A White Room

Chapter 9

Chris stood, shocked at the realization of his own feelings. Still with an hour until he would see Chandler, Chris slowly sat down and tried to let his realization set in. "I love Chandler," Chris quietly mumbled aloud to himself. He couldn't quite believe it, but he also knew it was true. He just somehow knew that he did indeed love Chandler. Liking guys wasn't new to Chris, he had been in relationships, well more accurately flings, with people of all genders. He didn't view gender as something that mattered when loving someone. Some people would say that makes him pansexual, but Chris just preferred to call himself not straight. 

Chris was well aware that Chandler finding out about his attraction might not go so well, so Chris made the choice to hide his feelings until he knew if it would be safe to tell Chandler. Chris sat there wondering how long this attraction has actually lasted, but his pondering was cut short by an alarm on his phone going off. It was 11:45, he needed to start walking now so he could be  at the facility five minutes before Chandler was released. Chris grabbed his phone, wallet, and house keys and then set out to the facility. 

When he got there Jimmy was already waiting outside. Jimmy smiled as he looked up from his phone at Chris, "For a moment I thought you weren't going to show in time."

"Yeah right," Chris chuckled, "Like I would miss getting to see Chandler. Ever."

"Fair enough," Jimmy said before sighing softly.

"What is it Jimmy?"

"I'm worried he'll do something dumb again," Jimmy said. Chris glared at Jimmy for even suggesting that Chandler could do something dumb. "Chris chill. I mean, Chandler does plenty of dumb things. But I more so meant, I'm worried he'll quit his meds again. Last time he did it got so bad... I had no other choice but to put him here."

"He mentioned you're the one who put him in here," Chris said. 

"Yeah, I won't lie Chris, I put him in here. I made him sign the documents to admit himself. I felt like there was no other choice at the time. I was 19 and dumb honestly. I felt like this would be what would help him best, I didn't realize he would get isolated. I should've expected it though, his natural choice to defend himself is aggression," Jimmy explained, and Chris listened. He could see where Jimmy was coming from, Chris did know that Chandler nearly hurt someone due to his disorders and that was the only reason Jimmy forced what he did. 

"It's in the past I suppose. He forgives you, and I didn't know you at the time so I don't get much of a say in what you did," Chris said softly.

"What would you have done?" Jimmy asked softly, looking up at the 3rd floor of the facility, the floor Chandler has been on for 2 years. Chris then understood Jimmy more. Chris realized that sure, Jimmy ran a company of sorts, but that company was mostly him and his friends messing around and being the people in their twenties all of them were, even Chris was. 

"I'm not sure myself. Maybe tried to get him help as soon as I noticed the issue. Some say that the sooner you notice mental issues, the easier they are to help," Chris said, but there was an unspoken question at the end, How old was Chandler when he started to get help?

"Maybe, now when I look back I can realize that Chandler showed symptoms as young as 4. But I was only 4 myself then, I didn't understand, his parents didn't either. It took them until we were 14 to diagnose him with schizophrenia. Before that they rambled off so many different things, ranging from depression and specified anxiety disorder, to bipolar disorder," Jimmy said, Chris could hear the regret in his voice. 

"Jimmy, there's a lot that could've been and maybe should've happened. But we can't change the past, just change the future. He is still your friend, still the same guy he has always been I'm sure," Chris said, "Just make sure you show how much you care about him. And don't regret what you didn't do and don't make him feel flawed for it. That would be more than enough for him, I'm sure."

"You're probably right Chris," Jimmy said. Noon struck, and Chandler walked out of the facility. He was wearing the clothes he had on when he went in, a long sleeve shirt that was Jimmy's merch, a white hat, and baggy grey sweatpants. Chris and Jimmy both rushed up to the steps to see him. 

Chandler had the widest smile in the world, "Hey guys."

"First thoughts about being outside again?" Jimmy asked Chandler.

"It's fucking bright dude," Chandler said. 

Chris handed Chandler some sunglasses, "Being locked in a poorly lit room will definitely mess with your eyes." Chandler put on the sunglasses and smiled.

"So, we have some fun stuff planned to do, just because you haven't gotten to do anything in awhile," Jimmy said, smiling. 

"Alright," Chandler agreed, excited to just be able to hang out with Jimmy and Chris as a person and not just a patient. 

"You're stuck with us for a little while Chandler, sorry," Chris joked, "they gave you your stuff back right?"

"Yea, phone, wallet, keys, and a half empty pack of gum," Chandler said. Jimmy laughed some at that. "Yeah go ahead and laugh. My phone is dead, but I'm sure once it's charged I'll have a million notifications."

"A thousand of them will be from Tareq I'm sure, I didn't tell anyone at first, I didn't want people blowing it out of proportion and everything, so Tareq texted you a lot wondering where you were since you weren't coming to work and everything. He knows now though," Jimmy said. Chandler smiled, glad to know that he wasn't immediately forgotten once being shut up in the facility.

"Let's get going," Chris said, gently shoving Jimmy's shoulder and tugging on Chandler's arm, "We have all day for you guys to talk." 

"Busy body," Jimmy remarked, rolling his eyes but walking. 

"I'm guessing you're driving," Chandler said to Jimmy, Jimmy nodded. 

"Not like I am," Chris said, "Kinda hard to drive when you don't own a car."

"You don't have a car, Chris?" Jimmy said, shocked.

"Nope. I work about 10 minutes from here and my house is 10 minutes in the other direction. No need for a car."

"Fair point," Chandler said, smiling. He pushed up the sleeves on his shirt, not caring about the scars there because the warm spring sun felt nice on his skin. 

"I just realized that I might've just lost my best friend to the sun itself," Jimmy joked when he saw Chandler's happy expression. 

"Tempting," Chandler said, "but not yet. I'll probably be outside a lot though."

"Oh you're going to end up tan again and make me look even paler, shit," Jimmy said. 

"He is going to tan?" Chris said, looking down at his own pale hands, "Jimmy you might end up pale, but I'll be a ghost."

All three laughed and climbed into the car, Chandler and Chris fought over who should sit up front, and as a compromise, both sat in back while Jimmy drove.