I'm Not Supposed To Like You

E I G H T

   Trigger Warning: verbal abuse, mentions of self harm, suicide attempt and just overall a sad chapter.

Shigaraki's p.o.v

   I woke up in Recovery Girl's office laying on a soft cot, the sunlight pouring in through a window to my left. Lifting up my arms, they weren't bloody but rather replaced with large white scars. Recovery Girl was standing by my bed, a content frown rested on her face. "I'm surprised you're awake right now. You passed out due to blood loss. You're going to have some nasty scars. It's a dangerous habit young man. Be careful." With that, she grabbed more bandages and handed me some folded up clothes which I assumed was my uniform. "Go change in there." She said, pointing to a door. "Your teacher said you can take a break for the rest of the day because of your injuries." I stood up, barely able to limp into the room which was now seen as a bathroom. Taking off the scrubs I had on, I changed my uniform slowly. My arms weren't wrapped but my neck and legs were which makes me believe she could only heal my arms without draining too much energy. 

   After I changed my uniform, I left with a wave and went to my locker. My bag was stuffed in my locker so I just removed the books from it making sure I had everything else before tossing the bag on my back. My locker door slammed shut and I flinched, not expecting the loud sound to rip through the halls. "What do you want Dabi?" I asked, barely looking in his direction before walking to the exit. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You passed out during practice so I was naturally worried about you." I grimaced. "You. Worried about the person you drove to attempt suicide?Wow. I'm surprised." I said sarcastically as I walked out of the doors. He followed.

   "I didn't drive you to do anything. That was all you." He defended, throwing his arms in the air. "You seriously don't know how words effect people do you? Let me get something through your thick skull; being called a villain by someone you so desperately love and look up to, hurts. No matter if you say you don't mean it or not, those words came out of your mouth and were directed as an insult towards me. Words. Kill." I wanted to ignore him now. All he was doing was making me angrier than I already was. "You are the one who went through it. Everyone knows you just did it for attention. I bet you weren't even going to tr-" he stopped himself, his eyes widening when he realized what he said. "Why do I love you?" I asked. It was mainly a question towards myself said out loud. "What do you mean?" He answered. "I said, why do I love you? I don't understand myself sometimes. Why do I love someone that hurts me?" He walked in front of me now, walking backwards so he could face me; sort of, I was looking at the cement. "I've never hurt you." He sounded hurt and angry. "You hurt me all the time. Words. Kill." 

   "Stop saying that dumb fucking phrase. I get it okay. Words kill. If you weren't such a fucking child and could take a joke I don't think we would have this conversation. But go ahead, be a child and run back home to your mommy. At least you have a family to go home to. I haven't seen them since I ran away when I was sixteen." He kicked the gravel under his feet. I chuckled. "You think I have a family? I live alone too. In a way, you do have a family to go home too. You have a family that's alive. My family died when I was twelve and it's all my fault. You don't know anything about me. You don't know me at all. So maybe think about the things you say before you say them." I felt like I had him beat in a way. 

   "Oh look at me. I'm just a depressed villain who seeks attention and thinks of nobody but myself. I cut myself so I get attention and I'm just a freak. I'm a child who killed his family and lives alone like a fucking loser. I make everyone take pity on me. I pretend to care about people when in reality I just use them so I feel less like a monster. Take a look around you Tomura. Nobody. Fucking. Cares." We had been walking to my house so he had just followed me. 

   "I get it. I know okay. Nobody cares. But it feels good to be cared about and you can't look me in the eyes and tell me you don't care about me because I know you do." We we're at my door now. I was having trouble unlocking the door through my watery eyes. I knew what I needed to do once I got inside. He followed. "Nobody has ever cared you fucking moron. I don't care." I walked into the bathroom. I didn't have a chance to clean the floors so blood was everywhere, the smell of burnt flesh and vomit invading the room. He stood back and looked around the small bathroom, his eyes wide and scared, then angry and sad. He looked about ready to throw up at the sight. "Why the fuck would you do this to yourself?" He asked, staring me in my eyes. My blazer fell to the floor and my white shirt underneath was short sleeved. "Because nobody will notice if I die. Nobody will realize I'm gone. Because with all of my being I down want to live anymore. Because nobody cares." I replied, grabbing the sharp pocket knife and holding it vertically to my wrist, slicing quickly and moving to the other wrist to do the same. He stood there, tears filling his eyes as he screamed. 

   "Nobody cares. Especially not you."