~ Love Lives On ~ TRoS Alternate Ending

Chapter Five: Bad Dreams

She slammed the door to their home as she left, her words still ringing in his ears.

"Don't you get it? Can't you understand that what I want is for you to be honest? I feel so alone. I just wish you would let me in a little bit, into your past. It's like I don't know anything about you! Like you never struggled, never felt this horrible tug-of-war inside you. But I guess it's pointless to ask you for help. You wouldn't know what to do anyways. Too bad I don't have a soulmate to come and save me from myself."

The last sentence echoed in Ben's mind as he bolted up in bed, gasping. His daughter wasn't even born, and yet for the past five months, ever since finding out Rey was pregnant with twins, his children haunted him. Doubts filled his mind.

He didn't know how to be a father.

He had no clue what to say or do to show his children that he had loved them from the moment he felt their heartbeats, sensed their lives within Rey.

Would they feel pulled to one side of the force or the other, or would their lives be free of the conflicts that he and Rey had faced?

Would he really cut himself off from them, make them feel alone by hiding his past?

"What's wrong?" Rey mumbled, turning over in bed to face Ben, who was still breathing hard.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "Bad dream."

Reaching up and grabbing Ben's bare shoulder Rey gently pulled him back down beside her. He lay there on his back, trying to regain control, taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly. Rey gently turned his face toward hers.

Ben shifted in the bed so that he was laying on his side towards her. In the dim lighting, he took in her messy brown hair, her soft cheeks, fuller now with the weight she had gained from her pregnancy. His eyes drifted over her body, her gentle curves now accented by a very large, very round belly.

With quite a bit of effort, Rey rolled over and tucked herself into Ben's arms, snuggling close to him. He wrapped his arms around her, his hand resting on her swollen abdomen. He listened as her breathing slowed and she drifted back to sleep. His thoughts began to run wild again, doubts pouring into his mind.

Lost in thought, he wasn't aware at first of one of the babies moving inside Rey. A strong kick from one of them jerked him back to reality. He looked over at Rey, surprised she hadn't woken up. She must be exhausted.

These last few months had been so hard for her. Carrying one baby would have proven a challenge enough with her small frame, but two was really beginning to take its toll. Ben thought it was a bit comical that the woman who had defeated the infamous Emperor Palpatine was being bested by the two small children inside her womb. Not that she minded. Every time she felt one of them kick or move, her face lit up with joy and excitement.

"Hi there little ones," Ben whispered, raising his hand as one of the babies kicked again. He felt a bit weird talking to them, but Rey had convinced him early on that letting the babies hear their parent's voices was important. He didn't know if he really believed her or not, but he knew it couldn't hurt anything, and if he was being honest, he had started to enjoy talking to them and listening as Rey would sing to them.

"You two better calm down before you wake your mom up," he said, a smile on his face. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost 4:30 in the morning. Knowing he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, he sighed and pushed himself up in bed, swinging his legs over the edge as quietly as he could. Before he got up, he turned and put his hand on Rey's belly once more. "I love you two so much already," he whispered to them. "But I'm so afraid I can't be the Dad that you need. I'm so scared. I feel so inadequate and I just..." he trailed off, shaking his head wearily. He felt so stupid pouring his anxieties out like this - and to two unborn babies no less.

Suddenly, Ben felt something pushing against his hand. It was similar to what it felt like when one of the babies kicked, but this was steadier. Raising his hand off of Rey's belly, he saw the outline of a smaller hand, pushing out from the inside underneath where his had been. His heart melted. It was as if they were telling him to calm down, that things would be okay. Ben gently lay his down over his child's again, a strange sense of peace filling him.

Ben decided he would try to go back to sleep one more time. Laying back down, he tried to get comfortable without disturbing Rey.

Focusing on her steady breathing, Ben drifted off to sleep, and for the first time in almost five months, he didn't have nightmares.  

A/N: I had some hardcore writer's block with this chapter, but I hope you still enjoyed it. I'm planning on writing a few more chapters before I wrap up the story, so stay tuned, and as always I'd love to hear feedback!