
"Lauren, my career doesn't mean much to me anyone. I just...I want a fresh start. Not yet...I don't deserve it but, at some point. I just don't want to hurt anyone again."
There was a long pause after that, and I got nervous.
"Thank you." Lauren finally said.
"Lauren you don't have to-"
"Thank you. It doesn't fix anything but... I appreciate it."
"Tha-thank you Lauren. I know it's too late, but...thank you for being everything you were while I was being everything I shouldn't."
"Goodbye, Y/N. Take care of yourself." And with that she hung up. I noticed I was crying. But I don't think I was completely sad...I was somewhat content. I actually felt good enough to get up and go get a coffee from the cafe.

I walk into the quiet store and order my usual. While waiting, I feel a presence over me, and look up. I thought I was dreaming. Ashley stood before me. I was so overwhelmed, my mouth just fell slightly open as I stared.
"You look like you've been drinking lately." Ashley says. And I'm still too shocked to say anything. I just never thought I'd see her again. "I won't keep you...I'm sorry."
"Don't be." I quickly utter out. She doesn't deserve to be sorry.
"I just saw you and...I wanted to say- um, you know I'm no where near healed. And I don't know when I'll ever forgive you but... I appreciate what you did. But I want you to take care of yourself okay? I want... one day for you to have someone who you can love again. And honestly."
"Thank you Ash."
"Goodbye Y/N...take care."
And with that she left.
I walked outside after getting my coffee. And for some reason, something felt different. I felt something I hadn't felt in a while. And when the sun hit my face and the world around me didn't stop. I realized it was hope. Hope for what exactly? I'm not sure. But one thing I can say for sure, is that there's no room for Two girls , when you have one heart. One heart I hope to use to it's full potential. But this time, in the most honest way possible.