lemonade | ethan

fifty four

it's been quite a while since our breakup, though i hadn't quite noticed how much time had passed. i'd manage to keep it a secret from the girls for a while since i was too busy crying my eyes out to my dad while my mom scolded me for even getting involved with a south sider in the first place, though i had tried telling her it wasn't like that.

i've also found myself unintentionally avoiding our friend group. also meaning i haven't seen ethan since that night. i knew if i brought it up to them, i wouldn't be able to hold the conversation for i'd burst into tears. even though i'm doing a little better now, it's still hard.

i'd go days just laying in bed sobbing while i reminisce the good old days. the new york trip, the dance, even the cabin trip. everything.

now i'm just... empty.

i thought ethan and i would've lasted longer. but things are complicated now and i don't know how to fix it anyway.

maya and i leave for minnesota in just a couple of hours for we were already at the airport. she had already said her goodbyes to our friends but i hadn't gotten around to that. something in me feels like i'm kind of avoiding it anyway.

most of them are ethan's friends. of course they'd be on his side considering i was the one who ended things. but maybe it was for the better.

it felt weird not seeing a notification pop up on my phone from ethan anymore. it felt weird not knowing what he was doing or what he was feeling.

i just hope he's doing okay.

all the memories we've made together. all the hardships to be where we are now. the history we've created with each other and for this town. i will remember all of it. i'll bring it with me to college.

the day we met, he had taken the last lemonade. that moment stuck with us forever. even through our endless days of working on our lemonade themed chemistry project.

our relationship was citrus. it was sour yet sweet.

i hope to find him again one day. i never wanted this citrus taste to end.

"devon. are you okay?" maya asks me. i guess i hadn't quite noticed how i'd been staring into blank space for the past twenty minutes.

are you okay. i hate when people ask that. that question has been hanging over my head ever since the breakup and i'm constantly being asked if i'm fine.

"yeah." i simply replied. i lied. maya just sighs in response. i know she could read me like a book.

when we finally boarded our plane, i find myself getting emotional. i suddenly regret not saying goodbye. i'm beating myself up for not saying anything to nick, raymond and sonny. especially sonny. they deserved it.

but ethan... ethan's goodbye would've been too painful.

"don't worry, babe." maya nudges my shoulder as we sit in our seats. "you'll find a hot college guy. i'm sure of it." she smiles.

i return the smile, trying my best to convey that i was genuinely smiling before turning to face the window.

i had this sinking feeling in my heart of cowardice. i felt so weak for giving up on the relationship so easily. like i didn't even try to make long distance work. but i just couldn't hold onto it any longer. i felt stuck like i was battling an angel and a devil on my shoulders.

if you're debating whether you should end things or keep things going, you should probably end things. is what my devil told me.

but if you love him, then trust he'll make it work. is what my angel said.

and you can probably guess who i chose to listen to.

LEMONADE

three weeks into college at the university of minnesota and i've already been seeing snaps of nick and ethan partying at their college parties. it seems as if nick is trying to help ethan get through the breakup as it probably took a huge toll on him.

ethan was the first guy i truly ever loved. we changed each other for the better. before him, i was a stuck up north sider who bullied people for their status. and before he had me, he was cold and secretive.

i'll always love him. i promise to myself i will.

but this is how life is. you live and you learn. break ups happen. this isn't a movie. there is no such thing as a happy ending here. and i'm fine with that.

even so, i'm thankful for the friends i made my senior year. i'm thankful for the love. i'm thankful for the laughs. i'm thankful for melanie, maya, nick, raymond, sonny, clayton, and ethan.

and most of all, i'm thankful for lemonade.

END OF CHAPTER FIFTY FOUR
END OF LEMONADE

very short chapter to signify the end of lemonade.

wow guys, it has been a journey. i had SO much fun writing lemonade and i'm so fucking glad you guys enjoyed it. seriously guys, SO much fun.

i fell in love with my characters. i fell in love with my concept. i fell in love with the town (despite it being toxic) I LOVED THEM ALL.

sad to say lemonade as come to an end despite a happy ending never occurring. i want to make my books realistic. not cliche like all my other books where the characters gets married/pregnant/or end up together in the end.

literally thank you all for supporting lemonade. i absolutely loved writing it. i want to keep writing because it makes me happy, but i'm not very good at being consistent. but i'll keep trying!

stay safe y'all. love you lots 💗

and bye!!