Persona 5 X Reader

40: Why(Akechi X Reader)

Why (Akechi X Reader)

Xxxx

The rain on your windowpane is falling slowly like teardrops. You trace them with your hand and unconsciously, you feel the tears fall from your eyes.

Why are you crying again?

You look so pathetic.

Why are you crying again?

It’s been a week since you’ve been to Goro’s apartment. To think you’ve even brought him a cake and you’ve dressed yourself so nicely. Even wearing that dress he bought you before. And even though it’s been a week, you remember everything that happened that day. From the moment you wake up to the moment you’ve cried yourself to sleep. It’s all so vivid to you that it would seem that it happened just minutes – no, seconds ago. Even to the point when just merely closing your eyes would take you back to Goro's house again.

You unconsciously let your mind wander further. As if now you are back to that day -  standing in front of Goro Akechi’s apartment with a box of cake at hand. You are smiling. Perhaps, waiting for something special to happen. You even ring the doorbell continuously but as soon as the door opens, you find yourself dropping the box.

In front of you, Akechi is kissing another woman.

The contents of the box scatter to the ground and both Akechi and the girl turn at the disruption. You are trembling, weakening and almost to the point where you feel like falling to your knees. But you keep your composure – because you have your pride. You are supposed to lunge at the girl, grab her by the hair and tell her to leave. But your body won’t let you. You are still trembling. And Akechi rushes to you, he grabs your waist but you refuse to be touched. You push him away and at the point where you’re supposed to turn to him and slap him, to tell him why he did this to you… you turn with tears in your eyes and run away.

Why?

Because you couldn’t take this any longer, because you couldn’t stand seeing it with your own eyes, because… because right from the very start, you already know you’re being cheated on.

“(Y/N)!” A voice breaks your thoughts and you turn your head to the door. It’s him. Suddenly, your heart seems to be in a contraction and it’s difficult to breathe. “I know you’re in there! Please let me talk to you! I want to at least see your face – just… let me see you…”

You stand up, your knees are too weak but you find the strength in you to walk to the door and turn the doorknob. Your throat is tightening, seeming like it’s almost burning and there’s a lump in the middle that abstains you from swallowing. The door opens and Akechi rushes to pull you into a tight hug. You remain still – almost lifeless and you feel his warmth against your cold skin.

He pulls you away and you stare right into his eyes, hoping he’d see nothing. You give nothing away but your eyes are swollen from crying and this is where he starts. “Give me another chance… I love you so much that…”

“No, Goro.” You try to swallow the lump in your throat. Doing so, you feel nothing but pain. But come to think of it, you’d rather this than the ache in your heart. “No more chances. I’ve had enough… I’ve heard enough… and I’ve seen enough. Goro… I deserve better than this.”

He looks up at you in remorse. “I know, that’s why I’ll make it up to you… I won’t meet with her anymore, I’ll never make the same mistake again… (Y/n), I love you so much that—”

“I said I’ve heard enough !” You shout at him, tears falling from your eyes. Hearing him say your name like that hurts thousand times more. It was a feeling of never-ending pain. Of living life continuously and having that voice haunt you forever. “When I say I deserve better than this… I meant not out of you – I meant, I deserve a better man. Do you think I’ll be able to see you again without having that same image disturb me? To look at you and remember you kissing another girl. Do you think I can live through life like that? What do you think will that make me feel?”

“Don’t say that,” He turns to you. You see the tears in his eyes threatening to fall. But you don’t let yourself be entranced with it. Not this time. Like you said, you’ve had enough. He reaches a hand to touch you but you move away, eyes averting his. “I…I don’t want to hurt you like that—”

This is when a switch in you turns on. You are reminded of the past – of the memories, of the promises – and lastly, you are reminded of that scene in front of his house. How his lips touched hers like how it touches yours. You’ve heard about her but you stayed faithful. You still believed in him.

But now, you’ve given more of yourself to him that you’ve lost everything already.

“ Hurt me?” You snap at him. “Goro… you’ve already hurt me so many times… didn’t you think I know? The moment I found out, I felt like someone was stabbing me again and again, but I didn’t mind it. I loved you that much. Even after many times you couldn’t meet up with me because of her. What did you think I’ll do? Ignore and forget about it? No, Goro… remember that date you cancelled last time? I didn’t leave… I waited in that restaurant until dawn because I thought you’d change your mind. And the day after that? I cried so much, I thought I couldn’t even cry again… but I did. Day after day after day… And now, you’re telling me you don’t want to hurt me?”

“J-just one last chance… I’ll heal all those wounds I’ve—”

You push him away, the tears have fallen and they won’t stop any sooner, you’re sure of it. You’ll have to endure another long night with endless crying that’s why with all your might, you push him away. He doesn’t restrain, instead, he lets himself be pushed by you. And before he leaves, you pull him back, looking at him right into the eyes. You take the silence even though it’s already so painful. You let him take his time to look at you. For a moment, you try to look innocent – as immaculate as you are actually wretched and wrecked inside. You make him take note of everything, hoping that this very image of you will bore into his mind and haunt him to his dreams. And if that’s not enough, you tell him words that he might not even forget in his lifetime. To his daily morning walks, with his song writing, to his all-nighters at work – you know your words will hurt him as much as he hurt you.

“Heal those wounds, you say? That’s impossible… because, Goro you’ve already killed me long ago.”

Xxxxx

Published: 31 Jan 2020