the ones society stole

17. up in smoke

"with her sweetened breath, & her heart so mean. she's the angel of small death &  codeine scene." - Hozier 

When Arabella first made the decision to leave Malik's world in order to forget him easier, she clearly has overestimated herself. The mere absence of the drugs only reminded her of the absence of him. She was suddenly reminded of her life without him, and she honestly did not know which was worse. 

It was as if before she met him, her world was painted in the darkest colors of gloom. She remembers solemnly how desperate she was to be loved. They met at a party, and he was instantly captivated by her. Her tear stained eyes and how she was way too drunk to be left alone. All this time, she thought that he catered to her that night because she was helpless, and maybe that was the only reason. It is so much easier to manipulate the weaker ones. 

All you have to do is give them a little bit of hope. 

He asked her why she damaged her liver, when it was so much easier to just take a pill. That was the first night she tried molly. It was well, exhilarating as one would say. In just a couple of minutes, her world of grey exploded into all the wonderful colors of the spectrum. He was just so nice to her that night. He looked at her the way she longed to be looked at, he held her the way she craved to be held. 

It was an experience that she constantly replayed in her mind, and slowly but surely, she began to depend on that happy little pill. 

It wasn't long before she wanted another. 

And then another. 

Before she knew it, she was hooked on them. What she didn't realize, was that she hooked on him too. Almost all of her happy memories were associated with him. Yet, they went away as fast as they came. She was walking a minefield disguised as a relationship, terrified to make one wrong step.

With every happy moment, another tense moment followed. Arguments and disagreements. Hits and bruises. Tears and apologies. 

She was so wrapped up in all things him, that she lost herself in him. 

The constant whirl of her thoughts were cut off abruptly when the bell rung, signaling the end of her class. She plugged in her headphones, trying to cut off the useless noise of the student body with any melodic tune she was in the mood for. 

The walk to english class was long, probably because she made it so. She was the type of person who wanted to listen to as many songs as possible before she has to sit through another soulless lecture of a teacher that didn't give a shit. 

And she got to see Jacian again, so that's a plus. 

She took her usual seat next to him, giving him a smile as she sat down. After the kiss, the lines of their friendship were blurred. Or maybe, they were always blurred from the start, she didn't know. She just couldn't help but wonder what he thought of it, or where their relationship stood now. 

"Look who decided to show up today."

"Oh shut it, I only missed one class period," She rolled her eyes, "What did I miss anyways? Nothing important, I hope."

"Nah, don't worry. It honestly was not important in the slightest," He smirked playfully, "So I've been thinking."

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

Even though Arabella was panicking on the inside, she made sure that her physical features did not change, "You were thinking?" She motioned her hands in a gesture telling him to continue. 

"I don't know why I don't have your number." 

Oh.

"You're right, you don't," Arabella gave him her phone, "Give me phone."

The two exchanged numbers and the cliche teen that she kept chained away in the darkest crevices of her mind could not help but squeal. It was not as if she never gotten a boy's number before, her contact list was flooded with different names of plenty of guys. Somehow, none of them had the same effect of his number in her phone. 

"So what now? Are we going to go on another adventure?" Arabella could not help but ask, she was anxious to know if he still wanted to hang out with her. 

"Oh, but of course." 

"Alright." She smiled at him, and her chest inflated like a helium balloon. 

This was better than molly. 

Looking at her smile, automatically triggered one from him. It was crazy how someone else's happiness could help fuel your own, and for the remainder of the class his mood didn't change. His leg was bouncing up and down, as he waited to relish in the feeling of being in Arabella's company. 

He liked who he was with her. He felt lighter, as if he was able to be his true self. He liked the fact that she wasn't one to judge, and was somehow able to open up about herself as well. She accepted him even at his weakest moments. She knew how far too push without being too overbearing, and gave him space when he needed it. He just wondered if she felt the same way about him. 

But, it was only the beginning. The beginning of what hopefully will be a promising romance. 

The bell rang and he instantly looked at her, heat rising to the tips of ears when he noticed that she was already looking at him. She just gave him a wink before she gathered her things and stuck her hand out. Her dark eyes held that mischievous glint he was so fond of and he took her hand gladly. 

The feeling of their hands intertwined was probably one of the best things in his life, at the given moment in time. It gave him a reason, an incentive to live another day. To not cut so deep. To try to eat. To try to be better. 

Without even realizing it, he was flooded with trying to remember when was the last time he ate. As usual, the guilt followed close behind and the shortness in breath was a reoccurring action. He uneasily looked at Arabella. Her eyebrows were creased in confusion, but concern was displayed clearly in her eyes. 

"Jacian? What's wrong?" Her voice was distant as he tried to get a grip on reality. The walls started to close in and it was getting harder to breathe. His vision was slowly getting blurry as his eyes watered, and soon he began seeing white dots. 

He tried to call out to her, but it was if she was drifting further and further away. He stumbled backwards, his heel tripping over the leg of a chair. His head cracked against the tile as her heard  her scream his name. 

It was the last thing he heard before he drifted off into darkness.