Speaking In Silence [Book 2]

13

I passed all of my classes come exam time. It satisfied my enough mother so I could stay where I was. The only issue was, I didn't want to be home right now. It had turned cold outside and the days got darker and shorter. That meant my mental health was on a decline.
Chloe helped me pass all of the classes and she was officially my girlfriend. She told me she was virgin a few months ago, and I didn't mind if she wanted to wait. There were other aspects of our relationship that were more important to me than that. However, she was about to see how bad I could get. If she didn't scare away now, then I thought she might be ready for the entire Killian story.

Now that I was on winter break, I wasn't required to leave my flat. I took advantage of that in every way possible. Although it became dangerous when I started falling back into my depressive episodes. All the weight I gained back recently was lost and my appearance became gaunt. I hadn't left in weeks.

Chloe was visiting her mother uptown for a while so I had nothing to will me away from my room. We texted and called obviously, but nothing hinted about my current state.

-

Self doubt was extremely prevalent to my life. It always had been. But I had never felt it as much as I did now.
I lay on my sofa, face down, with one arm falling off. I didn't think I would be able to move again. Energy was lacking in all forms. I adjusted to look at the time. All I knew was that it was two o'clock. Whether it was morning afternoon, I didn't know and honestly I didn't care.

My stomach already adjusted to the lack of food I was putting into it. I understood that I was hungry, but all food seemed so bland and useless. If I forced myself to eat I would probably vomit anyways
My clothing was long passed soiled. I hadn't the energy to change once. It wasn't that everything was falling apart, per se, but it was definitely falling. It was only a matter of time until I picked up the booze again.

My phone vibrated and Chloe's name came up on the screen. She was calling me and I gave my last ounce of energy to answer.

"Hey" I put the call on speakerphone and let it sit on my chest.

"You sound sick"
Her voice brought me life.

"Just a little tired that's all"

"How was your day? Do anything fun?

"No, just lounged around all day. You?"

"Well, right now in with my mom and we are at this cultural foods market. Mom! Come say hi, it's Blaine!"
There was a light rustling and some words were exchanged before the woman spoke.

"Hi Blaine! I'm Helen"

"Hi, nice to meet you. Do I call you Mrs. Hodgner or Helen?"

"Helen is just fine, nice to meet you too!"

Chloe came on again and talked about her day. She told me she would bring me something from the market. I told  her no but she insisted. I wasn't even sure if I would be able to eat anything that she brought back. My stomach would probably reject any food I put into it anytime soon.

-

After a while I was able to get myself up, and do a little but of personal hygiene. I brushed my teeth, showered, and changed into some clean clothes. I thought it had been two in the afternoon when Chloe called since they were out and about.

Even that small amount of effort had tired me out. So, I went back to sleep and stayed there for a few hours. It wasn't like I had anywhere better to be. That was, until I heard a knocking. It woke me from my slumber and I groaned.

"Go away" I said loud enough for the knocker to hear.

"It's me, Seth"
Why the hell was he here? He had no right to be anywhere near me.

"Get the fuck away from my apartment asshole." I'd gotten to a sitting position at this point, still on the edge of the couch. I didn't want to see him, I was afraid of what I would do.

"Look, just open the door. I want to apologize"
I opened the door for him and stood in the doorframe. There was absolutely no way he was coming into my flat.

"Go on"

"I didn't know about Killian, let alone what he did. Jamie took it and ran, I told her off for it"
The rage returned once again as he spoke. I didn't want to blow up, so I just walked back inside and closed the door. It wasn't worth fighting over. I already did my time for losing everything. It was done. There was no need for me to be obsessing over him anymore. Especially now that I had Chloe.

I backed up against the door and slid down it. All I wanted was to move on. That's it. Was that so hard for the universe to understand? It didn't have to be this way but by some fucked up string of occurrences it kept coming back to bite me in the ass. Fuck off universe.