The Arrangement

10

Vile. Void. Vacant.

Those three words haunted Taehyung more so than usual tonight, playing over and over like a song stuck on repeat.

It wasn't as if he'd forgotten the meaning of those words. No, those words stuck with him every day. But today, he was unable to escape them. He was unable to drown them out.

Seeing Jungkook six years after he had spoken those words to Taehyung was yet another catalyst for painful memories.

Jungkook had said Taehyung's love for him was wrong, it was vile. That he didn't contain anything worth loving, that he was void and vacant on the inside.

Taehyung used to hear that all the time from his parents. He had heard it so much it became a daily mantra. But hearing those words come out of Jungkook's mouth, the one person who used to work so hard to convince him otherwise . . .

It destroyed him.

It created V.

Jungkook created V.

After Taehyung left home, he tried so hard to prove his parents and Jungkook wrong. He did everything he could to show himself he was capable of loving and being loved back. He wasn't worthless or a waste of space. He was full of life and love and potential.

But he had been so emotionally exhausted from years of buffering himself against his hateful family. He was so tired from years of acting strong in their presence, only to crumble behind closed doors. In the end, Taehyung had lacked the energy needed to prove them all wrong.

It was easier to become exactly what they expected of him, so he became V.

Vile and void and vacant.

It was easier to be vile and let people think he was beyond reproach. It was easier to be void of emotion, vacant of feelings.

Being those things helped him protect himself from the risk of pain and heartbreak. If no one expected more of him - better of him - he'd have no one to disappoint when he lacked the will to try harder.

It was a shitty way to live and he knew it. But he was terrified. Terrified of taking off the mask, of bringing Taehyung back to life.

If no one knew Taehyung, no one could destroy him again. So he did the cowardly thing and kept the real him locked away instead.

With all that emotional baggage weighing him down, he questioned himself yet again why the hell he chose Jungkook. After the younger hurt him so badly, betrayed his trust, how could he willingly bring him back into his life? His home?

Was this all for revenge? Did he want to just break Jungkook as the younger had broken him?

No.

Not at all.

He knew the answer. He hated himself for it, but he knew why he was doing this to himself.

He never stopped loving Jungkook.

Regardless of what happened six years past, Taehyung would always love Jungkook. His system was wired that way. It was in his DNA.

A part of his heart would always belong to him, even though Taehyung didn't know the person Jungkook was today. Even though he didn't know the man he had become.

But . . . he held out a tiny sliver of hope that the boy he once knew - the one that existed before breaking his heart - was still there. The one who helped Taehyung find the joy in life. The one who was there for him throughout all of his childhood suffering.

The one who dreamt of a brighter and happier future with him.

With that thought, Taehyung let his thoughts turn forward, something they rarely did. And he found himself dreaming that tomorrow would be a brighter and happier day.