#NoFilter

#16: Not feeling connected enough: How can we be more present?

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Hi everyone and welcome to the new chapter of  #NoFilter.

I had this feeling gnawing on my insides for the past of couple of months where I sometimes felt lonely and disconnected to my close one, that had their full attention on their mobile device instead of cherishing the meeting (we didn't meet very often!). Using technology is fine but to what extent?

We are told that we can connect better through social media apps and what not, yet when we're supposed to be socializing (without the need to scroll on our app feeds), we just can't. There are so many social media apps but there's not enough 'talking'. Perhaps it is like this in my case, but there's a part of me (the observant part of me) that can argue that no, social media is actually making us feel lonely and not connected to physical talk were it should. No other style of talk makes us feel as good and connected as a physical face-to-face.

I had a friend that once she got a boyfriend, everytime she came around to hang out, she was glued to her phone screen, messaging him (every 2 minutes). She wasn't involved in our conversation, no. It was just a one way convo and we all know how one way things end. I remember sitting there, having a 30 minute roll of a conversation on my own. Yep, you heard that right. 30 minute of a blissful one way conversation with a person inside the room not acknowledging what I said. Not even an 'aha'.

Why do people feel so detached and lonely in a world that speaks 'connection'? Because that connection isn't as powerful as a physical one.

If we keep our eyes only on our device screens, we'll miss half of our lives. Unfortunately, I won't be able to make a change on my own in my personal life but I'll start to be more present in relationships. I will still use phone apps because apps like Wattpad do make me happy, but I'll definitely prioritize the relationships that are meaningful to me.

If you think you're in the position of using your phone too often, when in conversation with someone or when hanging out, and not listening to others (I'm not saying that you can't use it sporadically during your hanging-out time. It is only when you use it compulsively where it can raise some issues in the socialization), perhaps try to evaluate how that makes you feel. If you're not feeling connected enough, do you think the other person does? Do you think an hour less on your phone but talking more to someone could boost your happiness and help you bond?

I believe small changes make a great impact. I know what it feels to be trapped under the covers of your thoughts, and so with letting it out and sharing your piece of mind with someone that means the world to you, is something valuable for our mind, body and soul :).

So remember, if you have the opportunity to spend time with someone that's dear to you, try to use it wisely (especially when you don't get to see them often).

Sending you all my virtual hugs,

KinderKari 💖