A White Room

Chapter 5

After Chris and Jimmy left, Chandler was left alone in his white room of solitude. He sat in the corner and slipped into his thoughts, despite his exhaustion. His thoughts were never a pleasant place to reside, he certainly had his fair share of invisible demons. 

His mind slipped back in time, to his childhood. 

*****

As a child, Chandler's issues weren't as severe, or at least no one noticed them as much. Chandler was very focused on family and friends when he was younger, and it showed in everything he did. 

"Hey Chan-Chan," Jimmy said as Chandler got off the bus. Zach gently pushed Chandler's head as he walked by. 

"Behave today Chandler. You to Jimmy," Zach said before walking into the high school. Chandler rolled his eyes. 

"Hey Jim," Chandler smiled at his friend. Together they walked into the school. Both the boys fell into the geeky squad more than anything else. Even while on the baseball team, Chandler's love of anime made him a geek, and Jimmy loved anime just as much, if not more. 

"So, did you watch Death Note like I told you to?" Jimmy asked Chandler.

"Yeah. I started it. It's a good one so far."

"I knew you'd like it. It's one of my favorites."

"Oh really? You talked about it so much I thought you hated it," Chandler said sarcastically. Jimmy smiled at Chandler.

"Whatever. I gotta get to class. See you at lunch right?" Jimmy asked.

"Always," Chandler answered. With that the two boys split up in opposite directions to go to class. Chandler mostly ignored his first three classes. School was never his thing, he much preferred watching anime and videos with Jimmy, or playing baseball, or spending time with his family. He just never had the will to chase down knowledge. He wasn't stupid though, something people commonly complimented him on was his intelligence. He just didn't care for school. 

When lunch came Chandler grabbed some trashy school pizza and sat in the corner to wait for Jimmy. Some of the guys from his baseball team waved at him and Chandler waved back. He was a geek for sure, but a popular geek. No one in the school hated him or anything. But he was sure that if they knew what went on beneath the surface, Chandler wouldn't be as liked. He can't be blamed that he was born schizophrenic and had depression issues, it was genetics. Not many people knew about his mental ailments. Chandler told Jimmy, and Chandler's family knew, and those with access to Chandler's medical documents obviously. But generally it was a secret. Part of Chandler believed his family kept his mental illness a secret out of shame, out of regret that their youngest son wasn't perfect. He tried to not think about it too much. 

"Hey Chan," Jimmy said, sitting down across from Chandler with a school hot dog. 

"Are you actually going to put whatever crap is in that hot dog into your body?"

"Hey, if it tastes good there's no problem. Besides, they were out of pizza," Jimmy remarked. Chandler pushed his tray towards Jimmy, offering it to his friend. "Don't you need to eat too Chandler?"

"Not hungry," Chandler said simply. 

"What were you thinking about?" Jimmy said calmly, setting down his food.

"Do you think my family is ashamed of me?" Chandler asked, he was always open with Jimmy. 

"No. Chandler they adore you. If this is about...well you know," Jimmy said motioning towards his head, "They just don't want someone to be able to use that information against you is all."

"Yeah, you're probably right Jimmy."

"I am always right," Jimmy said, taking the pizza of Chandler's tray and placing it on his own. A comfortable silence fell over the two as Jimmy ate and Chandler thought. Chandler did truly think Jimmy was right about his family, they never really seemed ashamed of him. Well, besides the fact they avoided him when he hallucinated, but they probably did that for their safety. Chandler didn't always think straight while hallucinating. 

Chandler's eyes gazed around the lunch room, he noticed his brother sitting with a new guy. Frankly, Chandler was surprised. Zach usually doesn't do well when meeting new people. The guy Zach was talking to definitely was from the country unlike everyone else. It was likely his family moved to the bigger city for work, leading to their son transferring. Chandler definitely thought the new guy was cute. but he was also clearly an upperclassman, and Chandler didn't want to bother with upperclassmen. 

"What are you looking at Chan?" Jimmy asked before also turning to see the new guy, "Are you getting a crush?"

"No. He's an upperclassman and I'm not stupid Jimmy. Also, we're in the south. It's not exactly a smart choice to show that I'm not 100 percent straight."

"Fair enough," Jimmy said. But Jimmy wasn't stupid. No matter what Chandler told him, Jimmy could tell that Chandler was at least interested in the new boy. However, he also knew that Chandler was sadly correct, it was the safest choice for Chandler to pretend he is straight rather than bisexual. 

Eventually lunch ended, and soon after lunch ended, the school day. Chandler didn't have baseball practice that day. On days Chandler doesn't have baseball practice, Jimmy rode the bus with Chandler to Chandler's house, and they would hang out there for the day until Jimmy decided to walk the few houses home or Jimmy would just spend the night. 

So, together the two got on the bus and rode the bus to Chandler's house. Chandler walked in and dropped his backpack off in his room, Jimmy leaving his as well. Then they went to the kitchen. 

"It's a bit odd that we do the same exact thing everyday," Jimmy commented as he opened the fridge.

"Not really. It's just what we do," Chandler replied, walking over to the counter and grabbing his medications. He took his antidepressant, and went to open his schizophrenia medication and paused. "Well ain't that a bitch."

"What is it Chan?"

"Hey Mom! Did you pick up my prescriptions today?" Chandler shouted, knowing his mom was in the other room. 

"They won't be ready until tomorrow," she shouted back.

"Well that's an issue," Chandler said quietly. 

"What, are you out of one of your meds or something?" Jimmy asked.

"Yeah. My schizophrenia one," Chandler answered. 

"You'll be okay right?"

"I mean yeah. Just spacey most likely." 

"Okay, if you have any bigger issues than spaciness you'll tell me right?" Jimmy asked, genuine concern for his friend showing in his voice. 

"Most likely. That or you'll be able to tell." 

"Alright Chandler," Jimmy said. He hugged Chandler with one arm and together the two went to Chandler's room to play some games. 

****

Chandler didn't like remembering that day. It was the beginning of the end in his mind. But his mind continued to slip back into the past and into that day.

****

Flashback to be continued in the next chapter.