Benjey Smuts

A cliche

Jorge.

I met him at a party. As cliche as it sounds it happened. On February 25, 2020. Limber High had their annual sports day event though it was quite boring as no one really paid attention to the sports on the field more than they dispersed onto the school grounds with their group of friends.

A friend brought me to the party. Turns out not many people knew about it and it was filled with a collective of people. Not many. Only about eleven and I made twelve.

They sat in a circle with with their legs crossed and when I sat with my friend she immediately begins to talk with the group of people.

Then my eyes roamed the room and it lingered on two people. It was this boy with dark hair. He sat beside another boy who climbed to him and looked bored. There was no alcohol which led me to believe they were white respectful but at the same time willing to take risks.

The game began. A game of truth or dare. It started up rather R rated. With dares such as kiss the prettiest girl in the room or twerk on another. Pretty explicite.

The bottle that they use never stopped on me and I was glad because I knew I couldn't handle it. But it did stop on the dark hair boy who smirked when he looked at the girl who was about to give him his dare.

A pretty childish dare. He was dared to kissed the boy on his arm for three Mississippi's and he took it gracefully. He never complained only looking smug as if this dare was a honour. A song came ok but I wasn't paying attention I was looking at them curiously.

The boy on his arms looked as if he never even wanted to do it but then he got into it and my mouth felt dry. It seems they were together they way the boy's lips roamed with the black hair boy with feverish experience. They've done this before. Together.

I stopped paying them and the game continued until I had to leave. I wasn't very joyous that day. Someone was triggered at that party and I did not know what it was. I never cared anyways I will never see those people again.

Only that was false.

He texted me that night. I complimented him on his relationship in a friendly manner and he stated that not everything is as it seemed and I nodded cause that was more than true. We talked and talked and got to know each other.

They broke up the next week. Something about the boy cheating on this black hair boy that I soon to learn was named Benjy.

Benjy was sweet at times but the tone of his voice when he sent voice messages proved that he could also be vulgar and I guess that's what kept me blushing at each and every one if his words. His voice messages were played on repeat and I never cared for the words he spoke but just for his voice that held me captivated.

We never communicated at school because I was younger than him. He is sixteen and am fourteen so our campuses are separated. But we commute for lunch.

From we started talking over the phone it's as if I saw him everywhere. In the mornings, at lunch and at the ending of school. My eyes always seemed to find his and I wasn't liking it one bit.

The feelings I am having for this boy was confusing me and I had no idea how to.control these emotions. And it only took me one look from a complete stranger who asks "what is your sexuality?" And without thinking I said "Demisexual."

A part of me knew that I lacked emotional connection and I always desired it.

At a young age I discovered porn and it would always shock me when I saw the same man or woman with someone else in another video because apart of me believed even so young that they were supposed to be in love.