A White Room

Chapter 17

Best Friend (Jimmy)

Chandler I swear, you won't be leaving me
No one else is going to care about you
You're nothing beyond a girl pretending to be a boy
I've always been your friend, you want to leave me now?
Answer me!
Did you show Chris what I sent you before?
You'll regret it if you did Chandler.
Answer me
Chan, Answer
Chan please, I can't lose you
I miss you
I miss dating you
I'm going to break up with Maddie for you Chan
We can be together again 
Answer me please babe
Chan I love you
You'll be mine whether you want it or not.

Chandler was silent while looking at the messages, and Chris couldn't read whatever emotion Chandler was feeling. "Has he texted you?" Chandler said, his voice soft and hoarse. 

"Yeah, He has," Chris said.

"Can we look at them?" 

"Chan are you sure? You seem like this is affecting you a lot," Chris said.

"Chris, I have to know. I need to know what he is telling you as well."

Chris sighed and unlocked his phone, he used a password unlike Chandler. Chris will advise him to add one later.

Jimmy (Mr.Beast)

You can't hide him forever.
He won't date you, he likes me.Sorry to crush your dreams there Chris 
but no matter what you do
Chandler. Is. Mine.

Chris stared at the messages. "He's lying," Chandler said gently. "I don't like him... at least not romantically."

"That's not what worries me Chandler."

"What is though?"

"His wording," Chris said so quietly.

"What about it?" Chandler asked.

"He's degrading you and calling you nothing, and... it seems he has already been gaslighting you," Chris said. 

"What's... what's gaslighting?" Chandler asked quietly.

"Telling you you remember things wrong, saying what you remembered was a dream... maybe in your case blaming any bad memories of him you had to be hallucinations," Chris said. 

"You think he used my disorders against me..." Chandler said quietly. Chris found it interesting that they both spoke in whispers. 

"The evidence is there. He seems to invalidate and make jokes about it a lot. Threaten violence to solve it... I'm not sure Chandler. He seems like an expert at manipulation. I have a fucking psychology degree and he somehow got me to believe he wasn't a piece of-" Chris cut himself off. He could feel rage boiling in his veins, but Jimmy is still someone Chandler cared about, for now at least, and Chris had no right to talk poorly of someone Chandler cared so much about. 

"You have a psychology degree?" Chandler asked.

Chris looked at him, "um... yeah. I work as a psychologist at the normal hospital, to help diagnose those who are admitted there but show signs of needing diagnoses... and because they have me work with suicide attempt patients."

"That's why they were willing to let you into my room," Chandler said.

"Chan, don't let this change how you view me. I did volunteer to help out with patients there yes, to help them recover. They wanted me to work with you specifically, but still, I wasn't paid, I wasn't gaining anything from sitting there and talking with you. It was my choice to come back and I came back to see you Chandler," Chris said, "Even with my degree, I was never there to be a doctor to you."

Chandler nodded softly, "Okay Chris... I believe you." 

Chris smiled, "I'm glad you do Chandler. You're like my only friend."

"Chris, that day I first freaked out... was that why you were so calm? You'd dealt with schizophrenia before?" Chandler asked softly.

"I've researched it for my schooling, yeah, but seeing someone hallucinate like you were doing that day was new, why?"

"You reacted so differently than Jimmy did," Chandler said softly.

"When Jimmy saw you act like that he was much younger than I am now though," Chris said.

"Still... he went to hit me. His reaction to me freaking out was... to hit me," Chandler said softly.

Chris remembered Jimmy saying that, but Jimmy said it as if it was a joke, "He went to hit you? I mean, he told me his reaction was to punch you, but he said it like a joke."

"Zach stopped him and calmed me down... If Zach supported kicking me out... why would he have calmed me down that day?" Chandler said, "My own memories lie to me Chris. Which one is real..." 

"I don't know... Maybe you should talk to Zach about it someday."

"I haven't seen him since I was 18 Chris, it's been 4 years," Chandler said.

"I know," Chris said, "But he always seemed to miss you to me."

"Maybe, not now though... I don't wanna see anyone but you right now Chris," Chandler said softly.

"That's alright Chan," Chris said, "You can stay here for a few days if you'd like."

"Thank you Chris," Chandler said. They both went quiet, but Chandler had more to ask. "Chris... Jimmy's texts to you... why does he say you'll never get to date me... does he think you want to?"

Chris looked at Chandler. He hadn't known Chandler long, just a short two, almost three months, but he knew that he loved Chandler. He realized that the day Chandler was released that he had grown to fall in love with Chandler. It wasn't a surprise to Chris how quickly he fell in love, he's read many studies showing men fall in love, on average after 88 days, under three months. He didn't know how long he had known Chandler, but he knew he was in love. It's just something he knew. 

"Chris... please answer," Chandler said quietly.

"Chandler, Jimmy doesn't think I want to date you, he knows I do," Chris said.

"You... want to date me?" Chandler said, his voice showed shock.

"Yes, but if you don't want that with me, please don't worry about hurting me or anything," Chris said, "Being your friend is more important to me than having my feelings returned, although I'd love if they were." Chris was blushing, he could feel his face heating up. He really hoped Chandler returned those feelings, but Chris wanting those feelings returned didn't guarantee a thing.

"Well," Chandler said, a smile tugging at his lips, "Lucky for you, those feelings are returned."