Two Girls, One Heart.

Run

  Lauren and I are now sitting in a hospital in LA. The doctor is checking her eyes right now for any signs of a concussion. Im sitting on the chair next to the hospital bed. The doorway is perfectly in my view. As I'm watching the doctor finish Lauren's check up, I see a flash come from the door. I quickly look up and there's some guy with a camera watching me. His gaze meets mine and his eyes turn wide as he gets up and begins running. I knew he had to be getting that pic to some blog or just the internet in general.
"I'll be back!" I said quickly before quickly exiting the room. I look down both narrow hallways and to my right see someone dart around the corner. I start sprinting his way, ignoring all calls out to us by hospital staff. He slips making a sharp turn into another quiet hallway and I go to jump on him but he gets up and starts running again before I hit the ground. I pick myself up ignoring any pain I feel. He rushes into the door marked "Stairwell Emergency Exit" and I came running through the door. The stairwell was vacant and I looked down the center of it to see the man already a few flights down. I had to think fast. I took off my Valentino Garavani black rockstud combat boots and hurled it down the staircase at the man. Somehow it actually hit him and he tumbled down 3 steps before slamming against the wall. I could hear him groaning and holding his head as I made my way down. The small vlogging camera laid next to him smashed to pieces. I wipe the sweat off my forehead and catch my breath. The man turns over, still clutching his head in pain. He has short light blonde hair and dark blue eyes. He has acne on his face here and there. His eyebrows has a ferocious bold arch and he was one of those white guys who literally looked like they didn't have lips. He couldn't be anymore than 5'6. His twitchy little scrawny body made me more furious.
"Hey! Why the fuck were you taking pictures of me dipshit!?" I question, anger arising more and more in my voice.
"I'm...I...Im sorry! Okay? A lot of people know wh-who you are an-and I just thought it could get m-m-me famous on Twitter." He replied shielding his face.
"Oh...I understand. Well are you okay?" I asked trying to sound sympathetic.
"Ye-yeah. I think I'll be okay." He said looking back at me with a slight smile. I smiled back and reached my hand out. He reached back and I grabbed his hand pulling me up. I smiled at him one more time and placed my hand on his shoulder. And then I punched him hard in the face. He fell down again and I jumped on-top of him and my fist wouldn't stop connecting hits to his face.
"AH! AH! IM SORRY! SHIT, I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT." He tried to say. But I was way to angry to care. In fact, I don't think I've ever been this angry before. Once I gave him one more mega punch to the chest I stood up and started walking back. As I got to the end of the stairs I looked over my shoulder to see the guy limping through the exit door.
Never in my entire life have I hit someone I did not know. Never have I ever hit someone. And I just beat the shit out of that guy. I slowly step back into Lauren's room. Lauren's arms were crossed and her eyebrows raised at me. She looked pissed. I knew I was in for it.
  "Y/N, where the hell did you go?" Lauren says walking out the hospital room with some papers.
  "I'll explain in the car." I respond, sticking my hand out to see if she would grab it. My heart drops a little as she ignores my request and keeps facing forward. I follow her, trailing a little behind since she obviously was mad at me, and we finally reach my car. I go to open the door for her and she just mumbles; "I got it." And opens the door herself. I sigh and go and get in on the driver's side. I start up the car and we start the ride in silence.
  "So uh...everything come back okay?" I ask hesitantly. Glaring at Lauren from the side of my eye.
  "Guess you would know, if you were there." Lauren says bitterly, yet somewhat quietly. I hang my head at her words, still keeping my eyes on the road.
  "There was a kid who took a picture of us, I don't...I don't know what happened to me, I was so angry and I just...uhh" I cut myself off. I could feel Lauren's glare on me now. I should just lie. Not like it matters since I have been lying since the first day we met. But for some reason I couldn't take the guilt in me anymore. So for once, I didn't lie.
  "...I got mad Lauren. That was our privacy that was flat out just being invaded and I couldn't stop myself. I chased the kid down and broke his camera...and his nose." I spoke quietly at the last part. I pulled up to a red light, and look at Lauren's face. I honestly couldn't read it. Her brows were furrowed, but her eyes seemed wide. And her mouth wore a sad pout face with a hint of anger. The light turned green and I continued on my way to my house. Lauren still didn't say anything, i kept peering out of the concern of my eye to look at her, but she still wore that same expression.
  "Lauren?...I-"
  "Take me home, Y/N." My heart sank at Lauren's words.
  "Ho-home?" I was trying not to get choked up. I brought this upon myself. And even though losing Lauren might mean I could get away with cheating on Ashley, it hurt so much to think of losing Lauren.
  "Yes Y/N. Take me to my apartment."
  "Lauren...I-I'm sorry. I know I overreacted and-"
  "Stop!" Lauren said firmly. She didn't yell but there was an authoritative ring to her tone. It made me sink down into my seat even more as I continued to drive to Lauren's apartment. I hadn't noticed but a few tears fell down my cheek. I keep turning to look at Laur as the stoplights would illuminate her features. Her expression had changed slightly, now she just looked sad. And possibly regretful?
  I finally get to Lauren's apartment and pull up slowly. I felt tears streaming down my cheek. One stupid mistake and here I am. Letting my emotions get ahead of me, once again, and I'm fucked. I felt so helpless right now. I felt like an awful person. Not only have I triggered Lauren in some way, but I beat someone up! I harmed another human. 
  A good amount of silence went by. It was probably only a minute but it felt like two hours. I kept looking at Lauren, waiting for her to say something. I noticed a few tears started to fall from her eyes too. And it made me feel worse. I reached out to brush away her tears, but she stopped me and slowly pushed my hand away.
  "I would never play you." Lauren said. I felt the life drain right out of me. She knew?
"When I first met you, I knew you were someone special. And I want to still believe that to be true. But I had be searching for someone who would treat me right for so long, I think I jumped ahead of myself." Lauren says to me. All I feel in this moment is my pain and Lauren.
  "So uh...uh..I wanna trea- treat you right." I say trying so hard not to start crying my eyes out.
  "I know....but you're not who I thought you were. Or...maybe I just don't know you well. I rushed this, not you."
  "But... Lauren. You said..."
  "We said a lot Y/N. I know. I don't regret it but... I don't know how to feel right now." Lauren says crying as well now.
  "Are you breaking up with me?" I finally have the courage to spit that question out. I couldn't get this out of my mind. I knew I was probably supposed to be thinking of a lot of things to go along with what was happening, but I just didn't.
  "No...well...I don't think so. I don't know." Lauren staggers back. I finally turn away from Lauren's face, and said only "okay."
  I think she wanted me to say something else, but I had nothing to say. I finally hear the passenger door open and shut. My heart fell out of my body when she did that. I tried so hard to pull my head up so I could drive to my house.
  On the way back home I couldn't stop thinking about what happened between Lauren and I. One sec I'm holding her in my arms, the next I'm beating some kid I never knew and driving Lauren away from my love...literally. I start to pull into my driveway and walk into my home. I had pulled myself together enough to drive home without tears flooding my eyes. But as soon as I walked inside my back hit the front door, shutting it. As I slowly slide down the door frame onto my bottom. I rested my hands on my face and cried a river onto them. But I felt sick as well. A sickness I had been cooking up ever since I met Lauren. See I wasn't heartbroken because Lauren left, and I'm not torn because Ashley is being lied to. I'm heartbroken and torn because I made Lauren leave and I lied to Ashley. Its me. All me. And i hate me more than anything else right now.
I quickly feel a rush of rage over me. I hop up from the door and let out a howling scream. I run into my living room and smash my lamp, screaming again as it hits the ground.
"FUCK OFF LAUREN." I then flip my couch. Tears are still streaming down my face, as hot as my anger. "FUCK MY FEELINGS." I toss my expensive vase with roses in it into the kitchen. Nothing mattered to me right now. I couldn't think straight. I was so confused on what to do or say. I just had to get my anger out. I kept smashing my walls over and over with my fist until I started to repaint them with the blood from my knuckles. I could feel how hot my face was. I don't even know why I was mad. I just had been building up these emotions, that they exploded.
I went to throw a picture and quickly stopped my hands. My hands hovered over the frame on my wall next to my staircase. Tears struck me hard again. It was a picture of Ashley and I behind stage at one of her first tours. I had my arms around her waist and her legs wrapped around me as I kissed the top of her head. Her long blue hair cascaded all around her shoulders as she smile while kissing my cheek.       
  I fell to the ground again, clutching the picture to my chest. I look around at my the destruction I caused and realized it perfectly summed up my situation right now. Glass everywhere, the blood from my knuckles painting a harsh picture on my walls. What am I fucking doing? Who the fuck am I?
I lay there for what feels like hours. Just letting the same thoughts of Lauren and how awful I am flood my mind. I was so into my thoughts I didn't notice my phone vibrating in my pocket until the last ring. I quickly pull my phone out and see Ashley is trying to FaceTime. I know my face must be super puff from crying for so long. But I didn't feel anything in this moment. I felt empty. So I answer the call and wait for it to finally connect. Ashley's Face appears on my screen. She's on her tour bus, and still has her light makeup on. Her short blonde hair is exposed. She wasn't wearing her wig so she must of just finished her show. Her face was immediately concerned when she saw mine.
"Y/N? Baby... what's wrong?" She asks concerned. I stared down at my feet before directing my dead gaze at her.
"Why do you love me?" I ask groggily and low.
"What?"
"Why.do.you. love me?" I ask in the same tone.
"I love you because you make me happy Y/N. The happiest I've ever been. I love you because even though things are strained and not always great, you know what to say. I love you because when something goes wrong with us, you know what to do. I love you because you listen to me, you love me and my family and friends. Because I've been through so much with you, you've grown into me. And how am I supposed to live without a piece of me? Not comfortably I'll tell you that." Ashley just looks into my eyes through the phone after her speech.
  My heart sinks at her words. How could I let someone who loves me so much down. I feel a sickness in my stomach. I'm eating myself alive. I know I cannot go on like this anymore. I have to do something about now. I'm not complaining sure how I'll deal with this but I must come clean. I owe it to myself and Ashley more than anyone. I take a deep breath in and look at Ashley through my phone screen.
  "Ashley. We need to talk about something."