Think Again

"I want and I need you to trust me."

Chapter 21 : “I want and I need you to trust me.”

‘I will love you, like I’ve never been hurt. Run through fire for you, like I’ve never been burnt.’

 

Recap

“You’ll know when you do something.”

“What?”

Pause.

“Marry me.”

*

My heart stops beating and for a split second, I think I’m hearing things. I stare at him incredulously, and I think he’s serious. Then, my heart does flips and summersaults and its jolting everywhere. Beating and pumping so fast I think I’m about to puke it out.

“Wait. No.”

“No?”

“No, I mean, not no. Just this is crazy. You drive me crazy.”

“So do you. So marry me.”

“Wait, give me a second to breath, for fuck’s sake.”

He drops his hand and gives me a look of outmost despair before dropping his gaze as well.

“Chris, look, I don’t know why you are asking me this and it’s so sudden that I don’t know what to think and I don’t know if this is real or if it’s the alcohol talking. You - ,” words fail me.

“ – you can’t just ask me that. At this time. Like that.” I meant everything I said.

I don’t want to be proposed to like this. I’m not asking for a grand gesture or a party worth a million dollars. All I’m asking is something sincere. I need to know that he loves me and that I am the one. I need to be assured. I can’t agree just yet even though it’s the only thing I want to do right now. I need to know.

“So it’s not a no?” His eyes light up like Christmas lights.

I pull him in for a hug. A hug that spoke a million words. 

“It’s not a no. But I meant what I said. Prove it to me.”

He moves closer to me and he’s leaning down to kiss. But he doesn’t. He’s just hovering over me. Instead, he kisses my cheek.

“Stay the night, please.” His voice is so persuasive. He’s begging me. To stay the night.

I nod, not finding the ability to talk with him so close to me. He leans back and my personal space is no longer invaded. It’s not that I don’t like it but it gets me all jumpy and weird and I’m not familiar with this feeling. It feels like heaven and hell colliding. It’s not a pretty sight you might think but it’s both beautiful and terrifying at the same time.

“I’m going to take a shower.” He turns and I am left in the room alone.

I feel giddy and dazed. I can’t help but laugh in spite of myself. After standing in the middle of the room looking like a complete idiot, I snap out of it and kneel down to clean the pieces of glass all over the floor.

*

I hear a groan coming from the toilet so I rush in immediately, without a second thought.