HIDDEN (Hide Or Die)

Chapter 12

KYLE'S P.O.V.

I sought out the coldness as I pressed myself further into the cool wall, my mum’s voice bouncing in the otherwise silent room as she called out for me, questioning my awakens. I held my breath in, but otherwise, did nothing to wipe away the tears or change the foul-smelling shirt to rid of the memories. The wall was cold, the floor too. The breeze from the window ‘refreshing’ as it passed the streaks on my face. Hell; my heart was stone cold, but everything else was a blaze. Sadness radiated off me as heat pulsed under my skin.

I don’t know how long I sat there against the tiled wall of my bathroom, wrapped up into myself as if by doing that, the actions of today won’t hurt me. But the thing is, they already did. But I was too tired to give an explanation to my actions and I was feeling emptier by the second yet I did nothing to get relief, my mother had a late shift, then dinner with Sam. When she came back, I had my door locked to illude her that I was simply sleeping and not breaking into pieces after the incidents of today. I couldn’t handle facing her in this state of miserable suffering after my first day of school, out in the open, a day that was meant to be filled with pleasant moments and promises of brighter days.

I was half-sure that she would’ve pulled me out as soon as she got notice of this. Or even worse, go talk to Andrew or his parents. And make him hate me even more. Speaking of Andrew; I wiped my tears and sniffled, looking out for my digital watch in the darkness, it read a quarter past midnight. And even though he did nothing but hurt me today, I still wasn’t able to convince myself to skip my visit. I already did, twice. I thought that by going through with my grand plan, I’d be able to see him, talk to him face to face without having to hide in the shadows, but I guess I won’t. Old habits die hard, they say. And I wasn’t entirely sure if I would’ve stopped even if I was talking to him during the day.

I pulled myself up from the floor, avoiding the mirror as I threw water onto my face. I hated that even when emerged in the darkness, I was able to see as if I had the lights on. It made it harder to escape from anything. A sigh heaved out of my lips as I situated myself on my bed, recalling the events that took place today once more, another sob shock through my body as I tried to make sense out of something that doesn’t make sense. One minute he was the nicest, the second he was the meanest. And it was unexplainable, for I did nothing for him to hate me so much!

I buried my face into my palms trying so hard not to cry, I always thought that I’d cry out of rejection yet I wasn’t even given the chance to receive that bit of hate. I had to do something! I couldn’t lose him… I couldn’t decide which was worse, him rejecting my love, or being bullied by my love. Instead of giving me the right to cry out of my feelings for him, he gave me the right to cry out of the bullying he inflicted on me. I couldn’t help but blame him for causing my plan to go south that quick. I had risked exposure to see him— well, the seeing part is all fine, though I don’t think I’d be able to look him in the eye and not remember the sinister look he stared at me with. Now I can’t talk to him, and that means that my stalking tendencies are not yet finished.

I pulled open my closet, finally ridding myself from that awful jacket. I’ll have to burn it somehow. I changed my tank top to another one, changing my pants and then pulling a baseball cap on top of my head making sure I have a scarf knotted securely around my face so only my eyes showed. But as I looked at myself in the mirror more; I decided to take off the cap, ruffling my hair away from my face. He did see me under sunlight but it’s too dark out for him to distinguish me by hair color. I wondered if he would recognize me… I hope not. Or at least a part of me does.

I stood on my balcony, the black scenery did nothing to bring me lightness as it once did. I spread my wings, and flew my way to the darkness of the woods, the gushing wind left me clammy rather than satisfied. Everything lost its peak the moment he decided I wasn’t worth it.