lemonade | ethan

fifty one

2021 A/N: i added more to this chapter, so i uploaded it again. enjoy!

my eyes set on the horizon as the sun melted on the waves while the soft tone of music played in the distance. maya and melanie would not leave me alone after they had realized how uneasy i actually was about all of this. but once the boys showed up, they'd forgotten about it, which i'm kind of glad for.

i had examined ethan on how he was feeling but in all honesty, he looked fine. it bothered me a little bit, to be honest. i was envious of him because while he was looking like he was having the time of his life, laughing and partying with the others, i was anxiously sitting on the chaise wondering when ethan was going to make his move on me and what he was going to do.

you're gonna be fine, dev. this is what you want. i keep telling myself. and yes, it's true but still. i'm nervous. this is ethan we're talking about. the stubborn, adorable, south sider whom i've grown to love and cherish throughout the year.

it's been a while since i've felt like this; a girl gushing over a guy like it's a middle school crush. i loved clayton too but not like this. not like how i love ethan. it's just that, we've been through so much together and have conquered a lot of hatred for our relationship. i don't want to mess it up. i don't want anything to change again.

"devon, i swear to god. stop doing that." maya sternly says to me, as she stumbles up to my chaise. she sits at the end of it, eyeing me closely. "grow a pair! you're acting like a virgin. it's honestly killing the mood."

i rolled my eyes, sitting myself up from leaning on the chaise. "i'm not even doing anything." i reply, ignoring her sudden attack on how i'm killing the mood.

"oh really? you've got anxiety written all over your face." she deadpans. god, she's so straightforward. "it's distracting me."

before maya could get another insult in, melanie is calling her over to get a drink. maya leaves without another word, excited to consume the alcohol. i simply sigh, leaving the chair and zipping up my jacket for it was getting chilly.

crossing my arms over my chest, i find myself leaving the group to overthink in peace so i don't 'kill the mood'.

was i being too over dramatic? to maya and mel it's just sex but i can't help but think of it differently. is it so bad that i want our first time to be special? as if i'm living some movie or something?

i slowly walk down the stairs, counting the steps as i go in hopes to stop stressing myself out so much. when i reach the hallway, i enter through the furthest door at the end of the hall to one of the bedrooms. with a deep sigh, i close the door behind me and just lean there for a minute.

"this is pathetic, isn't it?" i say to myself. being so worried about nothing but at the same time, everything. i so badly want to talk to sonny or ray but i can't let them know i know. that'd ruin their whole dream operation.

suddenly two knocks on the door startle me. i jump in place, backing up from the door before opening it. there, stands ethan who towers over me. he has a worried expression on his face. "you okay?" he simply says, letting himself into the room while maintaining his eye contact with me.

i nod. "mhm."

"are you sure?" he asks. "you don't look okay." damn was i really that obvious to both maya and ethan?

it was killing me and i just wanted to tell ethan the truth about everything so i don't have to carry this weight. i hate lying.

i sighed, shutting the door and sitting myself on the bed. i pat the area next to me and ethan immediately sits beside me, ushering me to go on.