Kisses | Reddie

ten ☆ it's a match!

by: endversed on ao3 (all credit goes to this amazing author)

Eddie Kaspbrak has been single by choice for two years when his best friend, Bill, forces him to download Tinder. Eddie agrees only to appease Bill; it's not like he's going to find anyone on there worth his time, and he's very prepared to swipe left on everyone he comes across. Richie Tozier, 23 exists only to ruin this plan of Eddie's.

Warning: themes of past domestic abuse are discussed

This one is long (but definitely worth it!)

~~~~~

Eddie Kaspbrak isn't particularly interested in dating, for a few reasons.

When he was young, too young to really be thinking about anything even vaguely romantic, his mother warned him off going anywhere near girls. "They'll only break your heart, Eddie-Bear," she used to say, clutching him against her podgy chest and stroking his hair. "You're too fragile; it'll only end in tears. The only woman you'll ever need is your mama." He'd believe this to be the gospel truth, as all kids do of their parents words at that age, and studiously cried ew and yuck any time the girls and boys in his grade would play kiss chase.

As he grew older, he realised it was maybe a little too easy for him to stick to his mom's advice and steer clear of girls. He knew he wasn't interested in them, not in that way, not anything beyond purely platonic and childish friendship. He never thought about holding their hands or kissing them like Bill, Eddie's best friend since kidergarten, did. He made it all the way to seventh grade thinking he was just the best son ever, his ma would be so proud of him sticking to her words, but then a new kid transferred to their school, and suddenly - suddenly, Eddie was thinking about holding hands and kissing. But he wasn't thinking about doing it with girls.

Of course, Eddie did nothing externally with this information - not in a town like Derry, and definately not with a mother like his, who often spoke about those dirty queers. His mom didn't want him to be dirty, and the way she would say those words... Eddie knew she thought those people were the dirtiest of all. It would upset his mama too much if he didn;t hide this part of himself, push it down so far that maybe, eventually, it might just disappear on it's own, so that's exactly what he did.

He did an absolute fantastic job of it for years and years, burying it deep down inside and pretending to agree when Bill would say this or that girl from school was pretty. It was only when he was seventeen, and Bill dragged him to a house party a few towns over where Eddie got absolutely stinking drunk, that his perfectly executed lie of a life began to unravel.

Eddie, met a boy, a boy who was in college, a boy who took a liking to little Eddie standing in the corner. Eddie can't even remember this boy's name, but he can remember his touch - his large hands clutching at Eddie's waist, his thigh pressed in between Eddie's legs, mouth hot and wet against Eddie's. Eddie was three sheets to the wind at this point, not realising or or really caring that he waa doing this, with a boy, where anyone and everyone could see them.

When he woke up in the morning on Bill's bedroom floor, Bill was already up and levelling Eddie with his we are going to discuss this look. Eddie had instantly freaked out, babbling almost incoherently, talking about how sorry he was, he knows he's disgusting, Bill won't ever have to see him again, sorry, sorry, sorry. He had been shoving his stuff into his rucksack when Bill had caught his arm and forced him to stay still.

"Eddie," he'd said, eyes soft as he wrapped Eddie into a hug. "It's n-not wrong. You're not disgusting. I just w-wish you'd told me."

Eddie had cried; wracking, sobbing tears against Bill's chest. Year's worth of repression came flooding out - all this time thinking he was sick, he was wrong, that he had to hide this part of himself because he'd dissapoint everyone around him if he let himself give into it. Yet, here Bill was, holding him and telling him it was okay, he was okay, Bill had always and will always love him, and this definitely wasn't something that could change that.