The Colors of Us

thirty.

       "Tell me what it was like for you growing up." Giselle, my new therapist, put on her prescription glasses.

Three weeks had gone by and I'd finally gained the courage to open pandora's box with a professional. It took a week to find the therapist that made me comfortable, and Giselle instantly gave me comfort. She reminded me of a grandmother. She held an aura that made you crave a hug from her while you spilled all the beans. An aura that shielded you from all judgement, only offering listening ears. I genuinely liked her.

"Growing up was...spontaneous and joyful until it wasn't." I sat my clasped hands in my lap.

"Care to expand on that for me?"

I deeply exhaled, "My dad was a man of adventures. He liked to take trips out of the blue and he never liked to do the same thing. One weekend we were indoor rock climbing and the next we were bicycling around town. He always kept a smile on our faces."

"When did that all come to an end?"

"When he died. Our house lost all color and became a shadow of what once was. At least that's how I saw it. But we still had our moments of smiling and laughing together. My brother Courtland was almost a carbon copy of my dad and he tried to keep the same energy in the house. It didn't work all the time but he did pretty well if I must say."

I grabbed one of the yellow decorative pillows and placed it in my lap. Giselle watched my movements in silence, waiting for me to continue explaining.

"A couple months after my dad died I realized how hard it was for me to be happy with anything. Nothing could really satisfy me enough to keep me happy more than a few hours. Me, being a child didn't really pick up on it. My mom did but never said anything. She'd just give me this sad look and rub my arm. She'd never ask me was I okay or try and talk about my dad's death. An arm rub was all she gave.

"As I got older it slowly got worse. I slowly stopped hanging with with the same friends – except Eliana – and isolated myself. There were times where I'd ignore Eliana because I wanted it to just be me. It always worked for me until I met this kid, Giovanni. He sat beside me in class and everyday he would ask me why I was so sad. I would ignore him every time until one day I got annoyed and told him that I wasn't. He said I had sad eyes like the women on soap operas." the latter made me chuckle.