#NoFilter

#12: Change is growth [Special Guest Edition]

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Hi everyone and welcome to the new chapter of #NoFilter. Today I decided to invite one of my close friends here from Wattpad to share her #NoFilter moment. Thank you @JustMeLauraX for sharing this wonderful message with us!

So let's jump right into it here:
To understand my journey better, I should tell you what kind of person I am. I'm a person who doesn't show my true emotions to others (only to people who I completely trust get to see my real emotions).

People always tell me I'm the happiest person they've ever met, but little did they know that I am broken, sad and sometimes lonely behind that smile. It doesn't bother me much, as long as the people around me are happy. I came to believe that I don't mind playing along to be happy. Any problems that I have, I simply try to take the matter in my own hands rather than sharing it with others. I feel that if I did share, I'd become a burden to them and that scares me, as I don't like anyone worrying about me.

I've always taken care of my own problems even in school. I never asked the teachers a question which had a positive side, as in I've always been independent, I'm a fast learner and find solutions easily. On the other hand, it's difficult for me to communicate with others because most of my life I've been figuring things out on my own. Although, my friends can always talk about their problems with me, I'm a very good listener and everyone who truly knows me, openly shares their stories/problems with me, knowing I won't put any judgement on them but instead give my all to help them and give them advice.

So cutting straight to the core of this message, 2019 was the year that really changed me for the better. That year, many things have happened and there isn't any emotion that I haven't felt this year. I felt rage, I was heart broken, I was happier than ever, I cried so much and I never had so much self hatred but all these emotions built up the base that helped me to grow stronger.

One of the most difficult things I've ever done is getting over my ex. I loved him dearly but I made a mistake and it was over. My happy days were over but I deserved that after I betrayed him. To this day, I hold so much regret that I didn't know nor understood myself as well back then. However someone once said "we grow stronger when we break" and I never related so much to that.

In the past I've had some suicidal thoughts but when we broke up I was so close to considering it. As I was "planning" my suicide, it suddenly hit me, an inner voice told me, "it is not worth it, you're still young, you still have a whole life" and that got me thinking, that voice was right, I still have a whole life, there are so many things that I still want to do. I haven't even seen the world yet. So after the voice woke me up, I started to reflect on myself by asking myself questions like: "Why did I make that mistake?", "Why did I do that?", "Why am I like this?", "How can I change myself?", so as I was meditating, I started slowly to answer those questions and started to learn more about myself and how to change. By doing this, I started to develop a different perspective on my life. I began to learn so many things about myself and the importance of thinking twice before saying something.

From that experience, another thing that I learned is that words have the ability to hurt someone. I always thought that words wouldn't reach me until I broke up but now I know it was silly to think that.

Words have a real power that can hurt someone deeply and this got me thinking "have I ever hurt someone with words or by saying nothing at all?". That's a question that I wouldn't get an answer to, as there were so many people who came and went in my life before I even realised it. With this new experience, now I understand the need to be careful with my words and with everything that I do.

I learned that knowing yourself is important, if you don't, the chance of making rash decisions is high and you're going to regret that later. Changing is difficult, nothing comes easy but once you are brave enough to take that step by step, you can make it happen. Just remember to always believe in yourself!

Once again, thank you to the lovely and wonderful @JustMeLauraX for putting out such an important message on change and growth that comes within it. Thank you again! I hope you all have enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I did. I'd like to take this moment to wish you all a Happy New Year. I hope 2020 is the year where we all experience growth and change through many opportunities, experiences and memories. Let's make this year a memorable one!

Sending you all virtual hugs,

KinderKari 💖