A White Room

Chapter 6

Continuation of Flashback

*****

Chandler and Jimmy were sitting in Chandler's room, playing some Super Smash Bros. It was Chandler's favorite game because he could always beat Jimmy at it. 

"How are you so good at Smash?" Jimmy shouted when he lost yet another round.

Chandler laughed, "It's like the only game I play. And Zach will play with me." Admittedly, Chandler was super spacey, and he could tell that the spaciness was turning into hallucinating. He didn't say anything though, he didn't want Jimmy to be worrying about him while they were just having fun. 

"You're still okay right Chan?" Jimmy asked, leaning to look his friend in the eyes. Chandler was staring back at Jimmy, starting to be able to hear doors slamming and mumbled voices. Both were common hallucinations for him.

"I'm fine Jimmy," Chandler lied, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. 

"Chandler, you're health is more important than a game. I can tell you're lying to me. You're rubbing your neck like you always do when you lie."

"I don't fucking do that!" Chandler snapped at Jimmy. Jimmy jumped some in surprise, Chandler shouted a lot sure, but snapping at someone was something new. 

"Chandler, are you sure you're okay?" Jimmy hesitantly said. 

"Do you not trust me or something?"

"Of course I trust you Chan." 

Chandler's hallucinations got worse as his aggression and panic did, he was now seeing shadowy figures moving around him. "Get away from me!" Chandler shouted. 

"Chandler. Calm down. You're freaking out for no reason," Jimmy said. Seeing Chandler hallucinate wasn't new to Jimmy, but seeing Chandler freak out was. Jimmy wasn't even sure if he could consider the boy next to him Chandler at the moment. 

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Chandler yelled at Jimmy. Jimmy went to throw a punch at Chandler in his own defense when Zach came running in. Zach got between Jimmy and Chandler quickly. 

"Jimmy back up. Now," Zach ordered. Jimmy listened immediately. "Chan, it's okay. Close your eyes. It's okay." Chandler squeezed his eyes shut tightly, his hands coming up to cover his ears. Of course that didn't stop the auditory hallucinations, but Chandler did it regardless. 

"Shut up, Shut up, Shut up!" Chandler yelled, hearing chanting voices echoing in his ears. 

"Chandler, there's nothing here. Just breath through it. It's going to pass. It's gonna go away. You just got to breath through it, and trust me. Just like always right?" Zach said, gently resting his hands on Chandler's shoulders. 

"Just like always," Chandler breathed out, eyes still shut tight. 

No one moved for a minute, two minutes. Five minutes. The only noise was Zach's comforting words for Chandler, Chandler's harsh breathing, and the music from Super Smash in the background. Jimmy didn't move a muscle, watching his best friend's panic slowly subside. After 10 minutes, or so, Chandler's breathing slowly evened out and he slowly opened his eyes. He didn't say anything at first. 

"Feeling better?" Zach asked.

"Tired," Chandler said, his eyes moved to meet Jimmy's, "Sorry Jimmy. Didn't mean to freak out on you like that."

"Don't say sorry Chandler. You can't help it. I just wish you warned me sooner."

"I didn't want to ruin everything by making you worry. Looks like I ruined everything anyways," Chandler said, he silently finished the sentence, 'I always do'

*****

Chandler sighed and stood up, there was no way he could sleep now. Not after remembering that terrible day. It was the first day Jimmy saw Chandler have a full break down, and ever since that day Jimmy never looked and Chandler the same. Chandler noticed it even when Jimmy didn't. Jimmy always looked at Chandler like he was fragile, or young, or unable to help himself. Chandler hated that look. It was a look of pity, and he felt like pity was a wasted emotion. 

He began to pace around his white, padded cell. Chandler hated it. The first day it was interesting, the second day it was comfy, but then it became boring. Chandler had decided that if he ever got out of here, he would never wear white. If he got out, and that was a big If. He knew it was unlike he would ever get out of the facility. To leave he would have to agree to weekly therapy sessions and more medications than he needs. Then there's the thought of, What if he leaves? Would he ever see Chris again? 

Yet, at the same time, Chris was motivation to leave. If Chandler got out, him and Chris could hang out more often. They could go do things like normal friends. Chandler could also do videos with Jimmy again if he got out. He absolutely loved the videos. But what would the fans think? Has Jimmy told them that Chandler's in a mental asylum, or did Jimmy just say Chandler was on vacation? The sensible part of Chandler said Jimmy likely used the vacation excuse. Chandler made a mental note to ask Jimmy if he had said anything about it next time Jimmy visits.

Both sides had some decent reasoning, but leaving just seemed slightly more appealing. But then Chandler realized, he wouldn't have a place to stay after getting out. It's unlikely his parents would let him move back in, and Chandler's old apartment has probably been emptied out and sold. Unless Jimmy kept paying the rent for him. Leaving seemed like so much work, but also seemed so appealing. Making videos, seeing Chris, breathing fresh air, and seeing the sun all seemed appealing to Chandler. He moved back to the corner and sat down, continuing to debate the whole thing in his head. Slowly, he grew tired. Chandler let out a yawn and curled up some.  

'Maybe I should put the effort in so I can get out,' Chandler thought before drifting into a peaceful sleep.