Give it up now

Let's talk it out

He seemed incredibly uncomfortable, standing in the middle of the room.

There wasn’t really a chair where he could sit, Jenny realized. So she made room for him on the bed.

-Sorry.-she blurred out.

-Oh, no. It’s okay.-Matt rushed to say.

He’d been standing outside her room for what seemed like ages but he had never really thought through what he would tell her if they talked. And now his mind was blank, along with hers.

-So… the nurse said you’ve been out there for a while.

-Yeah.-Matt looked embarrassed.-I just wanted to make sure you were alright.

He tried finding a comfortable position sitting on the edge of the bed, but the task seemed nearly impossible to complete.

-I’m fine.-Jenny lied. They both knew she was lying, but they just stared at each other.

-You… hmm….-Matt looked at the ceiling, searching for the right words.- you wanna talk about it? Because you know you don’t have to, if you don’t want to…

-I guess I’m not sure what you wanna hear.-Jenny replied.

-Hmm…- Matt was yet again at a lost for words. – The truth I guess. – He instantly realized that that didn’t sound like what he meant it to sound, he didn’t mean it like he thought she was gonna lie or anything.

-The truth hurts. And it’d probably hurt me more than it would hurt you. – Jenny left the sentence hanging and faced the white ceiling.

Matt couldn’t take it anymore, so he blurred out the question he had on his mind ever since he found out she was hurt.

-I just gotta know, was it Tyler? – Matt feared he sounded overly aggressive, but she didn’t seem to mind.

-Tyler… I broke up with him, he wasn’t happy about that, I guess. But he wasn’t the reason I... you know... This might come as a surprise to you but I manage to screw up my life all by myself, I don’t need anyone’s help.

Matt didn’t say anything, he wasn’t sure what to say, and Jenny wasn’t looking at him, which meant he didn’t need to hide the lost look in his eyes.

-It’s just…-Jenny continued. – I’m not who you think I am, Matt. I’ve got some issues and some parts of me that can’t really be fixed, so I just ignore them, but sometimes I can’t ignore them anymore, and things get overwhelming and I don’t know how to deal with them.

Jenny faced him at last and Matt felt forced to speak.

-But you didn’t have to do that, you could’ve called me instead of whoever you called to give you drugs. And I thought you knew that Jenny.

He looked like a puppy, she thought, a very sweet, loyal puppy, but naïve nonetheless.

-Who did you call Jenny?

Matt didn’t regret asking her that, he had to know, he had the right to know, he was her friend, but Jenny’s eyes didn’t seem to agree.

-I can’t tell you that and you know it.

-But… -He decided not to go down that road, at least not for the time being. – I’m gonna go get something to eat, I’m starving, you want anything?

-No. – Jenny answered quickly.

As he headed to the door she reached her arm and their hands touched.

-You’re not mad at me are you?

Matt wondered that it must’ve looked like he was trying to leave as fast as he could just because she didn’t answer his question.

-No. – He smiled. – I’ll be right back.

But neither of them let go of each other’s hand. They just stood there and Matt thought it was like time had stopped. He was looking at the door, Jenny was looking at ceiling but no one moved.

His hand felt warm to Jenny, like he had put it in front of fire.

Her hand felt cold to Matt, like there was ice in her veins.

Then they just let go, he walked outside and she locked eyes with the door.

It was a weird feeling to Jenny, realizing that she hadn’t given Damien any thought until that moment. If someone called an ambulance it had to be him, she had placed him in a very unpleasant situation and she thought she should call and apologize.

With the phone in her hand, starting to dial the numbers she realized it was better if she didn’t. He had the right to not be a part of all of it, the insanity, the picking up the pieces of herself.

So Jenny just waited for Matt, and in those few minutes a plan started to form in her head: she was getting out of that hospital and confronting the reason why her life had fallen apart, and she already knew the best way to do both.