The Colors of Us

thirty-one.

       "Sensual by Dior." I spoke into a microphone for the fifth time while wrapped in a blanket.

The director finally thought it sounded perfect before the stylist whisked me away for wardrobe and makeup change. As drained as I felt, I was forcing myself to be in the moment for the sake of my career. I refused to be at home drowning myself out in emotions when there was money to be made. With a career as a model, there's not time to sit around. Someone was always entering the scene, therefore, I needed to ride my wave while it was still flowing.

I sat back in the chair, allowing the makeup artist to remove all of the previous makeup. I reached for my phone to see whether I missed anything important. None of it mattered to me aside from the message I'd received from Giovanni. It had been a few days since I stopped by his place and there hadn't been much communication between us. I was solely at fault because I still wasn't sure what I wanted to say to him. I was feeling one too many things but fear overshadowed all of them.

He was being calm about it all, but I knew he was reaching his wits end and wanted me to speak up. I couldn't blame him. Time had come and gone and continues to transpire yet we hadn't reached an understanding pertaining to us romantically. As much as he wanted to tend to me as a friend, I knew that he wanted to acknowledge Korin, his girlfriend as well.

"Close your eyes for me." the makeup artist instructed.

I locked my phone, placed it back in my purse and closed my eyes as told. While I sat in the chair, I anxiously wondered what the message read but each opportunity I had to open it, I didn't. I chose to continue getting my makeup done then eventually went back to work.

Dior liked for their commercials to be 30-second short films that used zero dialogue. Therefore, we shot various scenes in various looks. Unlike the last two fragrances they'd dropped, the woman that I'm playing is promiscuous. In a lot of my scenes I'm filmed in lingerie or freakum dresses. It's been a challenge to be sexy on camera – or at all – when I hadn't felt sexy in weeks, but I'd been pushing through and trying to get out of my head. It hasn't been easy.

"You okay? You're starting to wear agitation on your face. You're  brooding."  Jeff asked while the director looked over the film.

"In all honesty, no. I'm ready to go." I whispered to him.