Speaking In Silence [Book 2]

8

Time. It's only a concept yet it changes everything. One moment you are doing great and the next you are falling through a void to no end.
I was waiting for something to change but it never did and I realized something. I had to make the change for myself. The issue with this, was figuring out which change to make. It was a stressful to decide but I finally made the decision. I wasn't even sure if I had the ability to start the change, but I tried. So, I officially started to move on from Killian.

The process was slow, however things got better. I got rid of everything that reminded me of him. Which meant going through the box of things I kept under my bed. It only held a few items, but they were the most important ones to me, so I burned them. Well, most of them.

The first to go was the maroon sweatshirt I'd given him. Throwing it into the fire was painful and liberating at the same time. Nevertheless, I was proud of myself. This was the first step.

The second in was a box of tea. This particular one I got him to have at my place since I only had coffee... and he hated coffee.

The last two items in the box were the most important ones. Two little containers of sorts were place at the far edge of the box. They each held a ring. I had bought them both a few months prior to the accident. I wasn't planning on proposing, but I'd hoped maybe in the future it would have been an option. I bought two because I wasn't sure which one he would have liked.
One was a silver banded ring with a blue stone embedded in the center. It was the same stone that was on his mother's bracelet. The other was black, with a thin red band running through it- the red being the color of his name.

It took hours of contemplation before I finally decided not to throw them in. They probably wouldn't have burned anyways. So I put them away for safekeeping. Maybe eventually the attachment the rings would fade and I could use them.

-

Being with Chloe scared me less once most of the items were gone. We finally got around to planning a second date. It was easier now that I wasn't holding out for someone who was never coming back.

The date was a dinner at a fancy restaurant uptown.
I was nervous about seeing her again, so I had to make everything perfect. I shaved, combed my hair, and even trimmed my fingernails.
A lot of thought went into my clothes and speech in preparation. I planned out exactly what I would wear the day before, then waited in anticipation until the next evening.

While I got dressed, I watched myself in the mirror. I looked healthier now. Still a little thin and maybe pale too, but it was no where close to a few weeks ago. My face no longer looked hollow. I look like a true human being.
I tucked my button down into my slacks and put on a belt, completing the look. I still wasn't happy with it but it was the best I could do with what I had.
I slowly walked to my car, fumbling with the keys to turn the ignition. It took three tries to turn it before it finally started, nerves already settling in my stomach. I did not want to be late and mess everything up from the beginning.

When I pulled into Chloe's complex, it took me a few minutes to even find a space to park. Most people were home from work at that point and had already gone out with their friends and come back. The place was packed.
Once I found a space, I grabbed the flowers I got for her from the passenger's seat and walked to her door. Knocking three times, I sat back on my heels and waited. When she opened the door, I lost all words.

She wore a black slip dress that accentuated everything perfectly. There was a silver chain around her neck with a small engraved plaque. I couldn't quite figure out what it said before she spoke,

"Hello? Did you hear me?"

"Oh um sorry... I, uh, got these for you" a smile graced her lips and she gestured for me to follow her inside.

"I just have a few things to do then I'll be ready to go"
I watched her busy herself, discreetly cleaning up, but it didn't matter. I didn't care if her place was messy, or if she was messy.
It took her a few moments to gather everything she needed, then we headed out the door. I tried my hardest to be a gentleman, going back to how I used to be.

The restaurant had a warm feeling to it. Soft elevator music spread throughout. The lighting was low, allowing for a calm aura to drift around. I observed Chloe as she spoke. Every time she laughed, she covered her mouth. Her laugh was not what I expected from a woman like her. It was boisterous and graceless, but it made her all the more perfect. That was an issue. Perfect. I thought Killian was perfect and things went downhill, but I couldn't find anything wrong with Chloe. Maybe I was just infatuated with her.

"Blaine? You're doing it again" she shook her head and crossed her arms.

"Sorry... what was I doing?"

"You keep zoning out. Is everything okay?" 

Too casual, I thought. She was being too casual, we don't know each other why would she be concerned? Then I realized that it wasn't that Chloe, or Seth were being too casual at all. It was because I was afraid of people knowing me for more than my body.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I gave a reassuring smile for her to continue.

"Anyways, I was saying, she got me to go ice skating with her and I fell on my ass like three times"

"Who's she again?" I really hadn't been paying attention to the conversation at all.

"My grandma, Jane? Remember I told you that's how I got my middle name?"

"Right, Chloe Jane... what does the H. stand for?"

"Hodgner, Chloe Jane Hodgner" That was a pretty name.

The two of us stayed at the restaurant for four or five hours talking. We stayed until it closed, then I invited her back to mine.
We chatted the whole way and some more when we got there. She was an open book, whatever I asked, she answered. I was afraid I couldn't do that. She didn't know about him and I never wanted her to. All that would do was complicate things.