Speaking In Silence [Book 2]

15

Chloe helped me get ready for the service. I'm not sure I would have been able to pull myself together if it wasn't for her. She stood in front of me and tied my tie. She picked out an all black set for me to wear.

 I had to plan the service. He deserved someone to care even if his only family refused to show up. I understood that Conrad was angry. He had every right to be. But Killian had been the only familial connection he had left. Was he not at least a little bit upset?

"You look handsome. He would have thought so too" my eyes, red from the tears, were able to find new ones to cry. Chloe wrapped her arms around my head and ran her hands through my hair.
I couldn't speak. I wasn't sure if I'd said a word since I found out. It felt oddly comforting to be silent, but also strangely familiar.

He'd killed himself in his room, they said. They wouldn't disclose any other information to me. I had to be family to know more. But it was coming. It was a fitting end for him. Not to say that he deserved to die, but it was clear he wasn't going to make it far enough to die a natural death.

"Are you ready to go?" Chloe's voice never passed to a normal level of volume. It was always quiet and soothing. Maybe she feared that if she spoke louder it would make me breakdown again, and it probably would.

I nodded and we walked out, I handed her the keys. I was in no condition to drive, fearing I would crash into a ditch or something. Chloe understood- everything- she understood everything. There was no pressure to say anything to her or tell her things. She wasn't ready to know the whole story. She never needed to know. I was comfortable living that lie to save myself from reliving it.

When we got to the funeral home, only three cars were there. I presumed they were employees since the service didn't start for another hour. Chloe held my hand as we walked in. I knew that the second I saw him in the casket, I would freak out. But I had a mission. There was something I needed to give him. I had to do it, nobody else could stand in my place.

The two of us stood hand-in-hand outside of his room. He was less than fifty feet away from where I stood. The thought terrified me to no end.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to"

"I have to do this" she let go of my hand and watched me walk inside, staying in the hallway to let me have a moment. She had no idea what was about to happen.

The room itself was silent, just me and the body, which was on the other end of the room. The casket was white with metal decorum down the sides and over the top.
Each step I took echoed in my ears as time seemed to slow for me. My heart beat faster and faster the nearer I got. I closed my eyes once more and took the final steps to the casket. When I opened my eyes, my heart sank. It was definitely him, but he looked peaceful. I'd never seen him so calm before. Beauty was ever present upon his face. He wore an all black suit, neatly pressed and de-wrinkled. I then remembered my goal for being in that room.

In my right pocket, the two items I had left of Killian clinked together as I took them out. They were the rings I put away for safekeeping. It was clear that the emotional attachment would always be present with them so it was time.

I reached out, tears falling quickly, and got down on one knee. I was just tall enough to reach over the side of the casket. I felt down in my other pocket and grabbed a folded paper. I opened it and began reading my last words to him;

Dear Killian. It's me, Blaine. I miss you... a lot. It seems like you've been gone a while. I guess it has only been a year and a half since you left. I love you, still. I think I always will, so when you pass on or whatever, send a sign. I'm sure you'll go go Heaven. Well, if it exists. If not, then be safe down there, it's dangerous.

I hope you don't remember the bad parts of  us. Just take the good parts with you. Like that time we shared our first kiss in the park? I remember how your eyes shined so brightly for me and mine for you. Can you take that with you?

There is nothing I wouldn't do to reverse all of this. I would go back to the beginning and start over with you. Please understand that it isn't your fault. Any of it. You did not kill your mother. If anything she killed you. So do me a favor and don't hold that against yourself. I love you infinitely Killian Ryse Flinn. 

Sincerely, Blaine Davis Marston

I set the paper on his chest and slipped the red ring on his left ring finger. The other, I put on his left index finger. They fit so well. I never even got them resized, I just guessed. That was a single happy detail to a very sad story.

I leaned to his ear and whispered the very final words that I would ever speak to the dead man in front of me. The person I knew him as tortured my soul to the greatest extent. But he was gone now. He couldn't hurt me any longer.

The words I spoke in the end were the ones that few would ever hear. It was a question that I spent days pondering over it went like this;

Will you marry me?