Speaking In Silence [Book 2]

6

Today was the day. It's been almost a year now since I saw him. I thought I was ready to try again. I had no clue how he was doing. I hadn't had any contact. Seth thought I needed closure, but I'm not exactly sure what that would be in this situation.
I sat in the visitors area waiting for them to bring him out. He wasn't in solitary anymore, but he was still under close supervision.
I was nervous, tugging at the sleeve of my sweater. Eventually, they brought him in. He looked different than the last time I saw him. His hair was longer than mine, and he walked slouched like he was lacking the energy to straighten up. Two guards were behind him and chains accompanied his wrists. The second we made eye contact my heart stopped. His eyes were hazel. I sucked in a quick breath when I saw them. My heart beat faster.

He sat down in front of me and the guards sat in the waiting area. I didn't know what to say, all I could manage was;

"Oh my god." His eyes widened as he watched me. I grew more desperate to hear him speak, "Please tell me you didn't stop talking again. I... I ca-- I need..." I took a moment to calm the internal panic. In that moment, I felt this extreme longing for his voice. It was like if he didn't speak, the earth would stop turning, "please, Killian" tears threatened to spill and he opened his mouth, but no words came out.
I felt three hot tears escape.

"Okay." His voice neared a whisper, but words made everything better. Maybe I had been holding my breath since the accident, and everything was crashing down. But now, it all felt right, if only for a moment. He felt right.
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, and held my hand out on the table, palm up. All he did was stare at it,  contemplating whether or not he would take it. When he didn't, I pulled it back to my side of the table.

"I need to say some things" I still was nervous about the things I would confess to him. He nodded in response and I went on, "I'm still in love with you" I paused for a moment, deciding not to continue. I let my head drop to the table. I was on the verge of a breakdown, and this was not the place for it. I heard the clanking of the cuffs then felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to find him crying too. This time- in a full whisper- he said,

"I'm not coming back"

-

It hurt to hear. Those four words played over and over again in my head, haunting me. I'm not coming back. I'm not coming back. I'm not coming back.
I slammed my fist onto the bar and my other hand held a glass. I was already back to the alcohol. I should have talked to Seth about what happened but I didn't. I went straight for the alcohol. I was emotionally drained from the crying and the "closure" that I got. The worst part was, he never said he loved me back. All he did was look at me with those damned eyes that looked right through me into my soul.

"Are you okay?" I looked to the space next to me to find a woman talking.

"Yeah. Fine." It was a pretty blunt response, but she still sat down. 

The woman had shoulder length hair and a leather jacket, but those were the only details I could process.

"I'm Chloe" she held her hand out for me to take but I ignored her. I wasn't looking for sex tonight. I was looking to get drunk and cry.

"Who names their kid Chloe?"

"My mother I guess"

"Okay well, Chloe, I'm not really in the mood right now so fuck off"

"Oh come on, something's bothering you. Let me buy you a drink" I wasn't going to turn down a free drink.

"Fine. Something hard" she nodded flagged down the bartender.

-

Chloe bought me a couple more drinks, and we chatted for a while. I was definitely inebriated to say the least. I found myself sitting on a couch in I'm assuming Chloe's apartment. She sat next to me, one leg over the other, rambling on about something. I was focused on some photos she had set on her coffee table.

"Blaine?"
I shook my head a little and focused back on her.

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Uh no, I was distracted"

"I said, do you want to have another drink?"

"No, I'm--" Chloe placed her palm on my thigh, catching me off guard, "--good, thanks". She slowly started moving her hand up. The look in her eye changed as she moved a little closer to me. I didn't have the strength to stop her, or myself, so I let it happen. Her touch was soothing.
She moved her hand from my thigh, placing it lightly on my chest. Her other hand was placed behind my neck. She moved slowly and tenderly, being gentle the entire time. Finally, she connected our lips, and to my surprise, I didn't push her away.

I never really was attracted to women. Now, I never specifically called myself gay either. I guess I never sought women out as much as I did men. There was one time in high school that I could remember where I had a relationship with a woman. But that was it. So this experience was mostly new for me and I felt out of control. Yet, for some reason, I enjoyed it.