lemonade | ethan

thirty four

"how do you feel about new york?" maya asks, as she scrolls through her laptop as she lay on her bed. "oh, we could definitely go to new york. it's absolutely perfect for new years." she gasps.

"yeah?" i reply. "i'm down."

she sighs. "do you think it'd be totally weird to invite clayton? like, i know you two are kind of on bad terms, but he's my friend and i just—"

"maya, it's totally okay." i said. "go for it."

she smiles. "you, my friend, are too nice."

my friends and i were planning a trip to new york. it was a border state, so we'd all drive. since melanie was pregnant, she couldn't fly anyway.

lemonade 🍋

me: new york for new years?

melanie: nick and i are down!

nick: 👍🏻

me: great! sonny? raymond?

sonny: wouldn't miss it

raymond: same here!

sonny: ethan??

ethan is typing...

for some odd reason, i was nervous about what he had to say. of course i wanted him to come, but at the same time i didn't.

i didn't because i wanted to have a stress free weekend. knowing ruby would come if ethan came made me seem to dread new york just by the thought.

then, ruby and clayton would be there.

ethan: i'll be there

raymond: yay!

maya gave me 'that' look, because she knew what i was feeling. it was unexplainable, but she understood.  "it's okay, dev. there's gonna be so many of us, just pretend he isn't there." she says, attempting to make me get rid of the uneasy feeling.

i push the hair out of my face, exhaling a breath. "it's not as easy as you think. especially since i'm thinking about him all the time."

maya sighs. "it's good that you're finally opening your heart again after clayton, but you have to remain cautious. i don't want you going through that heartbreak again."

"don't worry, maya. i won't."

LEMONADE

i throw my head back in frustration. "i am not sitting in a car for two and a half hours with him." i complain, crossing my arms.

"quit being a baby. i'm doing you a favor." sonny explains, throwing my bags into the trunk. "if anything, feel bad for nick. he's in a car full of north siders."

sonny unexpectedly picked me up from my house, raymond and ethan already in the car. i really wanted to ask where ruby was, but i didn't want to jinx anything. i just know she wasn't with melanie in their car.

sonny and i stood at the back of the car as he loaded my things. raymond and ethan stood at the front as ray got his cigarette out of the way.

i sighed, looking around. "where's ruby?" i decided to ask. i was genuinely curious, and if we were picking her up after me, i would definitely want to know.

"she's not coming." sonny explains. "her dad won't allow her to come. after all, she is the mayors daughter. super busy." an entire ruby-free weekend? oh, wow this trip just got way better.

i watched as ethan encouraged ray to hurry up. raymond brushes him off before dropping the cigar and stomping on it. ethan watches before looking up at me.

for a second, our eye contact blocks out all other noises. but all good things come to an end as he breaks it.

i guess after the gender reveal party, things have been kind of awkward. he knows how much i like him, so much i had the courage to kiss him. but with every day passing, i feel the courage slowly fade away as i become unsure of pursuing my feelings.

he hasn't talked me to me at all since. it makes me sick. leave it up to devon wu, to thinking kissing a boy will make everything better again. well, it won't.

"let's go." sonny tells me. he heads for the drivers seat. i reach for the passenger seat handle but raymond stops me. he gives me that look, signifying for me to sit in the back with ethan.

i groan, turning to open the back seat door. i guess i was only acting like i didn't want anything to do with ethan so i would hurt myself a little less.

as we began driving, i don't recall anything as i fell asleep right after we left brooklyn bay. toward the end of the drive, i did wake up, however i remained eyes closed, too tired to open them.

"dude, just shove her shoulder." raymond says. "it's not that hard."

"you do it!" ethan replies.

sonny groans. "dude, why're you being such a pussy? just wake her up! it's not the end of the world."

he sighs, throwing his head back on the seat. he touches my shoulder, attempting to wake me up.

i raise my head, looking at him as he doesn't even make eye contact with me. i choose to ignore it, not having the energy to care right now.

"oh my god, we're here!" i exclaim, looking outside as i see all the city buildings. manhattan truly was beautiful. though we live close to new york city, i had only been here once with my family when dillon and i were still very little.

over time, we've been far too busy to even spend time with one another. let alone, travel together.

"aw, they beat us to the airbnb." raymond exclaims, sighing. "sucks. i wanted first pick at rooms."

"i think maya said it was two a room, so there would still be a room regardless." sonny mentions.

two a room? fuck.

END OF CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR

hi guys!! i'm gonna start writing chapter thirty five right away!! love y'all