Disembodied Voices

*12:46am Sunday*

I hear the violent music of the colliding metal poles, only to awaken me in surprising fright, again. I don't know why I am surprised early every Sunday morning by this anomaly. It never will miss its opportunity to watch me get half scared to death.

It just has an odd feeling not to be frightened, like it needs me to react. It's almost feel like I am pressured into reacting, every time 'it' does this horrible trick, it's like I am losing something. Something other than my mind, I already know I am losing that.

Thinking about what happened yesterday, brings a constant flow of tears into my tired eyes. I rub them constantly to wipe away the tears but, it only makes the tears sting as the plummet towards my apple-round cheeks.

I cry too much...

Yes, I do cry a lot but, Rosa always said to me, that it's an easy way to let go of the pain. Since I have been through a lot of pain, I have just become accustomed to turn into a sobbing mess for an hour or so.

I don't like pain, no one really likes pain. People at school say they do but, I think they are just trying to cover up their inner weaknesses with a fake sense of strength. I also think that they are just making a 'fake identity' to look cooler than everyone else.

I remember one day, my friend Amber that we all call Almond, came to school with 3 bands of black tape around the middle of her forearm and a massive bandage on her thigh. I had asked her what had happened and have me a blank stare and dropped like a deer that had just been shot. I was shooed away from her by the school nurse, who happened to be close by, and sent to first class. They came to my class room, at about 9:37am, and told me Almond went in an ambulance to the closest hospital.

I came to visit her after school, I had got a lift from a friend who wanted to see here too. When we arrived, The doctor said that Almond was in complete shock from self harm the night before. They didn't know why she had done this but, when they searched her bedroom for clues to why, they found a suicide note on her windowsill. Thirteen used blades in a pool of blood beside the bed, were also found. Almond's parents had nothing to say and didn't want anything to do with the search and they didn't even visit Almond in hospital.

I visited her, almost everyday. Never did I have a friend like her, so I stuck by her through this.

When she was released she was 'clean' for about 4 days. Then, on a Friday afternoon, about 4:37pm, I opened her bedroom door to see her body laying dead on the bed.

I have never made another friend since...