In elk universum - A Robbe And Sander Love Story - WTFock

8 November, Friday 16:12

*TW!!! Homophobic and suicidal content that I wish I didn't have to write, but unfortunately must*

I wait outside Robbe's apartment building and stare at the door, waiting for him to come out or go in. I see his orange jacket and quickly grab everything. I run to catch up with him and smile all the way. Seeing him makes me so happy, I am just smitten with him.

"Robbe! Robbe!" I call out but I notice he has his headphones on, so he can't hear me.

"Robbe," I grab his shoulder to turn him around.

"Hey," I say and I'm delighted to see him, but he only looks confused.

"Why did you block me?" I ask while still smiling. I've convinced myself that it's only a prank or an accident.

"Leave me alone. Ok?" he says. I'm a little confused, but maybe he is still joking with me.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"No, really. I mean it. Leave me alone," he says sternly. My smile falters and my brows furrow in confusion.

"Robbe, I don't get it. Yesterday was..." I try to explain how magical the kiss was, but he interrupts me.

"Don't act like you don't know what you did," he says accusingly.

"What?" I ask surprised. What did I do wrong?

"You got me drunk. And you used me." he accuses me. How did I use him?

"Used?" I ask. What is he talking about?

"Yes, used, yes," he repeats.

My face is in a full-on frown and I'm waiting for someone to scream "pranked" because this does not feel real.

"What do you mean? I didn't..." I explain myself and walk closer.

"Really. I told you to stay away from me. Ok?" Robbe pushes me away and is becoming hostile.

"Come on, Robbe," I say softly and walk closer to him again. I just want him to stop with this nonsense and just kiss me already.

"Stay away from me, dirty Janet*!" he yells and shoves me harder this time.

I take a step back and stare at him in shock, not knowing what to say or do. He turns around and walks away, but I'm still standing in the same spot. I suddenly become nauseous and feel a tear creeping down my cheek.

I slowly turn around as I realised he's not coming back and walk over to my bicycle. The tears are pooling in my eyes and I stifle my sobs. I can't ride like this and walk back with my bicycle in hand, while crying.

I see the river and go sit on the edge of the railing, looking down into the water. I open my sketchbook and take out the portrait I made of Robbe. I rip it in half and throw it into the water and watch his face sink deeper and deeper. I shake while my salty tears stain my cheeks and I want to jump after the portrait. I don't understand why he did that, I thought there was something between us. Apparently the feeling wasn't mutual... Then why did he kiss me back? Why did he flirt with me? Have I been reading the signals all wrong?

I slowly get up as drowning isn't the answer. I walk the streets of Antwerp, not sure where to go, but my feet are taking me to Britt's door. I ring the doorbell and lower my face to hide the tears.

"Sander? What are you doing here?" she asks. I drop the bicycle and feel faint.

Before I can answer her I stumble into her arms and cry uncontrollably. She strokes my hair and hugs me tightly.

"Want to tell me what's wrong?" she asks softly. I shake my head no.

She takes my hand and leads me to her room and puts me on her bed.

"I'll make you some hot chocolate and then we can watch a movie? Something like a comedy?" she asks.

I don't answer her and stare blankly out the window. I don't know why I'm here and I wish I was with my mum instead. She stares at me sadly and I can see she doesn't know what to do either. She walks out and 5 minutes later she is back with a steaming mug of hot chocolate.

"I called your mother. She said she will be here in 15 minutes," she says softly while stroking my back. I give a small nod to show that I understand.

I start crying again and I want to tell her why I'm feeling like this, but I can't. I just can't. 15 minutes later my mother walks into her bedroom and wipes my tears away.

"Let's go home and I'll make an appointment with your therapist for tomorrow," my mum says.

I know Britt and my mother are worried that I'm having an episode, but I can't tell them that this time I'm not. I'm just heartbroken and feel so empty.

I'm crying in the car on the way home and can barely make it to my room. What did I do wrong? Why does he not want me like I want him?

*I used Janet instead of f*****, because it pains me to use that word. This was really difficult to write and if I could I would only write about the good parts, but life doesn't work like that*