trouvaille // jenlisa

thirty six

/TZUYU/

I woke up with a start, Lisa's image making my head pound heavier. It wasn't the first time I dreamt of her. To be frank, ever since I visited, she hadn't got out of my mind. It's like she's stuck there—or rather I imprisoned her there.

I wish I could be selfish enough to be mad at her for leaving all of us behind and move on with someone new. But no, I couldn't do that to her. I love her too much to pull her away from her happiness.

But still, that didn't mean that I wasn't hurting.

A little part of me couldn't stop asking, where's this Lisa who vowed to love me until eternity ends? Did the promise mean nothing to her?

Was I that easy to forget, to unlove, to get over from?

But I stayed to my promise. Her happiness is mine. Will always be. If she's happy, who was I to take that away from her?

Apparently, no one. Just her past lover who was still incredibly head over heels for her.

"Tzuyu? Why are you crying?"

I snapped my head to see the Sorcerer approaching. Up to this day, she still hadn't told me her name. But she told me to call her Gen, which was apparently not her real name. I guess I'd never know her real identity.

"Bad dream,"

"Hm, really? Or is it another dream of Lalisa?"

My heart gave a strange twitch when the name fell from her lips. Did every Sorcerer know everything about everyone? I wonder what she knew that I didn't.

"Yeah. But it was a bad dream,"

"Why? What happened?"

I sighed and sat back. "Exactly... nothing happened. It's just, our memories were replaying themselves in my head. I was taken back to the time where we... exist,"

Gen stayed silent for a while.

"It's pathetic, isn't it? She's there being happy and being loved and treated just the way she deserves to be treated, and I'm here, still hopelessly aching for her," I chuckled bitterly. "I wish I could hate her. Wouldn't it be easier for me? She left me. She moved on. Shouldn't I hate her instead of loving her harder than before?"

"Hate is a strong word," Gen commented. "Lalisa hated herself for so long because she's guilty of not being able to save you. And now, she has her happiness. Don't you think she deserves it?"

I bit my lower lip, "I know, I know. It's just... what about me? I... I deserve to be happy too."

Gen smiled.

"Of course, you do. But you can't be happy if your definition of happiness is Lisa. You need to truly let go of her, can you do that?"

"I... I don't know. It's hard," I sighed.

"Yeah, it is," Gen confirmed, her eyes looking distant for a while before she snapped back to reality. "Anyway, I'm going to the river to catch some fishes. Do you want to come?"

"As long as I won't be holding those slick, slippery fishes bare-handed like the last time. Their texture is disgusting,"

Gen chuckled, "Fine. But you're the one who's going to cook for tonight. Deal?"

"Deal."

Gen looked only about five years older than me, but I knew she aged more than that. She was the definition of an old soul inside a youthful body. Who knows, maybe she's aged more than a hundred years?