trouvaille // jenlisa

thirty two

/JENNIE/

I eyed Chaeyoung as she took notes from the presentation in front of the class. She glanced up several times and then went back to writing on her notes. After a moment, I sighed lightly and started to pay more attention to the lecture, Management History.

Ever since Lisa went out last night, I couldn't stop thinking about all the what if's and might have even ruined my sleep onto overthinking.

I couldn't help but think about the way Lisa's so reserved and mysterious sometimes. There are times where she gave me details about her feelings even when I didn't ask her to, but then other times it seemed like she closed off the curtains and block me from the view.

How much did I not know about Lisa?

Especially about her past, or even the present times. The only thing I knew about her past was that her mom passed away when she's just 17 when she freshly graduated from the academy—or camp, but I forgot the name. Achilles Camp? Ageou-something Camp? Aegeus? Yeah, it's probably Aegeus Camp.

My eyes were looking straight at the presentation in front of the class, but my mind was somewhere else...

"Do you have someone special?" I asked, feeling like I wanted to know Lisa more.

Like I needed to know Lisa more.

"I did," Lisa smiled as she copied my previous answer.

"Tell me,"  I scooted closer to Lisa—if it was even possible.

"We were young, and in love. We were happy, but then something happened that made us choose. I couldn't risk seeing her going through hell for me, so I thought it would be better if we end whatever we had back then. Hell, if only I knew how wrong I was," Lisa sighed and somehow, I could feel her pain.

"You still love her, don't you?" I blurted out, failing to cover the obvious sadness in my voice. I didn't even know why I felt so pathetic all of a sudden.

"I don't think there'll be a day where I don't," Lisa smiled weakly, and then I crumbled inside.

I could still vividly remember that night. We were just chilling at the park, hot chocolate in hands, heads rested upon each other. I could still also remember the stinging pain I felt when I heard Lisa saying that. Oh, well, maybe I didn't remember it that well, but the pain just resurfaced and hurt me all over again.

That time, Lisa was still stuck upon her ex... while I was beginning to realize I actually had real feelings for her. So, technically, I fell for her first. But that was the only time Lisa had ever, ever talked about her ex. I never interrogated further and she never elaborated either. I basically had zero clues about who her ex was.

I didn't know why I never asked, though. Maybe because it had never crossed my mind, seeing how faithful Lisa was, how she always made sure I know how much she loved me... I felt like I was too stuffed by her love that I always failed to notice that she also hid secrets within herself. Weird, wasn't it? She told me she trusted me. Then why holding back?

"Jennie," I snapped my head at the voice—who was Chaeyoung's. "Are you even listening?"

"Uh," I looked around and the class was half-empty already, most of the students already left. "No, sorry. I spaced out."

I could feel Chaeyoung's eyes on me as I tidied up my books, but I tried my best to ignore her.

It was our last class of the day, and now we could finally go home... but I didn't think any of us really wanted to go home already. I felt like somehow, we both have something to talk about.