Heart of Ashes

Lonely Or Alone

Peering closely at the images I'd printed out, I glanced down at the bits of gold and copper wire laid out on the table, poking at the two pieces of jade before looking back at the prints.

"Oh, gods, where the heck do I even start? Why did I think I could do this? Why did I tell Rae I could do this? What if they expect me to actually make this work and I mess it up?" I muttered to myself softly as I dropped the papers on the table, dropping my head into my hands as I tried to ignore how quiet the room was.

Sliding out of the chair, I walked over to the secondhand CD player and stabbed my finger at the power button. I felt my shoulders start to relax as the music began slowly filling the room, a vaguely familiar song playing as I took a slow breath, feeling the tension leave my body. I just needed a little time to relax and just... well, figure out what I was going to do, I guess. I mean, nothing would get done if all I did was allow myself to stress and freak out about this. No, it was best to calm down and try again once I was relaxed and able to think freely again.

"The gold would match the chains already on the skirt, but the copper looks so pretty next to the jade... Maybe I could-" I began talking to myself, trying to work out what was in my head until a knock on the door was heard over the music. "Oh! Coming! I'll be right there!"

Turning the music off, I walked quickly to the door and peered through the peep-hole, remembering how upset Rae had gotten when I told them I hadn't checked last time before opening the door. With a shocked but happy look on my face, I unlocked the door and stepped back as I pulled it open.

"Ashe! I wasn't expecting to see you again after how upset Rae got! You really shouldn't have gone behind their back like that, you know. I mean, you could have just asked to see me again and let me know you wanted to see what I had. How did you even find out where I lived, if you didn't ask Rae? Are you some kind of private investigator or something?" I rambled as I gestured for the man to come inside, ignoring how he raised a single eyebrow at my barrage of comments and questions.

I'm not sure why but this man had me feeling like I had known him for years already rather than the couple of hours we'd spent together between the two times we had seen each other. I guess it helped that he was already Rae's friend and past boss since that allowed me a sense of trust that I wouldn't usually have with a total stranger. Spinning around once the door was closed and once more locked, I wandered into the small kitchen and pulled open the cupboard.

"Tea? I would offer coffee but I ran out this yesterday and haven't had the chance to restock yet. You look like the type to drink something plain with nothing added. But I'll bet you're more of the kind to add a spoonful of honey to a cup of tea when nobody is looking!" I said in a joking manner, grabbing the Earl Grey and honey for myself before looking over and seeing him standing there with that eyebrow still up as if in challenge. "What? Seriously, I'm right? Huh, okay then. Two cups of Earl Grey with honey it is."

"I heard that my appearance the other day caused issues with something you were working on for Azrael. Ah, I mean Rae," he caught himself the moment he saw my lips turning down as my mouth opened to correct him. "Sorry, I knew them as Azrael long before they started calling themselves Rae. I shall attempt to adjust since it seems to matter so much to you."

"You should adjust because it matters to Rae, not because it matters to me. After all, Rae is your friend. I'm just someone making the clothes you asked for," I sighed as I turned on the stove, having filled the kettle with fresh water. "If you really care about someone, you should listen to what matters to them."

He stood there quietly, his head slowly tilting to the side as his eyes lost focus for a moment before he blinked and gave the tiniest of smiles, almost vanishing as quickly as it appeared. If I hadn't been watching him as I waited for the water to reach a boil, I would surely have missed it entirely.

"Ahh, I understand. I shall do my best to listen and learn what matters. After all, I wouldn't want to cause pain to... those I care about. Life brings about enough pain, yes?" He spoke softly, his voice calm.

"It does. That is why people should be kind to those they care about. You never know when death is going to come to steal them away from you and all you have left are regrets for everything you lost the chance to say or do with those now beyond your reach. Death isn't a cruel thing, simply an end," I said as I heard the kettle just beginning to whistle, reaching out to turn the stove off and move the kettle off the heat. "Besides, I'm sure even Death himself would get tired of waiting for us to figure out how we feel about someone. Humans waste enough time figuring out how we feel about ourselves, let alone the back and forth that happens by bringing someone else into the picture. I doubt he has that much time to spare for anyone, even if he has forever."

"Oh, he might be willing to spare the time if he found someone interesting enough. After all, forever can be lonely if spent by yourself. Even if you are Death," he said in a quiet voice, his eyes closing for a moment before he looked at me.

"Being alone doesn't always mean you are lonely, and being lonely doesn't always mean you are alone. I've been at my loneliest when I was surrounded by people. You just need to find the right people to help remind you that you aren't alone anymore. Or rather, Death does, right?" I gave him a knowing wink, stirring the honey into the mug of tea before passing the hot mug over to the man, a smile growing on my face.

"Who would want to befriend Death?" He sighed as he took the mug from my hands, his fingers curling around the warm surface as he stared into the dark liquid as if it held all the answers to life's questions.

"You know, I've been told I'm pretty good at that whole friendship thing."