"no, you're not half the man you think that you are. & you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs, and cars." - Halsey
Arabella wasn't shocked when the truth surfaced. It was time for her heart to accept what her mind all ready knew. The fact that he was a fake, was something she always knew deep down. But, part of her always wished that one day he would wake up and love her.
"No, Melissa this isn't what you think I swear." She heard Malik hysterically trying to redeem himself. His voice was easily drowned out by the thoughts that swirled through her mind, and she walked away from the arguing couple.
So this was the end result. He never loved her, at least not in the way she loved him. He made that pretty clear when he chose Melissa over her. She felt like an awkward third wheel at a date, and she wondered if this is what felt so off about him. He could have shed his alligator tears to her, but why would he?
She wasn't the one he loved anyways.
She was just the side hoe, and in her mind, there was nothing worse. There was nothing worse than being there for someone only to be thrown away in the end. To spill so much effort into them as they put the same into someone else. She did everything she could for him, and she probably wasn't even a whole person in his eyes. Just someone to get high with. Just someone to fuck.
& loving someone you doesn't love you back, is the most poignant way of destroying yourself.
But she didn't really love him did she?
If she did, then she would feel some sort of loss. Some sort of pain. Instead she just felt extreme mortification. Yet, it was followed closely by relief. She had a reason to leave him now. Maybe she had one all along, but he was the only person she had. The only person who cared about her in some sort of way. Someone she could get high with and just forget about life for a little while.
It didn't take long for the realization to settle in. Malik was gone, and he wasn't even hers to lose. All of the spindles of a fabricated love story began to unwind. She started to unravel the leftover contents of their false relationship, scavenging for a piece to revive what they once had. It was something made her feel some sort of toxic happiness once upon a time. Racking her brain, she realized that she had no idea where it all went wrong, and had trouble accepting the fact that they were doomed from the start.
All those promises were now empty and broken. The things that made her happy, now made her come to the conclusion of how stupid she was. She spent so much time trying to chase what was never meant for her in the first place, getting sucked into his world in the process. She wondered how broken she must have been in order for him to dig his hooks into her. How she let the drugs fuck up the chemicals in her brain which her already haywire due to his effect on her.
How long has she waited? She waited for a change that never came, only hurting herself in the process. Time and time again, he showed her his true colors and she stayed, giving oh so many chances. She has found herself clinging to the illusion that her love for him created. She created defenses and excuses for each and every one of his actions.
She forgot that she deserved love too.
Now, here she was. Suffering the consequences of searching for love in shallow places. She gave away pieces of herself that his did not deserve, all because she thought that it was what she deserved.
She quickly took of his shirt, replacing it with the one she came in with. There was nothing here for her anymore, and it is now accepted. Her brain finally accepted what her heart already knew.
"Here is my number," Interrupting the arguing couple, she gave Melissa her number, "If you ever want to talk or get ahold of the details, we can meet for coffee or some shit."
"Did you know about me?" Melissa grabbed her by the arm, just as she was making her way out.
"Fuck no." She gently shook her arm loose, "I'm sorry, but I have to go."
She started out the door, without a second glance at Malik. It took her a couple minutes, and the wetness in her cheeks surprised her. She did not think that she would cry over that piece of absolute shit. Then it dawned on her.
She was not crying over him, but rather the fact that she was all alone, once again. She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk opening her bag and fished around for her pack of cigarettes. Right before she pulled one out, she hesitated.
no more.
Malik was the one who got her into this bullshit, and there was no way that she could keep doing it without the thought of him constantly resurfacing in her mind. Ever single trip, every single session. The feeling of being high will always be attached to him, and the only way to achieve full liberation was to let go of this part of her life.
she did not belong in his world anyways.
YOU ARE READING
the ones society stole
Teen Fictiondo you remember who you were? before society told you what was right or wrong. before you knew what was acceptable. before a number and a piece of paper dictated your life. before you had to fit an ideal mold in order for people to like you. do you...
