Heart of Ashes

Fitting In

I closed the door gently after watching Rae make their way down the hallway to the elevator doors, my heart heavy with the realization that had struck me not so long ago. I'd always thought they were just teasing me or joking around. Not once had I thought they meant any of the words spoken so casually to me, thinking they treated all of their friends like this. I mean, why would Rae ever look at me like that when they could find someone who didn't have so much baggage? Someone who wasn't so weighed down by the death that surrounded them?

Why me when they could have someone... normal?

I had just finished rinsing off the morning's dishes, trying to keep myself busy, when I heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was Rae returning to see if they had forgotten something, I grabbed the towel I kept hanging next to the sink and headed toward the door, pulling it open without thinking. The sight of the vaguely familiar man in front of me had me almost dropping the towel as I stepped back and shoved the door shut, moments later stammering an apology as I slowly opened the door again to a frowning figure.

"Did Rae tell you where to find me?" I asked, hiding my trembling hands in the towel as I stepped back to let the man inside, confident that Rae wouldn't have introduced me to him if the man wasn't trustworthy.

Rae never had been the kind of person to bring anyone unsafe into my circle of known people. In fact, until they had checked someone out themselves, they didn't even like me meeting up with coworkers or even people who had commissioned me to make their clothing or jewelry. Even Isabella had to pass a test of sorts, not that Rae had let her know she was being tested.

Of course, having passed the test easily, it only meant that she was brought into the small circle of people that Rae became protective of over the following weeks, something that I could easily pick up one day when we were invited over to sample some of her cooking and her ex called. Even now, with most of our correspondence through letters and surprise gifts, I couldn't help feeling glad that she had managed to move on from the jerk she'd once been dating. Hopefully, she would someday find someone worthy of her heart.

"I came to see how the clothing is coming along. Is anything ready for me to see?" The man before me said stiffly, his eyes wandering what he could see of the room behind me.

"Oh! Please, come in! I can show you what I was working on today and if you are up for it, maybe we can check the fit? I mean, if you are okay with that and don't think it would bother you. Umm, even if it's just the shirt, it would help to have a better idea of how it would actually fit on you if you don't mind," I said as I walked into the kitchen to hang the towel back up on the hook I had added to the wall shortly after I'd moved in.

I turned around when I heard the soft click of the door closing, barely holding in the gasp at how close the man was as he stood just inside the archway leading into the kitchen. Placing my hand over my heart, I stepped back for a moment before straightening up and gently turning him by his arms so I could make my way past him, heading into the bedroom to bring out the shirt I had been working on today.

"Here's the shirt Rae helped with today. If you're willing to try it on, I can see if there are more adjustments that need to be made," I said as I came back out, finding the man standing in the middle of the main room as he looked around, his eyes pausing on photos and some of the half-finished crafting projects I had laying around on various surfaces that I worked on when nothing else had my attention.

Turning to look at me, he looked at the fabric hanging from my hands as I held it out by the shoulders, hoping that he approved of the shirt enough to at least try it on so we could discuss from there any adjustments he wanted to have made before it was finalized. And if he didn't like it, then hopefully we could talk freely this time so I could find out what would make him happy as a customer.

Without a word, he grabbed the shirt from my hands, careful not to make skin contact before he headed into the bedroom and shut the door behind him. A few minutes later, he made his way back out again with the shirt on, moving carefully so that he didn't pull out the temporary stitches I had put in earlier. Looking down, he ran a finger along the fabric before glancing back up at me.

"The fabric is nice but it doesn't fit right. The shoulders and waist are off," he said quietly, his eyes staring into mine as he ran his hands along the sleaves, testing the fit of the cuffs before moving his focus to the collar. "This area is a little looser than I prefer, as well. Azrael never could stand to have anything close to their neck, even if it meant not wearing work attire appropriately."

"Oh. They prefer being called Rae, though. But yes, Rae always did have a preference for looser collars. I can adjust that, as well as the other areas if you don't mind being fitted while you are here. I'll try to finish as quickly as I can and if you need a break, just say so," I said as I wandered over to grab some extra sewing pins I had sitting on a shelf in the corner. "My name's (y/n), by the way. I figure if you know where I live, you might as well know what to call me. I still can't believe Rae was being so paranoid about everything, but they've always been rather protective of me."

I paused for a moment, my mind wandering back to earlier. That had likely been a part of the reason they had felt that way, now that I thought of it.

"I'm Ashe," came his quiet words, his eyes staring into mine as he stood there patiently. "It's a pleasure to meet you. You... remind me of someone I used to know."

"Hopefully someone good," I said with a small smile curving one corner of my lips as I opened the box of pins, placing a few in-between my lips as I moved up to start fixing the fit of the shirt he wore.

"Yes. Someone very good. It has been a long time since I met someone who felt so... warm. Who made me feel so warm. It is an... unusual feeling, but perhaps not so unwelcome as I had once thought," he said, his eyes sliding to look around the room once more as I began placing pins.

"Nobody should have to go through life without the feeling of warmth," I mumbled around the pins pressed between my lips, pausing as I looked up at him.

What kind of life had this man lived that he felt human warmth to have been an unwelcome thing? What had been done to him? As similar questions ran through my head, I almost missed the smallest curve of his lips before it vanished, his eyes returning to my own for a moment before flickering to a painting hanging on the wall behind me.

"You like the stars?" He asked softly, looking at the starscape a friend had painted me years ago before they'd moved away.

"I do. They remind me that even if my own life is fleeting, there is something beautiful that will last long after I'm gone from this world."