The Dance

Behind The Mask

It was their first flight all together as a band again for their short tour around the United States, it was odd being all back together again, Stevie was still getting adjusted to life soberly with just some joints or a few drinks and it was odd being with the original line up of the band again which consisted of her, Lindsey, Mick and John.

She was surprised that Lindsey seemed a lot calmer, appearing to be off the cocaine as well which relieved her a great deal, the tension was still between them at times like when they sang together of course, but so was the love, they were still all the same at times, brief moments anyway, but she also sensed the tension had mellowed into what more felt like sadness and regret than anything, she noticed more in her sobriety, she mainly noticed how Christine had changed and she had her own whole truckload of regret when her eyes darted across the older woman, she also sensed she was hiding a lot.

Christine had seemed more shy, giving off a lot of little smiles, but mainly conversing with Mick whom Stevie heard had gone and collected her basically for the tour and the making of their live album. She noticed that John seemed mostly the same out of anyone, but they all seemed tired and Stevie was still saddened to know she was sure Mick was dabbling in cocaine still and her mind was also plagued with worries that Christine was too, something just seemed off about Christine and Stevie felt she had deeply hurt her by leaving the band after they finished with Behind The Mask, but it was all very vague because her mind was muddled from all the Klonopin of those days, but it had only been their first flight together as a band and her and Christine hadn't had a chance to even talk yet alone, she knew she would now though the plane had landed and everyone was beginning to scurry about.

Christine shakily walked down the ramp of the plane almost the second it had landed, the air felt warm and sticky and she was still trying to calm her jittery nerves, she hoped no one had noticed, particularly Stevie when she hurried to the bathroom on their private jet and sent herself into a full blown panic attack after some turbulence, she was obsessed that the plane was going to crash and had huddled on the floor while trying to calm herself.

She had started drinking a small bottle of vodka that she had in her purse and taking some sleeping pills with it in an absolute panic, she still remembered her hands shaking like crazy as she shoved the pills into her mouth, then washing them down with the burning vodka and then forced herself back out and was grateful she had passed out when she got as comfortable as she could, avoiding having to say much or try and converse with anyone, avoiding Stevie's glances that seemed to be trying to read her like a book.

Now she had been scared when she was jolted awake from the slight impact as they landed, she then felt so panicked that she raced off to take some painkillers because her neck and shoulder were hurting from how she slept. The painkiller she took had instantly been thrown up though after fixing her makeup and then she settled on chugging back too much more vodka she now at least felt buzzed enough to make it to the hotel room without another panic attack.

This was how every flight went for her those days, it was like going through her own personal hell, feeling like she was about to die, then making herself sick with alcohol or drugs and she resented that she had even been conning cocaine out of roadies and occasionally Mick. The marijuana was still passed around like sweets because no one was or had been addicted to it, but the cocaine was kept secret for Stevie's sake and probably Lindsey too, but Mick and herself were still using and had become used to the knowing glances from John, Christine had silenced him though when he tried to lecture by telling him to 'fuck off and worry about his new wife" that had made him keep his lectures to herself, even though she felt a little bad for snapping at him, oh well, she thought.

Christine dragged herself back to the present moment and exhaled in relief, as she let it hit home in her mind, that she and the band had landed and were safe, then she instantly started dreading the next flight, it was vicious circle for her and it was like being caught in a deep dark hole that she simply couldn't get out of, her own form of Groundhog day, her own private torture that no one knew about, she only came on the tour for one person, the one person she would always long for and love unconditionally, the one person she had been separated from so many times, the one she dreamed of, longed for and missed so dearly. The one she hoped there might still be the slightest chance with, even though she had hoped that for countless years but life always seemed to get in the way.

The hustle and bustle of Mick, Lindsey and John chattering loudly bought Christine back into the moment and she hoped they didn't notice how unhinged she felt, but Stevie did unbeknownst to Christine. Christine jumped slightly as Stevie rested her hand on her shoulder "Sorry, Chris, are you alright?" Stevie asked in a concerned whisper "I noticed you on the plane, you went to the toilet and were gone for ages, then you came back and crashed out, what's wrong? Did I say something, are you annoyed with me over something?" Stevie asked and Christine instantly felt bad that the younger woman was blaming herself.

"Everything is peachy, please don't stress!" Christine smiled looking at the ageless angel now beside her "I missed you!" Christine smiled, feeling too tipsy and nostalgic unable to stop herself from blurting that out.

Stevie smiled but instantly knew "Your drunk, come on, take my hand!" she said softly as Christine staggered onto the bitumen, beginning to stumble beside her and giggling.

Christine couldn't help chuckling as she nearly fell "Falling, falling, falling!" She sang softly, bursting into more giggles and Stevie couldn't help crack a small grin at her always using those final lines of 'Say You Love Me' when she was drunk and almost actually falling.

"I've got you, so I won't let you fall!" Stevie cooed, steadying her more as she helped her over to the cab that was waiting, she was glad to see that the boys all had their own cab like the old days, she would finally be able to have time alone with Christine, even though the older woman was drunk.

"You made me fall!" Christine laughed and Stevie raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"What?" She asked, throwing a laugh in.

"You made me fall for you, like you do everyone, miss irresistible!" Christine slurred and giggled, side glancing at Stevie.

Stevie felt her cheeks turning a red hue and chewed on her bottom lip "Hardly miss irresistible anymore, its not the seventies Chris, you aged well, I haven't!" the shorter woman sighed, riddled with all her own insecurities.

"Tell me lies!" Christine giggled and then turned enough to whisper in her ear "You are always irresistible to me!" 

Stevie laughed and helped steady her as she almost fell over again "You are drunk Chris, lets just get you to the hotel!" Stevie cooed, glad they reached the cab that was opened for them.

"Us and hotels, sure brings back a lot of memories!" Christine grinned and looked at Stevie before unsteadily getting into the vehicle with a little help from Stevie. 

"Memories for sure!" Stevie smiled nostalgically almost getting caught in her own thoughts but she then knew she had to stay in the present moment to try and help Christine and also find out what was bothering her.  Christine was about to say more but Stevie ushered her to move over and climbed in beside her "Try not to trip out on the way there!" Stevie smiled.

"The amount of times we said that eachother!" Christine then laughed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes "Feels like the old days again!" She chuckled.

Stevie forced a smile Maybe for you, not for me though, she though a mixture of emotions, which she just masked with a chuckle. 

~Hope you all enjoy this, its inspired by an older story of mine but very different and its all written so updates shall be often~