Heart of Ashes

Regretful

"Thank you again for doing this, Rae. It means a lot to me that you are always so willing to help me out, especially with a project like this one. I mean, if I get this done to his specifications, this will let me stay here until I can find a real job again," I said as I added another pin to the waist of the shirt.

"Anything for a friend, sweetie. You know you only need to ask," they said with a faint smile on their lips.

I paused for a moment, looking closely at them. They had been acting strange ever since they had arrived, giving a feeling of being subdued and almost timid, which was completely unlike the Rae that I knew. That faint smile just proved it.

"Okay, I think it's time for a break, Rae. Come on, off with the shirt," I said as I carefully started unbuttoning the front so it could be removed.

"Oh, I didn't know you felt that way (y/n)," they said with a small chuckle that cut off far too quickly for me to react the way I usually would have.

Looking up into eyes that had always interested me with their black and amber streaks, I frowned as they finally finished removing the shirt, moving to carefully hang it on the dress-form in the corner of the room before turning back to my dear friend. I took a deep breath to help steady myself before tilting my head at Rae as they pulled their own bright yellow t-shirt on, their movement far more lethargic than I was used to seeing from them.

"Rae? What's wrong? Did something happen since I saw you the other day?" Seeing them avoid looking at me as they shrugged, I felt my stomach drop and my insides grow cold. "Rae, did I do something that upset you? Did I hurt you?"

"What? No, (y/n), you didn't do anything. I did it to myself. I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with it. Don't worry, sweetie, I'll figure it out somehow. It's just gonna take a bit of time, okay?" They gave a smile that was more of a grimace than anything else, my heart aching as I watched them struggle to act like they usually did and fail.

Somehow, in some way, this was my fault. I just knew it was. After all, Rae was never like this before. I must have said something or done something. Was it how quickly I had dismissed the fabric they had liked the other day? Had they really had their heart set on it and brushing it off so quickly had made them feel like I hadn't cared? Or was it something else I had said or done? Had it been my reaction when the cashier had... collapsed?

Rae had seen me react to such happenings before, but maybe this time it had finally made them realize how messed up my views were... How normal the idea of death had become to me over the years. Maybe they had gotten tired of how death always seemed to follow me around, just like almost everyone else had.

Shaking my head to try and banish those thoughts, I forced a smile on my face and reached out toward Rae's hand, only to stop short and let my fingers hang there just a few inches from their own.

"Want to see the skirt I started for you? I'm using that green cloth we found in the antique store and I think you'll like how it's going to look," I said in a soft whisper, my throat feeling tight as I began to let my hand drop slowly back to my side.

The sudden warmth as slender fingers wrapped around mind had me opening the eyes I had closed, looking up to see Rae staring quietly at me before pulling me into a hug.

"Hush, little one. Don't cry like that, you know I have no idea how to deal with it when you cry. I'm not going anywhere. How would I keep my closets full if not for you? Do you think I could go back to buying my skirts and dresses and suits in a store after having you to make them all these years? As if there is a store out there that could make a skirt look as good on me as you do! Now get whatever silly thoughts you are having out of your head! You have a skirt to show me!" They rubbed their hand up and down my back a few times before pulling back to look down on me, maybe not with their usual smile, but it was more real than what they'd been showing earlier. "If all you will ever be is just a friend to me... it is far better than not having you in my life at all."

"Oh, Rae. I didn't... I'm sorry," I whispered, things finally coming into focus as I wiped the lone tear that traced down their face.

~~~~~~~~

"I'm sorry it took me this long to visit. I left you waiting and you didn't deserve to be alone for so long. Kohmus... I don't deserve the warmth you gave me, me who always hated the thought of losing you and your warmth, yet when you lay here so close to slipping over the thin line between death and sleep, I couldn't stand to remain at your side. I am unworthy of you as a son, but I shall forever be grateful that I was able to have you as such in my existence. Thank you, Kohmus," he spoke softly as he moved to stand beside the sarcophagus that sat in the back of the museum's basement rooms.

He remained, talking of the things that he'd bothered to take note of during the passing centuries before moving on to speak of what had been happening more recently... of the potential appearance of one of Kohmus' own descendants in Ashe's life, the shadows reacting to the person's emotional turmoil. Of the warmth that he both dreaded and yearned for in almost equal measure at this point.

And then he spoke aloud as he wondered if someone who could accept Azrael, who was once the Angel of Death who had helped bring about the end of entire civilizations, could somehow be able to accept someone who was the very embodiment of Death. Although, the question he dared not even ask above the faintest whisper of sound was if such a person would accept him, regardless of if they could or not.

Looking down at the ever silent coffin that held the first person who had ever accepted him, Ashe placed his hand gently upon the cool surface, the faintest hint of warmth tickling at the edges of his perception.

"Soon, Kohmus. She will be ready soon and then you can have your heart back beside you. This year, maybe the next, but what is time to those who have waited so long to see someone again? You need to start waking up before then. She'll be waiting for you and you wouldn't want to be late, would you? No, not after waiting so long for her to return," he spoke one last time, fingers trailing over the carved image of one who most had forgotten.

Placing the small bundle of irises that he'd brought with him across where the body's arms would be if the sarcophagus was open, he turned and vanished, the sweet scent of the flowers slowly filling the room.