When I say what I'm about to say now to my friends, I always say it jokingly and with a lot of sarcasm, because I don't want to pity myself. And the last people I would tell this to is my family, but the thing is that I'm actually done. I can't do this anymore. I want to live but I don't want to live now. I'm being way too vulnerable right now but I know that this is anonymous and nobody that I know will read this, so probably I can say it here:
I can't do this anymore. I smile and I laugh and I joke and I complain and I'm angry and sad and I cry, but deep deep down, at the ground, I'm so empty. I can't see people anymore. I can't be alone with myself. I'm so scared. I'm so empty. And I don't know how to continue pretending that I have still energy left. Because I haven't.
The reason I would Never EVER tell this to somebody I know is because I know everyone would be like „you're just being overdramatic."
I don't care anymore.
