Smoke || larry

33

Harry is sitting on a swing at the park. It's so cold out and it makes it harder for him to breathe. When did his breathing become so loud? His lungs can't take in enough air without wheezing. He should not smoke for a bit.

The sound of shoes hitting the ground catches his attention and he turns to see Louis. Louis has dark bags under his eyes, his skin grey and his hair greasy. His normally sparkling blue eyes are a stormy, lifeless grey and Harry still can't think of someone more genuinely beautiful.

Louis doesn't look him in the eyes and moves to sit down on the swing next to his. It's clear the boys lost weight and his hands are shaking as he grips onto the metal chain and kicks his feet.

"I think you deserve an explanation," Louis starts. His voice is weak, croaky and tired. Harry wants to kiss him and bring a smile to his sad face.

"My mother isn't a good person. She's... Lived a hard life. When she became pregnant with me, she was with my father. He thought he'd fix her. Put all her broken pieces back together, get her off the drugs. Of course, that didn't work and he left. Mom went from boyfriend to boyfriend for two years and then she met Mark." Louis' voice cracks here and Harry just sits and watches him. Louis blinks up at the sky and releases a shaky breath.

"Mark was the man she needed. He married her, got her off of the drugs. He treated me like his own, even gave me his last name. They were together for four years. In those four years they had Charlotte and Felicite. My mom cheated one too many times and poof. Divorce. Mark got the girls, but never me. Mom let me visit weekends."

Harry can tell this is where the story will get worse. Louis' age in the story is 8. At 10 he broke up a fight.

"My mom got back on the drugs and had boyfriend after boyfriend. I spent time with Mark and the girls more and more. At 10 my mom got a serious boyfriend. His name was Charles. Charles was a drug dealer and he didn't fuck around. Mark and my mom hooked up again while she was with Charles and what do you know. She's pregnant. With twins."

Harry flinches at the tone in Louis' voice and how he can picture what happens next.

"Charles was a huge coke addict. When he found out about the twins he was so high he should've been dead. He beat her. Knocked out her tooth and sprained her arm. I stepped in then and he beat me too. I woke in the hospital with a broken arm and leg. My mom never thanked me," Louis whispers. The air feels like it's dropped in temperature.

"Back to the constant boyfriends and then in comes Dan. Dan was a bigger mess than my mother and she loved it. Married him after 3 months and they're still together. They have two babies, Ernest and Doris. I should also mention my mom had Marks twins - Daisy and Phoebe. They live with him."

Louis pauses, seeming to gather his thoughts. Harry can't stop himself from reaching out and grabbing his hand. Louis doesn't pull away, he clings to him.

"Dan had a lot of friends. They came over a lot and at 14 I had enough and left to be with Mark. He accepted me with open arms and I lived with him happily for 2 years. At 16 I realized I was gay. I liked boys and I thought it didn't matter. Fuck, it mattered."

"Mark didn't take the news well. He went from my role model, my everything to this cold beast that locked me away and smacked me behind closed doors. He hated me then. Told me I was disgusting and so I left. Went back to my mom after he hit me so hard I saw spots," Louis' crying now and Harry feels like he is too. He can feel the dampness on his cheeks because his poor fucking baby.

"Mom took me back. She didn't care about my sexuality because it had nothing to do with her. I like it up the ass? Oh well. As long as she can snort the next line," Louis laughs, but it's forced and watery.

"They had a friend named Frank. Frank was older, kind of fat and had a lot of money. He got me high the first time ever and promised me the world. He became my new role model and like the fool I am I let him have me. He fucked me every time he was over and like a bitch I let him. I moaned his name and he fed me drugs. I wanted the affection."

Harry feels sick at the turn the stories taken. This is so fucked up compared to his childhood. He was spoiled and pampered. Louis was basically tortured.

"I met a boy at 17. I fell hard for him. He wasn't out because his parents and I understood that. He was my first love. I loved him so much. I broke things off with Frank for him and made him my world. The boy who I won't name wanted sex. Always wanted sex and we had a lot of it. One night I said no and that night he raped me. And even after that I still fucking loved him. It was the third time he forced himself on me I left. I cried because my ass was bleeding and it hurt. He was rough and mean and moaned someone else's name. I started to hate relationships."

Harry tries to take that all in and then guilt builds up, suffocating him. He's just like that boy, always wanting sex and nothing but. He didn't know though. He never would've been so mean if he'd known.

"I went back to meaningless fucks and drugs took away the dreams of his eyes and eventually his face was lost in the haze of the others that haunted me. I was 19 at this point. Skip ahead a year and I'm sitting on a couch at my party and this lanky, adorable boy is freaking out, his eyes too sad for someone so beautiful. You fucked me up, Harry. Made me want what I swore off and it scared me. Made me drink more, smoke more. You were this big scary idea and God I craved the idea of you. And then I just craved you because you stopped being an idea and became reality," Louis' now looking at him and Harry has no words. Doesn't know what to say because he doesn't know where to start.

"You're my everything and I don't want to be stupid and give you a second chance. I've given them and regretted it. I don't want to regret it," Louis says brokenly and Harry squeezes the hand he's still holding. He's crying with Louis and he brings their hands up so he can kiss Louis' knuckles.

"I don't want to hurt you, Lou. I won't. Please be with me again. I'm a mess without you," Harry tells him and Louis closes his eyes. He looks to be in pain and his body is shaking.

"Harry..." Louis says, trying to pull his hand away. Harry clings to him and looks into his eyes.

"I love you. I'm so in love with you and I swear I won't fuck up again. I don't want to be another person on the list that've disappointed you. I want to be someone you can count on. Someone to help you. I want to be everything you need, Louis. I'd give anything for a second chance," Harry swears and Louis scans his face and then surges forward and connects their lips. Harry pulls him forward and they break apart so Louis can move from his swing to Harrys lap.

"Don't make me regret this," Louis mumbles against his lips.

"I won't," Harry promises.