Bad Kind of Butterflies ♧ DazaiXReaderXDOA

9. In A Cage

Fyodor stops extremely close to you, his glistening eyes watching your every move as if he commanded it, knowing he has power that could pull all the right strings without you noticing. Your breathing slows to match his as he tilts your chin up, his dark hair casting a shadow on your face, blocking the light from the window.

"You're so easy to read, so human. You trust so much on your ability...but what do you do when someone has too much control? Do you enjoy it?" Fyodor asks that last part in a whisper, and you feel his warm breath tickling your neck.

"Is it fun?"

You don't move, your breathing hitched, your face directly in front of Fyodor's, head being guided by his gentle, porcelain hands.

"Can you even tell?"

Just as you feel your head lean in, Fyodor pulls back and straighten's himself up, his previous smirk and teasing shine fading as he turned with a sigh, immediately returning to his chair on the other side of the table, the chess hosted still decorating it, pieces scattered.

This is all a game to him.

He knows how I tick...and I couldn't read his heartbeat.

I couldn't tell in the moment.

"You have so much more potential in our plans, [f/n]. Though I'm going to need to personally meet with you to discuss the flaw in your ability, as I've just proved." Fyodor says as he tucks a piece of hair behind his ear, eyes looking out the window as he leans the side of his chin on one of his hands pensively.

You stare without shame, mixed feelings rising inside you.

"You'll find me when I need you. For now...sit tight little mouse, don't forget our deals, hm?" Fyodor adds before he gets up and walks towards Sigma, whispering a few words to the other man and causing the duo-toned hair to watch the demon with an unsettled gaze before he walks away through another door in the room. You find yourself much too curious as to what was going on, and looking forward to seeing him again for a split second before chastising your own thoughts.

He does everything on purpose.

Why do you tease so much?

Why can't I stop being allured by your presence?

Why do you demand me here and say nothing?

Behind you, and without warning or reason, Gogol lets out a deep sigh. Peaking your interest, you watch him drop on his back against the soft bed he had been sitting on, his hair dropping around him like a mystical veil. A part of you wants to laugh at his dramatized, impatient exasperation, the other part of you only shivers in the presence of this specific decay of angels member. As if sensing your eyes on him, Nikolai quickly sits up, his long hair laying majestically over his shoulders and his shorter hairs flowing in front of his light eyes as he looks at you with sudden, pure excitement.

"Now that Dos is done with Myshka, and now that she seems so interested in me...braid my hair?"

With the way he asked, it wasn't much of a question, but an indirect tease of the look on your face as you watched him. Mentally begging that your face hadn't turned red, you accept so you wouldn't have to hear his reaction if you had declined his request. Walking over to the bed, situating yourself behind him and on your knees so you could properly braid his long, silver hair. You start, your hands slightly shaking but your pace steady. You concentrate hard, the feeling more pleasant than you imagined, until Gogol turns around to you just as you tie the ends of his hair with his red, fluffy, pompom hair tie.

His face is extremely close to you, and in that moment it become apparent that everyone else in the room had gone elsewhere, and it was just you and Nikolai in the sky.

It's almost poetic.

"Do you like birds, Myshka?" He asks, interrupting anything further thoughts with so much seriousness you can almost hardly recognize his own voice.

"Um...yes? I guess I do. Why?"

"You remind me of one" The clown states in a 'as a matter of fact' tone with a small chuckle, so much so that you aren't sure whether you're being offended or not.

Just as you are about to object, Gogol continues and you let go of his braid and watch it swing with grace along his back as he turns to you completely, his one uncovered eyes glowing as he speaks.

"You are trapped in a cage and I thought you didn't realize it...but now I see you do. We have the marvellous gift of making everything insignificant...and you, you exhaust that ability. You are just like a small bird perched happily in your world, in your cage dangling in the sky, your absolute freedom so close...yet you don't dare try to find the key. It's such an odd way to live...but that it is what you want, isn't it Myshka? To live? Would that not mean being able to execute your full free will?"

His words send a type of disorienting earthquake throughout your mind, and you feel flashes of countless faces appear in your subconscious.

Free will?

What would that mean?

"What are you trying to do?" You whisper to him, both your body's sitting close to eachother, the result intimidating.

"Riddle me this instead. What are YOU trying to do?"

The question is unsettling to you, and the echo of his wild heartbeat fills your ears. You back away, getting up from the bed to try to put some distance between you and the clown, his gaze following you with amusement.

"Oh crumbs! Looks like I've scared my Myshka away!" Nikolai laughs to himself, pulling out his overcoat just enough to have one of his red-gloves hands reach in and appear elsewhere only to take back his hat and place it on him with satisfaction.

"Where will you fly to in this cage of yours? Maybe I should start calling you *vorobushek instead...it's just not the same though..." Gogol mumbles the latter to himself as he keeps his eyes on you, a smile being played with on his lips.

Why is he like this?

Why does he have to put so many ideas in my head?

I am not the fool in the deck...

"Why do you have so much fun toying around with me, Kolya?"

"You've got it all wrong Myshka. The question should be why are you still here? What are you waiting for?" Nikolai asks slowly as he gets up as well, walking towards you until you've backed yourself up against one of the doors that leads back out where you came from.

I don't know.

You've got me all mixed up now.

Didn't I come here for a plan? For clarity?

How has it ended like this?

"Have I ever told you how cute you are when cornered?" Nikolai lets out a suppressed laugh, and you immediately know he is only playing games with you.

Still, something about both your hearts accelerated in a sort of dance shot you with adrenaline, and the sounds were so clear to you.

We both want something, but no one is asking the right questions.

"I hope you get your so desired wings, Nikolai. Truly." You whisper as you reach for the door handle behind you and twist it, letting yourself fall back into the bright halls, Gogol closing the door after, his ever-present smile fading and his eyes widening as you leave with those few words.

With your heart caught up in your throat, you let out deep breathes as if you had been holding them in this whole time, and your body shakes, aching at the stiffness that meeting had created all over.

And my loyalty is supposed to belong to them...

This didn't get me anywhere.

What do I do when all I want is to give my loyalty but now my head is being torn apart?

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*Vorobushek (воробушек) means "little sparrow", and can be used as a term of endearment in Russian too. More or less.