Finding You.

CHAPTER 3

I sniffle a sob as I push the too fresh memory away, my phone vibrates and our picture appears on the flashing screen. I don't know why he bothers calling me when he knows quite too well that I won't answer his calls, not after this humiliating shit he has just put me through.

Asiphe lives about a ten-minute
walk away from my home, I know her, she isn't my friend since we started off
on the wrong foot, but we used to play netball together, back when my
relationship with Lizo was still new.

How did I miss it? Am I that naïve that I'm
completely oblivious to any shit Lizo does behind my back? Who else knows
about this?
When I check my phone again, I see that it's already noon, which means that it's time for me to get ready for work.

I'm a local Au-pair for a thirteen year old boy named Daniel, and he migrated from the DRC with his mother to get a better education here in South Africa. His father still lives in the DRC, while his three siblings are studying around the world.

I began working here early February and we have become very close during this time spent together, they live in an elegant estate all the way in Roodeport, that's a
100km drive Monday-Friday, to and fro, but I'm quite lucky that I don't get
stuck in traffic since I start work at 14:00-18:00 so my times are altered with
the other employees in the city.

I push myself from the bed and go into the shower, hoping that the rush of the
hot water will wake me up from this terrible nightmare which I have
encountered. It doesn't help though because I find myself crying again as I get out of the shower, within seconds of moisturizing my body, I slip on my black and white legging tights, a long-sleeved black crop top with a silver Mickey Mouse print, and my white Adidas sneakers. My hair is tied in a bun and I don't bother putting on any make-up to cover my recent crying and swollen eyes, because I suspect that fresh tears will fall again on my drive to work.
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Involuntary tears burn my eyes as my playlist is filled with sombre melodies
and love songs, Jorja Smith _Don't watch me cry is playing when my mind takes
me back down the now unpleasant memory lane.

On the other side we lock eyes, heavy and swollen dark chocolate eyes meet
up with low, chestnut brown eyes, red on the rims due to the recent smoking.

"Thank you" I finally say to him, I really want to break this eye contact but
something about his eyes compel me to look deeper into them. "You're
welcome" he says and I finally look away from him, I feel embarrassed for
staring, but he was just staring right back at me... "Will you be okay to walk
alone?". . . "Yes it's just down the road so I'll be fine", he lets go of my hand and the air hits my recently sweaty palm... wait what? I still had my hand in his?

Why hadn't he let it go earlier? I need to get away, I'm too high that I might be
embarrassing myself... "Will I see you tomorrow?" . . . "What?" I ask in
astonishment, I was too busy feeding my brain with unwanted thoughts and
didn't hear what he said. He chuckles a little "Tomorrow... same time, same
place?" he asks again, "uhm, sure I'll see you tomorrow, thanks again" and
with that I turn to walk away not sure whether I'm walking away from him or
his gaze. After passing 3 houses, something in me makes me turn my head to look back, and to my surprise he is still standing there looking at me.

My heart leaps to my head at the sight, I feel like Icarus flying close to the sun,
I trip on a log and fall on my knees, well maybe too close that I get burned. Lizo
is on my side again helping me up, he gently brushes the dirt gathered on my
knees from the tarred ground "Are you okay?" he asks, "No, I am not okay, I
just got high with a group of boys I hardly know, I couldn't cross the road and you had to help me, I stared at you for too long and you had my disgusting sweaty palm in your hand for at least two minutes, and now you've just witnessed me falling on my knees and here you are again to help me, so no I am not okay, I am embarrassed" is what I want to say but instead all I can say is "I'm fine, thanks again"