Life goes on

Chapter fourteen: Family

the next day after i had talked to Renea was slow. i decided to get some rest and sleep in for the weekend. i was laying in bed feelings myself drift off into sleep and i had a quite odd dream. i was dreaming that my brother, Jay died. i woke up in a panic, crying so hard not remembering the events that had taken place in the dream but i remembered seeing my brother, dead. i was shaking and so uneasy. i couldn't believe that my self conscience would think of something like that. it felt too real. i sat on my bed for at least an hour just trying to calm myself down. after i felt i have had enough time to gather myself i got up and went to my bathroom and sat on the floor with my phone to my right. i was sitting there for a couple of minutes and decided to text Adrian to meet up later in the day.
me: hey, Adrian could we meet up later today? i had a dream that seemed too real and i just need someone to talk to and be there for me.
Adrian: yeah, that's fine. where do you want to meet? i can come to your house or you could come to mine?
i was thinking about him coming over and then my parents would probably ruin it but then i realized they had to work all day for extra hours or something like that so i was home alone.
me: you should come over, my parents aren't going to be home all day so they won't ruin my time with you. i'll get some snacks from the store real quick so i'll meet you here in an hour.
Adrian: it's okay, i'll get the snacks. i know what you like. i'll be there in thirty.
it was so sweet how we knew each other so well. i loved the feeling of having a connection with someone that as more than a friend. i loved having someone who could understand me and love me for who i am and give me attention that i so desperately need. i've realized that i need better than what Noah gave me. the one thing that rips my heart to pieces is all of the memories we used to have. all of the smiles and laughed we shared. all of the stories we would sit around for hours on end listening to. the endless nights of being reckless and having fun together. but then there is also the bad times that i remember. all of the times he never answered me and when i would be left to wonder where he is or what he's doing to not be answering me. or me worrying for what seemed like forever if he's okay. or all of the petty little arguments we got into over small subjects. i loved him though. it was real love. he never hit me, or hurt me. one was always better then the worst. but not the better then the best.
about thirty minutes later i heard a knock on the door, i was so exited to see Adrian and talk about things, not just my dream but about us too. i opened the door and it was my brother?! i haven't seen him in four years and NOW he decides to turn up?
"he-hey little sis, how you been?" my brother said while slurring his words.
"Jay are you drunk? you decide to see me when you are drunk? after four years of you not contacting the rest of the family and you decide to see your own blood sister when you are not in the right mine set?" i was mad, angry even. i wanted to go off on him but i knew he wouldn't understand.
"l-li-listen. i-i need a place t-to stay." Jay said still half mumbling and slurring his words.
"your so lucky mom and dad aren't here. come in, i'll get your old room fixed up. go sit by the toilet until i come get you." just incase if he had to puke or do whatever i wanted him to be clean and not get the house a wreck. "wait.. how did you get here? did you drive?!" i didn't want to know how he got here but i'm sure he was drunk driving. "you know what, never mind just go to the bathroom.
"o-okay lil sis" he says as a reply.
crap! i still have Adrian coming over. i made up my mind to call him real quick and tell him what's going on.
"heyyy Adrian, my brother showed up drunk to my doorstep and i have to take care of him. do you know a good cheap hotel that i can put him in for a little bit until we figure out what to do? i'm sure my parents would be very mad if they saw he was back home."
"yes, sure thing. there's one on the corner of 5th and sanger st. i think it's like $45 a night. i'll help pay if you-"
i interrupted him, "no it's okay, i have some money. i can let him say there for about a week. that should give us enough time to get things figured out"
"okay well i'm a block away, want me to drive you two there" Adrian is so considerate. i love how he cares for others like this. and i don't want to drive my brother somewhere and him freak out or grab my wheel while i'm driving.
"yes please, it'd be too dangerous to drive him on my own. when you get here just come in."
"okay bye" we hung up the phone and i started to grab some of his old cloths and pack them up for him to stay in the hotel. i grab him and tell him that we're going for a fun ride to a nice hotel where he will be staying for the night. i had to lie to him or else he wouldn't come. he agreed and i sat in the backseat with him making sure he was alright.
"so who isssss this Nazzzery? your.. boyfffriend?" Jay said incoherently.
"no, he's just a close friend for now. i needed him to drive us since i only have my permit to drive." i had to lie to him, once again.
"ohhhhhhh okay" Jay said as a response. we arrived at the hotel and it actually wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. it's off season for all of the business people right now so all of the hotel prices are lower. i got a one bed room for him and told him i'll be back tomorrow morning. he didn't want me to "leave him alone" but i told him that if he needs anything to just call me. his car was still at my house so i didn't have to worry about him driving anywhere.
me and Adrian get back in the car and drive back to my house. to my surprise my parents still aren't home, they should be here in an hour or too but they never work this late on the weekends. i didn't mind though. it was just more time i get to spend with Adrian. we get inside and go into my room. i lit on my bed and Adrian sits on my couch.
"that was so annoying. i can't wait to talk to him in the morning, i want to see what he says." i say as i start to lay down on my bed.
"want me to be there with you in the morning?" Adrian asks with the sweetest tone.
"could you please do i don't have to be alone if anything goes bad?"
"sure thing." me and Adrian start to talk a little bit and he asks me what i wanted to tell him. i proceeded to tell him about my dream and how it was so weird of him to come home after it happened. owe talk a little about that and what it could mean but then we just got quiet for a minute.
"Adrian theres also another thing i wanted to talk about."
"okay shoot"
"well, you know i really like you and i always have. i've always pushed it in the back of my mind because i didn't want to hurt our friendship and the people around us. you are everything and so much more. words can't even express the feelings i have towards you but u realized that i'm scared to love again. i don't want to get hurt. i want to be with you, i really do but i feel myself pulling away. its like my conscience is trying to prevent me from going through all of the pain again. it's hard, it really is but i don't know what to do. you mean so much to me and you always have. i can't even explain how loosing you would feel. so i retract myself from getting attached to you because i know that hurt would be so heartbreaking. i barely made it through Noah and i just can't imagine loosing someone that's closer to my heart. it's so hard to tell you this because i know that there's a possibility that you might get freaked out and decide not to do this. and i completely understand that. it's just hard to learn to love again. it's like every time i'm alone i think about all of the happy memories that me and Noah had. it's horrible. but i also remember the arguments and how we broke up. it keeps replaying in my head non stop and i just need to find myself again"
"find yourself in me Nazery. i have the same thing but i'm so certain about this. it could be such a beautiful thing for us. we can grow together and find ourselves along the way. we don't have to be alone.. you don't have to be alone. you mean so much to me and i wouldn't let you go for the world."
it's like every word he spoke was so mesmerizing. i really hope what he's saying is true. i love him. deeper than i can imagine. i just can't get myself to express that to him. over time i'm sure it will come back. i just really want us to grow together and be happy again.
(next day) i woke up and got ready to see my brother. i called Adrian and he said he's been ready and that he'll be here in 5 minutes. i fix my hair in a quick messy bun and head out my house. my parents were here but they wouldn't notice if i was gone. besides, they have each other to keep company. i get into Adrians car and head to the hotel. we arrive and get off and start walking to his room. we knock on the door and wait a couple of minutes. he isn't answer. we knock again and wait about five minutes until he finally answered. Adrian said he had to get something from the car so i waited for him and he came back with a bag. we head inside and start small talk.
"i'm so hungover. i need medicine." Jay says.
"i brought you some. take these pain killers and drink this green tea." Adrian says with certainty.
"thanks man, i didn't get your name?"
"it's Adrian, i drove you and Nazery here last night."
"thanks bro, i'm sorry for showing up like that. it was super dumb of me. i have an apartment up north, i just wasn't thinking straight." that was such a relief to hear.
"family is always here for you.. or at least i always am. let's go back to the house so you can get your truck and go home. keep in touch with me and next time, please just call me before you come over. mom and dad could've been home. i brought some of your cloths incase if you had to stay here a couple of nights." i say in response.
"thank you sis, i love you"
"love you too" we go back into Adrians car and drive to my house, say our goodbyes and go our separate ways. i'm glad i got all of this off of my chest. now i just have to look forward to prom next weekend.