the ones society stole

19. she deserved to know

"remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better." - The Beatles

When Jacian opened his eyes, all he saw was white. The memories flooded back in mortifying waved and it did not take him long to realize that he was in the hospital.

Again.

How could he let this happen? In the middle of a school day too. The entire student body already thought he was a freak and him having a panic attack probably cemented that fact.

"Oh good," He turned his head to his mother's voice, "You're awake."

"That I am." He croaked and immediately downed the water sitting to his left.

"Do you know what happened?"

"Sort of. I'm pretty sure I had a panic attack."

"The doctor's weren't sure how long you will be unconscious, your BMI is so low." Evelyn's eyes were glassy again, "Honey, I think you should reconsider rehab."

"No. Mom, I already told you. I am not going back," He began to sit up, "Where is dad anyways."

"Your father couldn't make it, he is on a business trip right now."

"Of course." Even though part of him was glad that his father wasn't there to see him his current state, another part of him wanted him there. He needed his father's strength, and he longed for the bond that they once shared. There was once a time where his father looked at him with immense pride, proud of the man he was becoming.

Now, the only thing reflected in those eyes is shame. He thought of his son weak and frail. Unable to withstand the pressures of the outside world.

"There was someone here waiting for you," Evelyn started off slowly, watching his actions as the words tumbled out, "She's a lovely girl. You scared all of us today, but none of us more than her."

Bella.

How could he forget? She was the last person to see him conscious. She was the one who was there when he fell. She rode with him, she waited for him. But, where was she?

"Mom, where is she?"

"Jacian. Honey listen to me," Evelyn began to play with her wedding ring, and her eyes made contact with everything but him, "I told her about your disorder."

"You what?" At first he was shocked. Then the disbelief followed. After that, all he felt was the betrayal. "You had absolutely no right to do that."

"She deserved to know," His mother slowly placed a comforting hand on his back as she sat next to him on the hospital, "That girl really loves you, you know?"

"Did she say it?" Jacian suddenly felt extremely nervous. Bella, his Bella, loved him? Even after the revelation of his eating disorder, of his scars, she still loved him.

"She didn't have to."

"Then how do you know?"

"Now, I have no idea why, but that girl is completely in love with you. She just doesn't know it yet."

"Then where is she?" Jacian asked, if she loved him, she should be here right?

"I'm not sure. After I told her, she stepped outside to get some air. I haven't seen her since." Evelyn was so consumed with being by her son's side, that she didn't even notice Arabella's absence.

"Aw Jacian, you're awake!"

speak of the devil.

His eyes widened when he saw her state. There was an ice pack held to her jaw and she had a black eye. There was a limp to her walk, but she still managed to make it to the bed.

she still smiles.

"What the fuck happened to you?" Jacian asked, slowly trying to get up off the bed.

"Um, sit down. Jesus, you need to recover."

"Coming from the girl who was beaten to a pulp." Jacian snorted, "Mom, do you see this?"

"Why do you have to drag her into this?" Her eyed widened as she realized how disrespectful the words that tumbled out of her mouth were, "I'm sorry Mrs. Smith, I did not mean for it to come out that way."

"Oh, Arabella," Evelyn brushed it off lightly, "Please, call me Evelyn. And, I intruded myself when I told you about Jacian's disorder."

"Right." Arabella did not really know what to say. She couldn't really get to accepting it when Malik was pounding his fists into her.

"I'll give you two some space." Evelyn said to the two, before seeing herself out of the room.

For the first few minutes, it was silent. Arabella just sat down in one of the chair and took his hand in his, never breaking eye contact. Words were something they hated, but it was in this moment, that they never needed anything more.

"So you know." Jacian said softly, careful not to scare her off. He does not know he keeps thinking he will, especially when she has proven time and time again that she was here to stay. He just couldn't help it.

"I do." It was a short and simple answer, but she didn't really know what to say. She had no idea where to start.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I really didn't mean to put you through all of this." His eyes started to water as he apologized. She had enough on her plate and he just was adding to it. It was the last thing he wanted to do. It was the last thing she deserved. "I-I never wanted it to be like this. I was trying you know? I was going to be better. For you. For us."

"Jacian," She shakily said as the tears began to spring her eyes, "you're much to hard on yourself. If we are going to make this work, we need to be a team. I can't have you keeping things to yourself anymore, especially not things this serious. This is your health for fucks sake."

"Bella-," He began to say, but then she interrupted him.

"Don't do that. Why did you hide this from me? Did you not think I can take it? You know, I seriously thought that after that day at the movies things would be different. I thought you wouldn't be so damn guarded. I get it Jacian, I completely understand. But this isn't something you just go through alone-,"

He silenced her by pulling her closer to him and connecting their lips. It was a kiss of urgency, interlaced with fear. He did his best to be gentle, considering she had a bruised jaw, but he just couldn't resist. The heart monitor began beeping loudly and his mother burst into the room, but he did not care. All he cared about was the feeling of her lips on his, it has been too long since he's tasted them, and now, with the L word floating heavily through the air, Jacian felt as if he could die a happy man.

But not really, Arabella would probably find a way to kill him for dying. If that even makes sense.

"I am so sorry I couldn't catch you," She whispered as their lips parted.

little did they know, that her words held a double meaning. 

"I am sorry I fell in the first place." He replied.