The Journals of Wade Dillans: The Four Seasons of August

August 12

August 12, 1999 (4:00 PM)

Apparently sleeping in class can send you to detention . People here are a bit uncontrollable except for me and Dianna. Everyone is just being wild because Mr. Tim who's supposed to be here is watching a television show in the teachers lounge. He never cared about his students so he had no favorites and nobody in the entire student body liked him, except Dianna who seems to take interest on Mr. Tim's access to the school records. I know this is mean but it does live up to her motto:"The only way to succeed is to step on others while stepping on the people who try to step on you." I know the quote has absolutely NO moral value but it's sadly partly true. Stepping on others is the fastest way to success but it's also the most unstable. Remember the time when I was a kid, when I exchanged my papers with my very intelligent but not so wise seatmate, no? I haven't written this down right?

So I was taking my finals but I didn't study, just like I always did back then. I was a troublemaker like Jed, actually that's how we became friends. I had a seatmate then named Frank. He was smart, neat and shy. I waited for him to go to the bathroom, because he had a weak bladder and he went to the bathroom every hour. While I was waiting I faultily answered the questionnaire, except for the fifth question where I knew the answer. When he exited the room and when the teacher wasn't looking I took my paper and placed it on his table and then took his paper to my table and I changed his name to my name. I was done and I relaxed until it was time to pass the papers. When I was about to get out of the room, the teacher called Frank and I to her desk. It's already obvious what happened after that. I was caught and I was given the proper sanctions. When the results for the test was released both me and Frank failed. It's almost impossible that he failed though so, someone else might have cheated both of us.

The point is that what Dianna is doing is not the best way to success although I admit it is the fastest.

Dianna and I are gonna watch a movie after detention. I agreed because I have nothing to do but visit Alice who might be angry at me.

~End of Log

August 12, 1999 (7:00 PM)

Dianna and I watched the movie right after we got out of detention. We hurried to the cinema because we were gonna be late. The cinema was so full when we arrived that we sat at the last row because it was the only row that had available seats. The movie was great by the way and people were reacting in unison as if we were in a classmates instead of being people who never knew each other. After that we went here in the hospital because Dianna had her check up and I visited Alice.

Alice is now fully conscious and I talked to her just now.

I entered Alice's room. It had a painting of a stream on one of it's walls, the white paint emphasizing it's beauty. I turned to Alice and saw her blank face with a scar lining the side of her face. I immediately felt guilty.

"I'm sorry, for everything, for being the most unfriendly friend that I could possibly could."

She bit her lip with a doubting look, facing away from me. She obviously considered not to forgive me. I was scared I didn't want to be unforgiven as much as anyone would. After a moment of pure silence, she finally looked at me and said "I'm sorry for being friendliest friend I could possibly could, but that was obviously not enough for you."

My brain knew immediately what it meant. It was painful. It was like a bird smacked right to my chest. 

"I think you should go now." She said with her straight face, and that was it. I was there, unforgiven.

Now I'm sitting on one of these white plastic benches not looking at the people who pass-by that may very well be dead but at the floor where suddenly every speck and dot became thought provoking. No matter how sincere my apology is she could still reject it.

~End of Log

August 12, 1999 (12:00 MM)

Kitch Park is lonely at night although I feel safer here, away from the people that hurt, the people who just don't care, the people who just burns through me.

I'm alone here with only the trees around me and this lamp post by my side. The stars are the only things watching me, showing me it's constellations. I'm probably one of the most miserable people living on this planet. If only I could reach the stars, retrieve it, and use it to guide me. I think those stars are people, they guide us, it is the soul of people who have left us and people who are not dammed enough to go to hell. I will hopefully be one of them someday, overseeing everyone I know, my possible family, friends and enemies.

I know thinking about the stars just might make people think I'm stoned but I'm not, I'm only seeing the beauty of the skies, the beauty of the people up there. Helping. But sadly the stars were blacked out by the clouds when I arrived the house, Dad was with someone I didn't know but somehow familiar. I was upset so I went here, to be alone. Just like what I want. Always have.

~End of Log