Speaking In Silence [Book 2]

14

Chloe was coming home today. I tried to clean up my act, but it just wasn't working. I'd somehow managed to shower and change clothes but that was all. Nothing else had been done.
Nerves rattled my system when I heard her knock at the front door. I slowly walked to get the door and opened it. The look on her face made me think this wasn't going to end well.

"What the hell happened to you?" I didn't expect her to be so blunt about it. I guess I did kind of look like I was homeless. The beard and long hair really gave it away. I never replied to her. Instead, I just showed her inside and waited for that reaction.

"Blaine, what the fuck" I took a deep breath.

"Things... things got bad again"

"Again?" Her expression changed to more of a sad puppy type of look.

"Sometimes..." I stopped to take another breath, sitting down on the sofa, "sometimes, I get bad and... I do bad things"

"That's okay" her voice dropped to a whisper and she sat next to me, pulling my body into hers. She cradled my head with her arms as it lay on her chest, "we'll get through it. What bad things did you do?"

We. We will get through it. I don't have to do it alone this time.

-

Every five seconds it seemed that Jamie found a new way to get messages to me. I told her where Killian was. She wouldn't leave me alone, so I decided to let her have her fun, knowing that he wouldn't give her anything. He barely spoke to me, no way he would speak to her.
I assumed she went to see him because she hadn't contacted me in a few days.
I was glad to see her get the fuck out of my life... that is until I got a call from an unknown number. I picked it up, and low and behold, it was her. Intruding right back into my life.

"Hey..." she trailed off and stopped talking.

"What the fuck do you want" rustling came from the other end.

"I know you don't really like me, but we need to talk" there was something uneasy in her voice like she was going to be sick.

"Then talk"

"This isn't a conversation we can have over the phone" I sighed.

"Fine. When and where"

"Now. I'll meet you at the diner across from the office. Bring Chloe, you might want her there"

Jamie hung up, and I texted Chloe. The air to changed when we hung up. Things felt... off. Chloe agreed to come and I picked her up. Dreading this feeling welling up inside of me. It was like I could sense the future... and it was bleak.

-

The two of us sat and waited for Jamie. When she finally did arrive, she didn't make eye contact with me, and focused on Chloe. It felt like she was hiding something, I needed to know what it was. What could she possibly have to tell me that's so important?

"Okay... um" her voice shaky as she spoke, still avoiding my stare,"Blaine... Killian..." she paused, taking a deep breath, "he's dead"

The swelling in my stomach burst, anxiety rattled my bones. I wasn't crying yet, but I was about to. I stared at Jamie, unable to speak. My mouth opened and closed like a fish, but I was silent. I was going to throw up, so I did. Right on the floor of the diner. With the throw up came the tears. I couldn't do anything other than look at the table as my brain fell apart. No, my life fell back apart. It was all going to happen again.

"You're going to be okay" Chloe tried to comfort me. She rubbed my back and pulled me over to her. She whispered into my ear, but I couldn't hear her. My senses were flooded and people around me watched as I slowly fell into a panicked state. Everything was blurry, even the sounds were drowning.

He was dead. Why was I so upset? Was he even really dead? I pulled out my phone and called Samuel Valley. He couldn't really be dead, could he?

The robotic voice of the person who answered droned on as even more internal chaos grew. My breathing was erratic, yet I still had no words. Finally, the person on the other end of the phone turned into a person and they asked how they could help me.

"I need to schedule a visit with Killian Flinn"

I heard Chloe say something but I didn't know what she had said.

"I'm so sorry, but Killian has pa--" I let my phone drop to the floor. At this point, people had come over to see if I was okay, and clean up the mess I'd made. Fresh tears spilled from my eyes. I found myself repeating "he's not gone" over and over again before overheating. I pulled at my sweater and stood to go outside. The second I stood up, my legs turned wobbly and I went down. I didn't even black out, I just landed on the ground, sobbing, and without the energy to stand back up. He was gone.

-

I spent so long trying to convince myself he was still here. What did Jamie know? She couldn't have possibly known he was dead. Who was I kidding? It was probably my fault anyways.

Things did get worse. They were already bad. But it was worse. I drank, even more heavily than ever before. It was a different kind of pain than the first time I lost him. This pain was a hollow emptiness that filled my chest cavity. My heart consistently cracked further and further apart. It was hard to give attention to anything else other than the broken parts of me. I was so far gone. But I had to pull it together. Just for long enough to see him one last time.