Finding You.

CHAPTER 23

SOMILA

My body is numb from being in bed the entire day. I slowly open my eyes and find that I'm surrounded by darkness all around me. An arm is sprawled across my abdomen and there's slow breathing on my right side. My body relaxes and I immediately know that I'm with Aya.

Wondering how the nurses allowed him to sleep next to me, I shake him lightly using my left hand. "Aya."
"Mhm" he moans, but doesn't stir. "Aya..." I shake lightly again, careful not to touch his stitch. "Mila... please stop shaking me." He says in a sleepy voice. "Then wake up." I hiss back, getting a few more moans before he moves his arm from me and turns on a side lamp.

We're in his room... in Johannesburg? I shut my eyes closed then open them again, hoping for reality to kick back in... No luck, I'm still under the drug, I'm seeing things that aren't there, I'm seeing things that I wish were there.

Maybe Aya isn't here, maybe he's never been here... and my mother, my mother was never really here. I probably imagined the whole thing, maybe I'm still on the cold dirt ground, just waiting to die.

Something in me cracks and I begin to sob, first softly then it gradually becomes louder. "Mila?" The imaginary Aya's voice whispers in my ear, then his head shoots up to look at me. "Hey... what's wrong? Why are you crying?" his features are filled with concern, his sleepy red eyes now wide open... I'm waiting for his face to slowly fade away at any moment. "You're... not... r-real." my words come between sobs. "You're not really here. I'm dying and you're not here." I cry hysterically.

His hand is on the side of my face, gently wiping the tears away with his thumb. "Mila I am real. I'm really here baby, and I'll stay for as long as you need me to. I'm here... I'm here." He sits up, his back against the navy velvet headboard. He places my head on a pillow he placed on his thighs. I lay there and listen to the rhythm of his hand stroking my back, while my hysteria turns into hiccupped sobs until I fall asleep.

When I wake up again, the room is still dimly lit by the side lamp and I'm still on Aya's laps. I turn my face to look up at him just as he moves a book from his face, revealing glasses on his eyes. "You wear glasses?" I ask in surprise, they look so cute on him, giving him the whole sexy nerd college boy look. "Only when I read... my eyes find it hard to adapt to the small print for a long time."
"They look really good on you." I compliment him and notice his cheeks going crimson.

"Its dark, what time is it?" I'm looking towards the big window that always has its curtains drawn apart. "A little past midnight." He answers, looking at his wrist watch. "How long was I asleep?"
"About four hours." I'm caught by surprise that he hasn't moved an inch since I fell asleep on top of him. "And you've been sitting in that position for "about four hours"? Why didn't you wake me up?"

I really feel bad, I'm sure he must also be exhausted after the past couple of hours. "Yes, and I didn't wake you up because you needed that rest. Hungry?" he asks as he shuts the book closed and places it on the side table. I can't get myself to answer him since I'm still hung up on our previous conversation.

*****

We're sitting on the breakfast counter after slowly making our way down the flight of stairs. A salami and cheese sandwich, and cranberry juice is in front of me, and I'm thankful that my appetite is back as I savour the sandwich using my left hand.

"How did I get here?" I ask, trying to make sense of why I'm here instead of being at home. "The ambulance fetched us from the hospital and dropped us off here."

"Oh yea. So... why am I here instead of home with my family?"
"Your mum and I thought it would be safer if you stay here for a few days... until you get better and can get to work again."