Heart of Ashes

Bittersweet

He froze in place when she moved in front of him to measure his chest, her movements strictly business-like as he felt Azrael's eyes boring into him from behind, but it did nothing to stop the soothing warmth that pooled within his chest. When she stepped back, it was all he could do not to follow and feel more of the almost familiar sensation he had almost forgotten could exist within him.

It was almost like the first time he'd seen little Addaya sitting with her mother as they worked to create something for her father Kohmus to wear. Except there was no sight involved here, no visual cue to connect with what he was feeling, causing the feeling to be that much more potent.

A warmth that normally would have simply been unusual for him to feel, instead became overwhelming to Ashe as he stood there, trying not to show any signs of the internal conflict he was feeling. He gave Rae no clue of the memories washing over him like waves, images of people and places he had not seen in several thousand years now released from the darkest corners of his mind. And with them, the feelings of pain their loss had brought him. Feelings he did not want to experience again.

"Enough," he spoke firmly, the temperature in the room dropping as a nearby glass suddenly frosted over, Azrael taking a quick step back as they noticed the changes.

They must have pulled the female with them, the warmth she gave off diminishing with the increased distance. Ashe couldn't help the feeling of relief as the memories began to fade, doing his best to shove them back into the corner of his mind to be dealt with later. Or never. Preferably never, as he did not want to remember the ache as each of those people  had passed on, leaving him behind.

"Do what you can with the measurements you have gathered. We can finish the measurements at a later date," he continued when nothing but silence had filled the room.

"Did I do something wrong?" He heard the female speak softly from several feet away, hearing her shift in place before taking a step closer to him. "I didn't mean to upset you. If you tell me what I did-"

"It was not what you did," he interrupted her, taking a step back to maintain the distance between them, stopping when his shadows warned him of an object he was about to stumble over if he did not stop moving. "I am simply unused to so much physical contact with people. It is... too much right now and I wish to continue at another time, after I have had a chance to collect myself."

He could only hope that the excuse he gave was close enough to the truth for Azrael to let it pass, at least until they were alone with him and save himself from trying to explain it in front of a human.

"Oh! Rae, why didn't you tell me your friend doesn't like or isn't used to physical contact?! I'm so sorry, sir! If I had known, I would have broken the measurements into sessions and given you breaks between areas so you could regain your calm before starting again. I'll do my best to make sure that next time we take things slowly and you don't feel so overwhelmed," he'd been almost shocked at how she went from sounding shocked to maintaining a calm and almost soothing tone the moment she'd started talking to him instead of Azrael.

The idea that she could have done the measurements in sessions instead of all at once had never occured to Ashe, nor had the thought that he might need to do such a thing. Of course, why would it when he hadn't felt anything but cold around humans since the last one he cared about had died and he'd refused to allow himself to become attached like that again.

Especially after having witnessed one of the decendants prove to be so unlike Kohmus, lacking the honor and loyalty that the Pharaoh had held like it was an integral part of himself. And to him, it likely had been. Even his sons and daughters had carried those elements like they were born with them, remaining faithful to family and friends from first breath to last. But eventually, there was bound to be someone born to the line who would prove that they were still just human and prone to human faults. No matter how much Ashe had hoped that Kohmus' line would prove otherwise.