things i can't say

imy

i miss you
i miss you so much
more and more every day
there's just a constant ache in my heart my soul my mind
for you
for you to call me
to text me
to talk to me
i miss you so much
in a way i didn't even know was possible
people have left me
sure
so many people
but i've always gotten over it
even when i loved them
when they were the most important to me
when i didn't get closure
when i couldn't reach out
i've gotten over everyone who's ever left me
but not you
i'm not over it
over you
maybe i'm still in love with you
maybe i'm not
i don't know anymore to be honest
my feelings are muddled
so are my thoughts
i don't know what's what anymore
and it's your fault
you've done this to me
you and your stupid blue eyes
your curly black hair
your awful taste in shoes
your warm jackets
your comforting embrace
your intense gaze
everything about you has ruined me
and rebuilt me
before you i knew who i was and what i wanted
i was in tune with my feelings and my thoughts
i never wanted a boy like i wanted you
but also
i didn't love myself
i wasn't as confident in myself
i wasn't sure of who i could be
you helped me see that
you helped me in ways you could never understand
and for you to just cut me off
for a girl
for you to leave
multiple times
after i asked you
begged you
not to
for you to turn out the same as everyone else
has broken my heart more than anyone else could ever dream of
i thought i would die from the pain you caused me
even now
months later
i am hurting
i cry
so much
and there's a dull pain
ever constant
never wavering
that has settled throughout my body
and there's nothing i can do to end it
to end my suffering
the only one who can
is the one who caused it in the first place
you
and i want you to
need you to
beg you to
please
come back to me