Insanity || Ongoing

19. Unanswered questions

The pic above is Allen. Djsjskssksk he is so cute.

(EL POV) (4 YEARS AGO)

My hands are shaking, no wait, my entire body is shaking. I can barely breathe.

"Gosh, Allen, stop!" I say, between breaths, I can't stop laughing on my bed as Allen tickles the living crap out of me.

"Okay okay. But you did deserve that." Allen stops tickling me and plops down beside me.

Okay maybe a little, but you can only take so much right? I mean for days he had been constantly bullying me for eating that goddamn candle so I decided to put raspberry candle shavings in his ice cream.

Allen is Mr Gonzalez's younger son, Xan being his older. Xan lives with us as my dad's intern and my makeshift bodyguard. He is older than me so he is more like a brother figure, a safe haven, for me.

Allen, on the other hand, rarely visits, as he is always at boarding school. But when he does it's the best time ever. I don't have many friends because I'm homeschooled by a 'special' teacher. I am trapped in my mansion all day. Sure I gave a backyard the size of 7 soccer fields, but I have no friends to play soccer with so it's all pointless.

Allen turns his body towards me and just looks at me.

"You know, all year I wait for summer," he says shyly.

"Yeah, me too. I get lonely as hell here, but you must have many friends, why do you want summer."

"Because I get to see you. "

I turn redder than Santa's cap.

"Oh," says my dumbass.

"Sorry, that sounds so creepy. Please forget I said that." He laughed nervously, lying back on his back.

I painstakingly slowly slide my hand to his on the bed and tangle our fingers.

" I don't want to forget."

---

Green everywhere. We are so far away from the mansion we can't even see it. The old apple tree stands tall and authoritative and yet beautiful and sheltering. Our gingham red picnic blanket. Everything is right in place. I look at Allen and smile. He smiles back as we sit down and decide on what to do.

"Ellie, did you miss me?" Asks Allen softly. Allen has always been somewhat mature for our raw age of thirteen.

"More than you could imagine. Life was so boring there." I groan.

"Well, I missed you too. More than I should probably have." Allen blushes. And so do I. Those words are so cheeky and flirtatious but the way he says it makes me feel so soul crunchy if you know what I mean.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?" He asks out of the blue. Though I blush and feel all fuzzy again, I shrug his question off as a curiosity.

"No. I have thought about having a first kiss and all, read about it, but not had it."

"Neither have I. But there is someone I want to kiss."

"Who? Oo is it Rayana?"

"No! Hell Nah! Why would you think that?"

"I don't know... You both seemed close after I came back."

" Well, it's you."

"Huh?"

"It's you I want to kiss."

"Oh."

And then he just sits there like he didn't just say he wants to kiss me. I sit there too, for a while, until I get impatient and ask, "well so are you going to do it? Or were you being like hypothetical or sarcastic or something because like that's totally fine it's not like I am dying to kiss you or so-"

I froze. So his lips were on mine and this simple gesture made my thirteen-year-old heart go on overdrive. I close my eyes and kiss him back the way they do on movies. And it is perfect.

~~~~

"Allen where are you going!" I scream in tears. I am unable to think unable to speak. I don't understand the last three hours. We were on my bed kissing, and he tells me he loves me. Then he disappears for a few hours and comes back and tells me he's leaving? That we were a mistake?

I really don't understand. Is this a game or a prank or something? I run out the door behind him trying to stop him, to get him to look me in the eye and tell me this is a joke, that he didn't lie when he asks he loved me.

" Allen please turn around, I don't feel very good." My whimpering finally makes him stop still, and he slowly turns around. I see his red eyes and his sad face.

" don't try to find me, you won't." He sounds sad as if he hopes I will find him but knows that I won't.

He leaves me on the stairs of my mansion, alone again.

~~~~

(Present day)

"My family and Xan's go way back, but after Xan's parents passed away in a plane crash, Xan and Allen moved in with us. Eventually, Xan became like my older brother then, but with Allen, things were always different.

And I want to find Allen. And for that, I will need Xan."

~~~

After a long moment of silence, Xan says, "let me get this clear, my girlfriend wants to go on a road trip or whatever with her ex to find her ex's brother because he left with unanswered questions. Not to mention the ex's brother is also an ex?"

"Um, sort of?"

"I am going to leave now. I have... Something to do." Zehr abruptly announced and leaves.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask.

"Well, I just wish you had talked to about this without directly going to your ex."

"Before being my ex, Xan was also pretty much my best friend, you know that right. He was the fourth person to see me after I was born. So u have to understand why I would go to him with this." Kai gets all pouty and jealous, so I put my arms around him and cuddle him.

"Is someone a little jelly welly?" I muster my best baby voice while saying this and kiss his cheek.

"I am serious, you know. Where you in love Allen?" this question catches me off guard. Love? I did love him, definitely but 'in love'?

"I don't know, I was so young but it felt really real." I kiss him and he melts into me.

"Can we please not fight. If we do head out on a road trip you will be the first person I'd invite. Just because I need Xan doesn't mean I don't need you."

"Okay, so I'll start packing?"

"Hold your horses," I laugh. "Let Xan arrive first."

This gains groan from Kai, "Does he have to come?"

"Yes!"

~~~

I loved writing this chapter! The first version I wrote was crap so I rewrote it and now it is way better but sorry for the late update!

I have exams now ugh I am de screwed for those. Also, I have heard great things about 'Truly devious' and I'm gonna start reading it! I am so excited about that.

The book is getting so nice and light-hearted I almost feel bad for what's coming a Lil later. Tooled until then though.

Love yall.

N like vote pls it's good for my self-esteem.