Nora's POV
"How are you holding up?" Mom comes over to sit in Shawn's spot, as he's disappeared to the bathroom. I cringed when I saw Piero heading to the bathroom just minutes after him. Piero always wanted to get under your skin, he was good at it. Low blows are his forte.
"Um, I'm good. I'll just stay for a little bit longer and head back." I shrug, I hate troubling people with my problems. I mean, I'm a big girl, I decided to attend for respect of my family. Even if they are shit, they're still family. All I needed to do was make an appearance. I don't need to impress anyone.
"Has Piero tried to talk to you?" She asks and I shake my head.
"No, him and Vera have avoided me this whole time, but I know they know I'm here. It's pretty obvious. I mean Leo has been hanging out with me all night and I did my family duties and had sat with Ysabella and Sal for a bit to chat and have a toast." I explain. Sal is a few years older then mama, he always looked down on her when she got pregnant with me at a young and unmarried age. But he has no idea what she has been through. We may not always see eye to eye but she's one of the strongest people I know. Her, Nonna, and Nonno are my rocks. I don't need anyone elses' opinions.
"How's Shawn holding up?" She looks around to see if he's in ear shot.
"He's doing well." I shrug, stirring the straw in my drink. Leo keeps refiling them but I'm losing interest. I just want to leave. "I mean he doesn't really know anyone but he can pick up on all the tension."
Mama nods in agreement. I feel like all this looking around from both of us it just looks like we're really suspicious. I suppose we could be considered suspicious, our quiet, hushed tones and stopped vocabulary when someone gets close.
"I'm going to take Nonna back to Sal's house soon." Mama tells me, patting my hand.
"How is she today?" I haven't really gotten to chat with her. I know I need to but she's been having more bad days then good days and it just breaks my heart. Literally rips me in two to have her like that.
"She's had better days. She's just so tired." I think it effects my mom the most. She's a nurse, she sees this on a daily basis, she knows what it's like at the very end stage, it's not pretty. She knows whats coming, you can see it on her face and I just cant bare it. I can't bare to see the future in her eyes. I don't want to think of a day without Nonna.
"Are they still talking about it?" I speak in almost a whisper, its hard for me to get the words out. To spit them out like it's the worst thing to say.
"Yes." I watch as my mom swallows and closes her eyes briefly, placing her hand over her heart as if to calm herself, to calm her heart. "They want to move her to a facility upstate." She looks down to the floor, adjusting her feet.
"Upstate?" I question her words. "That's too far away. They won't even go visit her. She's fine at home." I assure her as if I need to.
"She's getting bad Nora."
"We can hire someone to come to the apartment and watch her." I suggest, trying to rapid fire think of ideas.
"She won't like it, you know how she responds to new people. You were there when she met Shawn." She reminds me, that was not a fun night for everyone.
"I just don't think they should get an opinion. They never see her. Sal doesn't even call mama. He doesn't even call his own mother." I lean back, angry at the conversation. I'm not even getting mad at mom, it's not her fault, she's just the messenger.
"I know mia luce." She rubs my back and stands, adjusting her dress. "I'm going to take Nonna back. I'll be back for a little bit then I'll probably head to the hotel." I nod and bid farewell as I sit at the table by myself. Leo had returned to the bar to have a chat with some friends, with Shawn at the bathroom. I can't believe how crazy life has been in the last seven years.
It's like when you finally get to sit down and think about things and how fast everything goes. How fast life can go. How in an instant things can change. How one decision can effect everything, coming home early, leaving work late could save your life. I often think of the day when Nonno died. It's an odd thought to have here at a wedding but it's a day forever engraved in my brain. I was younger, only 19. You don't remember who told you, you remember their faces when they said the news. You remember wearing your favorite sweater at the time and never being able to put it on. You remember holding a screaming Nonna in the hallway, holding her back from running after the ambulance that took him away. You remember how happy other people seemed to be. You remember how quiet the city was. It was never quiet.
I lied to Shawn. I didn't really break up with Piero because I didn't feel like marrying him. I loved him. Looking at him now I have no idea why. But I remember Shelby had come to the shop early so I left early, I decided to go visit him at his apartment. Imagine my surprise when I saw Vera there, half dressed. They were eating dinner like it was a regular thing. Like they were the ones engaged. The things I remember from when Nonno died are the things I remember from June 23rd. I remember the lack of sound, the pain in my chest, air not reaching my lungs when I needed it, gripping the door for strength. I felt like a fish out of water. I remember almost ripping my engagement ring off my finger as if it was burning me and throwing it at Piero. I don't remember it all, I remember pieces of those days.
Above all I just remember feeling lost. My seven year old self and my twenty-four year old self lived in the same moment for a day.
The worst part from that day was the fact that I didn't tell anyone. I couldn't. How could you tell people that your fiance was having an affair with your cousin? A cousin that you introduced to him just a month prior. And all the sudden they had this life that they shared. And now they're married. I suppose I came her just to make sure it was true. To make sure that it was really happening.
It's so hard to realize that you're not the it person for someone. When you think that finally, someone holds your heart, someone you trust and love and you're ready to give everything to them forever, just to find out it's all a lie. It's all a joke to that person.
It's amazing how one person can break your heart and you can still love them with all those little pieces you have left. Seeing him here I thank God that I didn't ever marry him. He wasn't for me, that was not my plan. I slowly learned that even if my heart was still broken, it was still beating. I was still here. And with time, I was better then I thought I could ever be. Of course I threw myself into work and that is how I healed. Sharing joy and sorrow with others is how I put my heart back together, and I will thank my lucky stars all the days of my life that I never ended up with him.
Books. Nonna. Albert. Mama. Flowers. That is how I survived. And now I'm attending his wedding with someone I never imagined I would be sitting here with. Shawn. Just the thought of his name makes me smile. Makes my heart beat a little faster. I don't know what the future holds for us and in this moment, I don't care. But I'm a firm believer in fate. How things happen for a reason. And even if he doesn't stay in my life he has helped me more then he will ever know.
Billions of people in the world and he's the only one I want now. The only one. I know I've fallen. I smile just thinking about all the feelings I share for him. He might never feel the same and for some reason I'm okay with that. I mean, he's not the only guy in the universe, but he's the only one I want right now.
In this short amount he's learned how to calm me. He tries so hard to remember what I like and what I don't like. Sometimes I catch him looking at me and see the red creep on his cheeks, he just bites his lip, does that awkward laugh and looks away. I fall deeper every time he does that.
He helped me set the glue that holds my heart together.
"There she is." I turn to see Shawn standing there, smiling. This is what fairy tales are made of. And even if we have a bad ending, or we spend the rest of our lives together, this moment, this moment is perfect.
